Friday, March 24, 2017

KENT RATT... Stephen Pearcy at The Kent Stage (3-23-17)

Thirty years ago, it was 1986.  I was heading into the 10th grade.  Seems like just yesterday.  Well, not really.  I find myself slowly going bald, mostly in the back.  Never thought that would happen.  I just figured I'd always have a full head of hair.  Not much I can do about it.  I don't see myself as one of those guys who parts their hair on the side.  The Republican political establishment comb-over doesn't really suit my personality.  Ya wanna know something?  Fuck it, I'll just wear a ball cap.

Anyway, back in my high school days, I had an idol.  His name was Stephen Pearcy, the lead singer of Ratt.  They had just released Invasion Of Your Privacy which in my opinion was one of the best albums of the late 80's.

Say what you will about the metal bands of yesteryear.  Yeah, the lyrics weren't too thought provoking, but who gives a shit.  Some of the best live albums came from that time frame.  Iron Maiden - Live Before Death, Scorpions - World Wide Live, Judas Priest - Priest... Live, Queensryche - Operation LiveCrime.  Funny how all of them needed to reinforce the word "live" in the title.  

I only saw Ratt one time.  Bon Jovi opened for them at the Wheeling Civic Center.

I sneaked in an old school Panasonic tape recorder into the concert.  The guy felt it during the pat-down but I begged him not to say anything... and he let it slide.  These days, they'd probably alert the FBI and call in the Department of Homeland Security.  I still have the tapes to this day.  Odd how I've managed to lose all of my metal t-shirts, about 20 or so, but still clung to the TDK SA 90's.  They sound absolutely horrible.  I wonder if the technology exists to run them through a computer program, eliminate the hiss and background noise... and somehow "extrapolate" based on the "music."  I'm a little vague on the specifics but that would be some technology I could grow to appreciate.    

Not to sound melodramatic, but the 1986 Ratt concert changed my life.  It was pretty much my first "legitimately unchaperoned" rock concert.  When asked by my fellow concert going buddies what I thought they'd open with, I gave it some thought and said "Dangerous But Worth The Risk."  Turns out I was correct.  This was well before the you clicked on the internet set lists.  It was just a hunch.  This spawned my interest in the concert prediction game, and to a lesser extent sports wagering.  It made a better Dead fan too.

A few months ago, me and Gig saw the former drummer (Bobby Blotzer) of Ratt with his new band at Jergel's in Warrendale.  By the way, Blotzer actually hails from nearby Turtle Crick.  The show itself was worth it, meaning we came late after the opening act and skipped the cover charge.  The singer was decent but just didn't have Stephen Pearcy's distinctive, rusty vocals.

Anyway, sensing I'd never see them again, I took a solo trip to Kent, Ohio last night.  First ever visit to The Kent Stage.  It's a dusty, old vaudeville theater that has been half-assed refurbished.

Plenty of placards on the wall.  Performers who had previously played the theater.  Hands down, the coolest one is a Les Claypool doodle.  He was obviously in line behind a talkative guy placing his order at a nearby burrito shop.

The remains of the band Warrant opened the show.  Back in the day, I thought Warrant was pretty expendable.  As a hair band, I'd rank them a little better than Cinderella but not as good as Dokken.  Just my opinion. 

No crazy stories to report.  I ate some really poor Spicy Garlic wings from BW3's.  Has anyone else noticed the severe drop off in quality at B-Dubs?  Yes, the wings are bigger and meatier, but I think that actually makes them worse.  And they were totally drenched in a different kind of sauce.  Major disappointment. 

Just before Ratt took the stage, I walked up to the front railing.  Here's most of the set list. 

You're in Love
Lay it Down
Lack of Communication
Wanted Man
Slip of the Lip
You Think You're Tough
I'm Insane
You Got It
Back For More
Way Cool Junior
Heading Out To The Highway (Judas Priest cover).  This was very unexpected and infinitely cool.
Round and Round

They threw in a new song that was pretty strong.

Eric Ferentinos, the lead guitarist was phenomenal.  Great backing vocals as well.

Pearcy sounded way better than I had anticipated.  I'd heard a bootleg of him from a 2012 Merriweather Post Pavilion show in Columbia, MD.  He sounded so bad that it bordered on comedic.  Not so, last night. 

