Friday, March 09, 2018

Stormy Daniels Parody

They're real. And they're spectacular. Yeah, right!

Every time I hear the media mention the name Stormy Daniels, it evokes the tone and tenor of Don Ho's "Tiny Bubbles."  I can't believe no one else sees it.  I want to live in a world where everyone croons the name "Store... me... Dan... yules."  In an Aldi's.  In a Kroger's.  In a Walmart's.  Could be Rachel Maddow.  Could be Sean Hannity.  Could be Wolf Blitzer.   It does not matter.  Conservative, liberal, right, left, Mitch McConnell, Nancy Pelosi, whatever.  Someone really needs to step up and mainstream this shit.

So here's a link to an original Don Ho performance - Hollywood Palace 1967.

He omits the final 4 lines.  Fortunately, the lyrics and syllable progression are consistent with the Dead's Not Fade Away.  It's a nice fit.  Naturally, this is known as a Stormy Daniels > NFA.  A great way to close out any performance.  Get that crowd feedback going.  And then reemerge for a lone encore.

If you can't see what I'm talking about, you have no business here on this blog.

Tiny Bubbles (original lyrics)

Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
In the wine (in the wine)
Make me happy (make me happy)
Make me feel fine (make me feel fine)
Tiny bubbles (tiny bubbles)
Make me warm all over
With a feeling that I'm gonna
Love you till the end of time
So here's to the golden moon
And here's to the silver sea
And mostly here's a toast
To you and me
So here's to the ginger lei
I give to you today
And here's a kiss
That will not fade away

Stormy Daniels (the sonofspoof)

Stormy Daniels (Stormy Daniels)
She's so fine (she's so fine)
Hair not nappy (hair not nappy)
I'll make her mine (I'll make her mine)
Stormy Daniels (Stormy Daniels)
I rode and drove her
In the bedroom and the sauna
Upon her body I climb
Here's to her bushy trimmed poon
And to her va-gine-er-ree
I became so engrossed
Paid you a fee
One hundred thirty I paid
no matter what you say
you know our love
(love) will not fade away (bop, bop... bop, bop)

So... if you happen to know any high profile journalist or media personality, please share.  This whole lawsuit/arbitration escapade has legs.  The story will endure.  All I'm asking is for a little Stormy Daniels with my morning coffee.  Is that really asking too much?  Hmm, maybe I should switch to Sanka.

Saturday, March 03, 2018

Asymmetric Strategy to Force a Trump Resignation

All through the 2016 Republican primary, I kept getting the feeling that Trump's campaign would implode.  The "Mexicans are rapists" line.  Personally, I thought it crossed the line and he was finished before he started.  But nothing happened.  Then, it was onward to the mocking of Senator John McCain's POW status.  How he likes people who don't get captured.  Considering his multiple Vietnam draft deferments for bone spurs, not to mention the human decency angle, I thought Trump was cooked.  But the GOP just took it in stride.

Later on, he insulted that Gold Star military mother.  And seemed almost emboldened by the flood of sexual misconduct allegations, affairs and the grab 'em by the pussy outtake.  All the while, the misspelled twitter insults and barrage of juvenile nicknames.  Remember the picture of Ted Cruz's wife juxtaposed with Melania?  Charlottesville, emoluments violations, corruption, and on, and on, and on it goes.  I won't even bother focusing on all the lies, half-truths, nonsensical distractions and relevant idiocracy.

I suppose we could wait for Mueller's investigation to play itself out.  Or the ill-fated Tom Steyer impeachment campaign.  We could wait... I suppose.  But I have a superior option. It takes little effort or preparation.  And it's free too.  Won't cost the taxpayer a dime.

I think the time is right to drive Trump to the point of a mental breakdown.

You know, make the voracious, fat orange fuck go Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs.

Usually, people who have zero empathy and are oblivious to reality tend to be poor candidates for a psychological assault.  Things just seemingly bounce off them as if they're made of teflon.  Kinda surprised you don't hear the "Teflon Don" mafia analogy more often.  Wonder why.

So here's my idea. It's a pretty straightforward.

Get Stephen Hawking to "sing" the National Anthem at a major sporting event.  Even though he's British, I'm pretty sure he'd go along with the idea if the result was a Trump nervous breakdown.

I can assure you, if Hawking "sang" the anthem, it would be the last straw.  Trump would lash out in ways inconceivable.  Think about it.  First and foremost, due to his ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), he's incapable of standing for the anthem.  Strike one!  Hawking also couldn't properly put his hand over his heart as he'd be needing it to articulate the words from his keyboard.  Strike Two!   And the distorted electronic murmurings of the Star Spangled Banner would infuriate Donald's phony patriotic sensibilities as well.  Strike Three!  You're OUT! (or as Trump would say, "Your out!")
Note: Trump already has a triumphantly proud history of mocking people with physical disabilities.

Hawking is elderly, frail and in pretty bad shape.  The perfect target!  He's also regarded as one of the most intelligent people on the planet earth.  Whereas, Trump is widely considered to be one of the dumbest inhabitants of the galaxy.  Deliberate and considerate vs. impetuous and obnoxious.  The writer and physicist vs. tweeter and con artist.  The cowardly, privileged, phony elitist vs. an inspirational individual who overcame physical setbacks deemed near impossible.  The contrast between the two could not be more stark.  Let's get ready to rumble!

So that's my idea.  Get Stephen Hawking to sing the national anthem.  I assure you, Trump would totally lose his orange shit.  Coordinate it with the 2018 NCAA Championship finale... and it will go down in history as the ultimate achievement in "March Madness."