The crowd really showed off its age.  At 46, I was one of the younger people in attendance.  Lots of old school jean jackets and back patches.  Plentiful baldos and haggard greasers and even a token mega-titted bleach blonde groupie. 

Even zanier, I actually bought a ticket from the box office ($22.00).  Couldn't bring myself to haggle.  Regardless, there wasn't much action out front.

So I skipped out on the WVU/Gonzaga game and more importantly, the Teen Master Chef kids episode.  My childhood friend's daughter (Cydney Sherman of Brooklyn, NY) has been on the series, cooking up a storm.  I'm hoping she didn't get cut last night.  She seems to be one of the better personalities.  I have a hunch she'll go deep in the competition. 

Saturday, February 04, 2017

Bizarro Trump

What if Trump wasn't elected in 2016?  Well I assume Hillary would've been installed as Commander-in-Chief.  Makes sense I guess.  The citizens of the United States would have simply opted for the other option.  A professional bureaucrat with a calculated temperament.  Someone who inspires measured confidence.  Someone willing to carry on the Obama legacy.

But Hillary is NOT the opposite of Trump.  Not even close.  That would be like saying salt is the opposite of smoked paprika.  The true opposite of Trump would reflect something vastly different.

Anyone remember the Bizarro Jerry episode where he woke up in an alternate universe?  Kramer had a 9 to 5 job in corporate America.  Jerry was dating a woman with "man-hands."  George was seeing models.  And Elaine was hanging out with a new crowd of mentally stable, vanilla individuals.

But like I said, if you really seek a Bizarro Trump alternate universe, it definitely wouldn't be Hillary Clinton.  The closest approximation I can offer up is our spiffy Jewish politician, former New York Congressman Anthony Weiner.

President Weiner sits in the Oval Office and threatens all who would oppose him.  But he uses a different strategy.  If he doesn't get his way, he tweets out pictures of his dick.  Instead of Trump's twitter diplomacy, I call it the "Weiner diplomatic tool."  This ain't the Weiner doctrine.  It's the Weiner "cocktrine."  Or as I like to refer to it... an unsettling, unrelenting cock train of dick pics.  Just when you think he can't outdo himself, he sends out another barrage.  A steady stream of penile propaganda.  Finally, a politician who keeps his campaign promises.  Wouldn't that be a nice bone-us?

It's the equivalent of a Trump twitter temper tantrum.  Now say that 4x fast.

* Problems in the Middle East?  President Weiner threatens the tumultuous region with testicle shots.

* Iran testing intercontinental ballistic missiles?  Weiner vows to deliver his own "ejaculatory missile."  His patented "snapchat cumshot" will quickly disappear, but the image will be forever etched in our hearts and minds... and possibly on our faces.

* Vladmir Putin goes shirtless?  Weiner goes pants-less.  When they go low, we go lower.

* Kim Jong-Un gets a new haircut?  Weiner shows off his latest "man-scaping."  A pubic paradise that could only rival Weird Al's Amish paradise.

* Need a French interpreter?  Vas deferens.

Instead of that Trump sculpted side-do, you get the immaculate schnoz extension.  Instead of Trump's profound insight into all that is nice, great and amazing... you get an endless repeat of a Weiner tirade on state run television.  The gentleman will watch this!!!

And don't forget the first lady, Palestinian refugee Huma Abedin.  They reunited on J-Date over a bowl of kreplach and an apricot hamantaschen (yeah... I know, I know.  I was gonna go with the predictable chocolate babka but settled on a tri-cornered pastry).

She kinda has this ethnic Melania thing goin' on.  Truth be told, I've always sympathized with her.

But wait, there's more.  We still need a bizarro anti-cabinet.
May I present the Weiner administration.  If we don't get this crew confirmed, I'm gonna go nuclear!

National Security Council --- Edward Snowden.

Department of Transportation --- weirdo guy who rides around town on a unicycle.

Department of Education --- Corky from the ill-fated drama sitcom "Life Goes On."

Department of Health and Human Services --- Lady Gaga

Department of Justice --- the Green Lantern

"In brightest day, in blackest night,
No evil shall escape my sight.
Let those who worship evil's might
Beware my power--Green Lantern's light!"

Department of Treasury --- crusty Jew and multi-billionaire casino magnate, Sheldon Adelson.

Food and Drug Administration --- that Martin Shkreli smirking pharmaceutical fuck

Department of Housing and Urban Development --- any mentally ill homeless man

Secretary of State --- A miniaturized Weiner clone!  It's Screech from Saved by the Bell.  Formerly a jailed Jew.  After receiving an official Weiner pardon, he was tasked with serving up that delectable brand of Dustin Diamond diplomacy.  And just for the record, I really like the term "Weiner pardon."

Department of Defense --- Jesus Christ, the son of a Jewish carpenter.  A pacifist at heart.  Surely one to always turn the other cheek.  Hey, he might not get confirmed.  But the son of God will certainly be beaten, bludgeoned and resurrected. #alternativefacts #fakenews

Federal Communication Commission --- I'm gunning for the sightless, voiceless corpse of Helen Keller.

The FBI & CIA were merged together under Trump holdover Steve Bannon.  I feel safer already.

Let's throw in a Supreme Court nominee.  I'm thinking Soprano consigliere Silvio Dante. 

We'll also need a duo to host the annual prayer breakfast.  The Chrisagii would seem to be an ideal fit.  Gotta love the shotgun in the background.  If the country begins to trend authoritarian, we'll just put 'em in charge of the ECO.  They're under the impression it stands for Extra Christian Organization but it actually means Ethnic Cleansing Operation.  Don't sweat it.  No harm no foul.  At least they meant well.  It's about good intentions.  After all, it's a god thing.

And finally, someone to help promote the defunct Michelle Obama "Let's Move" anti-obesity campaign.  It'd be nice to see a tiny sliver of bipolar, bipartisanship here.   Let's keep a movin' with the Governor of New Jersey... (kettle corn) drum roll please... none other than Trump castaway... our esteemed corpulence... the reverse lipo-sucked... Chris "Krispy Kreme" Christie.  

A personal concession.  The multi tiered ice cream cone appears to be a fake edit.  Much like Lee Harvey Oswald's 6.5×52mm Carcano Model 91/38 carbine with telescopic sight.   But the Christie town hall pic?  Uh, lamentably no.

Now all that's left is a catchy campaign slogan for the next 4 years.  Naturally, most people would go with the obvious --- "I wish I were an Anthony Weiner weiner."

But I'm thinking more along the lines of a narcissistic, adaptable AC/DC spin-off.  I've got Big Balls!

Never doubt the "Scrotum POTUS!"  I can assure you.  He'll readily sext your fucking brains out!

Another term I like.  Highly underrated and deserving of a unique font --- Scrotum POTUS.

On an entirely unrelated note, I'm going with the Falcons tomorrow in a Super Bowl shoot-out.

Falcons 34
Patriots 24

I sense some parallels with the 2010 Super Bowl.  The NFC's Saints (+6) upset victory over the Colts.  Plus, the Falcons are opening their brand new stadium next year.  Wouldn't Goodell love to show off the newest NFL citadel in prime time?

As for MVP, I'm literally on my hands and knees hoping for it to be wide receiver Mohamed Sanu.  I'm literally rolling out the god damn prayer mat!  Only because I want the entire world to repeatedly say the word "Mohammed" (either spelling will suffice). 

But alas, I am a realist.  I'll go with Falcons QB Matt Ryan. #riseup
And before he ventures off to Disneyland, someone tell him to use my slogan on nationwide tv.

"I have risen. Up!"

One last prediction.  This one's a bit of a long-shot.
Somewhere in the range of 50-100 people will die inside NRG Stadium tomorrow night.
It will be the result of a Donald Trump "twitter-ordered" emergency evacuation.

Don't get it?  Allow me to summarize.  Picture this little Trumpy Tramp refugee... but with a bad red comb-over.  Not on some isolated fantasy island... but rather during the most heavily televised, scrutinized event on the planet earth.

Thursday, January 19, 2017


A few weeks ago, I wrote a quick blog about plagiarized memes, or as I call them, "plemes."  It was merely a commentary about how the facebook community has a propensity for sharing memes which echo their sarcastic interests and bolster their online ego.  No big deal really.  Viral memes are all the dispensation rage.  Trust me, I get it.

But today I saw something fascinating.  It magically appeared in my feed.  It was a Trump tweet in the form of a meme, or as I call it, a "treme."

Of course, the list of replies that followed were all over the spectrum.  Indignation and outrage, justification and solace.  Hey, gotta be honest.  That's a rather explosive statement from our newly elected crimson king.

But did you notice anything unusual about this specific treme?  Well I did!  No time, no date, no symbols, no retweet numbers, no profile pics of followers, etc.  Hmm, that's because it's a fake!  Whoever created it didn't even bother with the technical accoutrements.  Ah yes, the audacity of the internet. 

Sure enough, I googled "fake trump tweet generator" and a slew of sites popped up.  Apparently, people like the concept of bombarding their friends with personalized, authentic Trump insults.  Now the orange anus and I do have one thing in common.  Our mutual loathing of Rosie O'Donnell.  He just expresses his disgust in a far less comprehensive fashion.

But could this all be foreshadowing something bigger?

I suspect the release of this particular treme was specifically tailored to coincide with the inauguration.  A feeble, yet aggressive attempt to reek facefuck/snapcrap/instashit havoc.  Incite controversy and delegitimize the incoming regime.  Once again, I get it.  Well done.

Call me cray, but I think we're witnessing the emergence of a new social media trend --- the imposter tweet or fugazi meme.  Just. Convincing. Enough.

Let's be honest.  The majority of social media devotees aren't willing to read an entire article... even if it's a fake one.  They want everything condensed into an easily digestible picture with a straightforward agenda.  A natural outcome of Trump's twitter obsession.  I think it speaks to a bigger issue --- the widespread dumbing down of social media and the population at large.

As someone who spends a great deal of time generating tedious propaganda, I'm a little offended by this overtly simplistic attempt at duplicity.  But I'm also a realist and can see where society is trending.  Like a runaway twitter freight train.  Our new President unknowingly leading the charge.  Choo-Choo-Choo, Tweet-Tweet-Tweet.

I suspect you'll see an inundation of tremes during the early days of the administration.  Mostly incorporating the flamboyant Trump brand and exploiting his authoritarian personality paired with a 3rd-4th grade vocabulary.  It's the hipper version of click-bait.  Meme-bait!

For example...

We are going to build a great wall (between the U.S. and Mexico) and tear down a fake wall (between church and state)! #MAGA

(note the deliberate attempt to antagonize atheists, constitutional advocates, libertarians, just about anyone other than your prototypical Southern Baptists) 

I have NEVER mocked anyone with disabilities.  The media is the one whose picking on me!

(note the intentionally incorrect grammar --- "whose" instead of "who's")

Ringling Brothers Circus is a great American tradition.  We want businesses to thrive... not fail!

(note the blatant attempt to infuriate animal rights activists.  Just after Ringling Brothers finally announced they're going to cease operations.  If you're clickbaiting, anything on the internet regarding animal cruelty is a proven commodity)

It's no wonder the Dumbicrats lost the election.  They just don't get it.  It's about jobs,jobs, jobs!

(note the token insult, improper punctuation and excessive use of the word "it" and "jobs") 

I could write these tremes all... night... long... (Lionel Richie is coming.  People will literally be dancing on the ceiling of PPG Paints Arena). 

But I just don't have the desire to plug them into a fake Trump tweet generator.  The mere act of doing so would reek of clinical desperation.

So if you're in the "fake Trump social media news business"... feel free to drop me a line (304-312-1395).  Yeah, you'll have to hear about my stampede shit.  But it'll be worth it.  Hey, the best material Hillary Clinton's team offered up was female body shaming, assorted empathy plays on civil rights and grab 'em by the pussy.  And they had a billion dollar budget to boot!  What. A. Joke.

Unfortunately, the joke's on us.

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Steelers/Chiefs divisional round poem

I normally don't post any of the poetry I write.  Gotta be realistic.  Most of the material is personalized so it normally wouldn't make much sense to the random blog passer-byer.

But tonight is different from all other nights.  Just like Jew-Passover.  It's the big game.  Arrowhead baby.  Releasing the poem would help substantiate my love for the black'n'gold.... or completely equivocate my steadfast devotion.  Keep in mind, I'm quite positive the Steelers organization hates my guts.

Anyway, a little background on the poem.  A buddy of mine took his daughter's high school gymnastic team to Liberty University for a regional meet.  Jerry Fallwell is an evangelical leader who also serves as the President.  Knowing full well that I have a significant degree of "anal animus" directed toward Reverend Fartwell, he snagged me these authentic red & white Liberty University. pom-poms.  Shake, shake, shake your moneymaker.

Now... another one of our friends is reporting live tonight from the game in Kansas City.  And as luck, or coincidence would have it, his wife is a graduate of said university.  Well, I came to the realization that I would never have any utilitarian application for these pom-poms.  But I did think they'd make a nice gift for their daughter, who incidentally, might possibly be the most gregariously pleasant, spirited child on the face of the planet.

FYI --- Her nickname utilizes the words "Co Co."

Coo Coo 4 Co Co

As the Steelers prepare for Kansas City
We shouldn't be arrogant or overly witty.

The game will be challenging and heavily contested
Since one of our coaches, was recently arrested

Arrowhead Stadium can be a brutal place to play
Our secondary is suspect, with or without Gay

Reliance on the 3 B's... Ben, Brown and Bell
Could be insufficient, from what I can tell

I'm not gonna lie, why even try?
Something will be required... from WPXI

We hear it's gonna be, team Phillips and Loesch
Preferably not shirtless, exposing their flesh

But lest ye not worry
J.T.'s a different story

Cuz we're gonna need all the help we can git
As Yinzer nation tries to prove they're legit

Now it's not our intention, to start sounding loco
But we could use a little help... from the indomitable Haddie Coco

In the form of these authentic Liberty University pom poms
Patriotically endorsed by one of our favorite moms

Albeit the sentiment might appear, a little confusing
Rest assured, it's ironically amusing

That as the Pittsburgh Steelers prepare for a divisional round fight
Our favorite cheerleader will be sporting the red and white.

#blackiswhack  #goldisold  #redinstead #whiteisright

Obviously, you can see why I don't routinely post these poems.  If you didn't know the characters, they'd make little sense.  Leaving you in a slightly annoyed and agitated state.  

So on an unrelated note: after we downed the Ravens in week 17, I forgot to start growing my Steelers playoff beard.  No big deal though.  Nobody gives a shit.  

Whatever.  Go Steelers.  And more importantly, go Art Rooney II!  I just can't get over the fact that he's soon to be the poorest team owner.  Embarrassing.  Makes us all look like black'n'yellow fucks n'at.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

The Joey Porter Extrapolation

Steelers linebacker coach Joey Porter was arrested Sunday night following their wildcard playoff victory over the Dolphins.  He was out and about, rocking it out, with his monster black cock out, out on the South Side.  Well, not really... he forcibly held down a cop's wrist.  Bond was set at 25,000 for a myriad of charges (aggravated assault, simple assault, resisting arrest, public drunkenness, and terroristic threats). 

Nice mugshot.  Seems calm and measured.  Here we go!

I won't rehash the specifics.  But obviously, Porter screwed up big time.  Just the mere act of going to a bar with the players is a violation of the NFL conduct policy.  And of course, once the police get involved, it's over.  Surprised the cops didn't bust him for indecency, obscenity, defamation, jay-walking, and oh yeah, "conspiracy to engage in... fill in the blank."  Whenever you need to build a case, just throw in the C word.

Team management immediately parted ways with Porter.  A wise decision.  After all, it's a major distraction when you're heading to Arrowhead Stadium for a tough road game.

Incidents like the Joey Porter one have decimated so many teams over the years.  Especially during the 2 week span between the championship games and the Super Bowl.  All kinds of bad stuff can happen.  Solicitation of a prostitute, fender bender automobile accident, domestic violence, bench warrant, anything regarding an evil marijuana doobie.  In modern day America, the world is literally your oyster.

Well, it got me to thinking.

If I was the general manager of an NFL team... and I knew we were likely to face an opponent in an upcoming do-or-die playoff game, I would covertly organize a "first strike" team of "football agitating hooligans" and deploy them accordingly.  Their sole purpose would be to go out, find the players, and try to instigate trouble.  Doesn't really take much effort to start a bar fight.  Just deliberately spill a drink on someone, pushing, shoving or a sucker punch, steal their bar stool, hurl some insults at their woman, etc.  It could be anything.

The objective being to "artificially manufacture" an incident which would serve as a "distraction." Let's face the facts.  Steelers had the early 1pm game.  Assuming they won (favored by 12 points at kick-off), you know these testosterone laden, multi-millionaire egomaniacs in their mid-20's are gonna hit the bars afterward.  And if it's Pittsburgh, they'll likely be congregating on the South Side, or maybe in the Strip District.  My point --- it doesn't take a whole lot of effort to scope out and survey the scene.

Then, you just stir up the shit storm.  Headlines are the goal.  Nobody really cares about the circumstances or the truth anymore.  You just need to cause trouble and reek havoc.

Hosting an additional playoff game is big money.  Let's see.  80,000 seats at roughly $150 per ticket = 12 million.  Not to mention the prestige and home field advantage.  Crappy merchandise, parking fees and all that goes with it.  Hey, those $10 Bud Light drafts don't sell themselves!  

Think about the stunts that teams are willing to pull when trying to gain a competitive advantage.  Spy-Gate, Deflate-Gate, hiring lip readers, food poisoning/colon cleanse, pulling the fire alarm at the team's hotel in the middle of the night.  All of this stuff actually happens.  Trust me, it's not some grand coincidence.

So why not take it to the next level?  You just need to make sure the bullshit hooliganism never gets connected with your team's front office.  And even if it did, it likely comes after the team is victorious and the money has been made.  Something Roger Goodell and Charlie Sheen have in common.  Winning.  Cha-Ching!

Thursday, January 05, 2017


I'm having difficulty getting over the fact that Donald Trump will be our next Commander in Chief.  It's not a mater of me being pro-Hillary.  Although I did think she was especially well-qualified.  In fact, I thought virtually all of the Republican candidates were relatively competent.  I might disagree with their views on social issues, civil rights, defense spending, trickle down economics, etc...  but this doesn't mean I think they're all unfit to serve.

Now the god-fearing religious extremism does scare the living diarrhea out of my colon.  So yeah, Santorum was sufficiently terrifying.  Not to mention Ted Cruz and Mike Huckabee.  E-gad!  But I've never questioned their intellectual capabilities or intellectual curiosity.  I simply came to the realization that regarding the majority of issues, both foreign and domestic, we're on opposite sides of the political spectrum.  Hey, I get it.  That's American politics in 2016.  Let's be honest.  The shit can get pretty polarizing.

Then along came the Trump Train.  And plenty of passengers hopped on bored.  Oops, wait a minute, I actually meant "hopped on board."  Hard to believe I didn't catch that accidental homonym.  I usually write as I think.

Hopefully you get the sarcastic verbiage here.  ALL ABOARD!  Not ALL ABORT.  Well, except maybe for those northern 'Women for Trump' supporters in liberal Massachusetts.  Damn taxpayer funded abortions destroying the economy!

Soooo... what makes Trump different from all the losers and enemies he has defeated?  What sets him apart from all the other candidates?  What makes him different?

Is it about education?  Gotta be honest here.  I simply don't have the desire to research the intellectual pedigree of a Chris Christie.  I'm sure he went to the Jersey Boardwalk of Hard Knocks or the Arby's University of King Beef (with horsey) or whatever.  However, I'm pretty confident that all the other candidates had high school diplomas and college degrees.  FYI --- Ben Carson got his medical degree from Anal Roberts University.  Ironically, he settled on becoming a neurosurgeon after the prospect of a career in proctology went down the toilet.

For the record, Trump spent two years at Fordham University and then transferred to the University of Pennsylvania where he received a Bachelor's degree in Economics from the esteemed Wharton School of Business.  Well done.

But then this happened...

The tweet was fixed an hour later.  I think it's safe to assume that one of his lackeys saw the blunder and had the dubious distinction of correcting their boss... a self-avowed "smart man with a great brain."

Just an aside --- is it me or does anyone else have issues with individuals who explicitly tell you how they're very smart, or very rich, or very important.  Who in the name of fucking Christ talks like that?  And regardless of their fame or fortune, why on earth would you take them seriously?

Now I'm familiar with the Trump mindset that "all publicity is good publicity."  But I think even he knew, somewhere in dark corner of his orange-skinned cerebellum, that something had gone askew.  Or did he?  Even worse, assuming he did, would he actually care?  Would it really bother him or would he simply just change the subject?

So why can't I let that one tweet go.  Why can't I give Trump a pass?  Especially since I've been equally guilty of the same mistake!

Back in the day, I recall writing an essay.  Not sure what the topic was.  But I used a phrase about how "people take things for granite."  Fortunately, someone informed me about the difference between "granted" and "granite."
Silly me.  Up until that point in my life, I assumed people were saying "granite."  Ya know... it kinda makes sense.  People assume that things have been realistically confirmed.  The information is concrete and easily verified.  Hey, it's as solid as granite.

Here's the problem though.  The individual who offered me grammatical assistance wasn't a business associate or a college professor.  It was my 6th grade English teacher Mrs. Taylor.  At the time, I was 12 years old.  TRUMP IS 70.  The difference is a 58 year learning curve.  21,000+ days.  

So as I see it, here are some takeaways from this quickly forgotten, unpresidented fiasco.

1.  Trump lacks a certain degree of situational awareness regarding his twitter account.  One he uses on a routine, petulant basis.  The manner in which he conveys his concerns have always been flippant and inarticulately aloof.  But this is different on a scary level.  The willingness of a "shoot from the hip," attack-minded President to use big words he doesn't understand or comprehend could have real-world ramifications.  There's a big difference between George W. Bush mispronouncing nuke-u-ler and him actually thinking the word is "new clear."      

2.  No reporter would ever have the balls or ovaries to mention the verbal discrepancy.  Because if they did, they'd be ostracized from the White House press pool in perpetuity.  The "unpresidented tweet" will simply end up in the dust bin of crappy twitter banter, along with all the Kardashian Kanye West nonsense or "how 'bout 'dem Cowboys" bullshit.

I am someone who believes that words have consequences.  Trump doesn't even remotely give a shit about words or literature... or history or humanity.  It's all about Trump.  Trump Vodka --- he doesn't drink.  Trump University --- he doesn't educate.  I think it would be amusing if some Fox News reporter asked him, "Mr. President, do you know how a bill becomes a law?"  Now that would be a defining moment!  Conjunction junction, what's your function?  Picking up words and phrases and clawses (the plural of clause).

3.  Trump is incapable of learning from his mistakes.  History has demonstrated time and time again... that people who fail to acknowledge a mistake, are condemned to repeat it.  But I honestly don't think he gives a shit.  Anytime something like this happens in the future, he'll just interject some offhand alarmist rhetoric, change the subject or lash out against the media with the standard ad hominem demonization remarks (unfair, untrustworthy, disgraceful, disgusting, they lie)

4.  Most important, the twitter incident is clear and convincing evidence that Trump does NOT read.  This is a big deal.  Obama was President of the Harvard Law Review.  Bill Clinton was a voracious reader.  Hillary was a veteran attorney.  Hell, even George W. in his post-presidency does some paint-by-the-numbers stuff.  At least that requires following the directions.

But Trump???  How on earth can a multi-billionaire spend 70 years on this planet and still be unfamiliar with the term "precedent?"  Not to mention the concept of "precedence?"  Keep in mind, this guy is notorious for being involved in hundreds, if not thousands, of lawsuits.  I'm not besmirching him for failing to comprehend the basis of case law and the how the judicial branch operates.  But seriously, this bastion of intellectual superiority will be tasked with appointing the next Supreme Court justice.  The thought of this leaves me apoplectic.  No Donald... neither epileptic nor anorexic.  Apoplectic.  Please note: I'm not saying he "cannot" read.  I've seen him read a teleprompter.  I'm saying he does not read.  No wonder the notion of an intelligence briefing makes him cringe.  Those guys use BIG words like asymmetric, mitigation, remediation, analytics, etc.  Trump using SMALL words like big, huge, great, super, smart, nice, etc. 

Final observation:

I honestly believe that when Trump overhears writers from the Washington Post or reporters from MSNBC saying... his aggressive use of twitter is setting a bad precedent... he most likely hears and thinks the following --- that in effect, those bastards are saying my aggressive use of twitter will make me a bad president.

Now don't get me wrong.  Just about everything Trump says and does makes my testicles retract deep into my upper thigh.  But here's what's truly terrifying --- I don't think we've yet to reach the tip of the iceberg.  God forbid Trump confuses an iceberg with an ISIS burger.  Maybe he'll think the White House chef is a secret Muslim who's trying to poison him.  Not a job I'd want.  Hmmm, then again...

I'd suggest the #unpresidented hash tag be used for every future anti-Trump sentiment on the internet.  After all, it's the greatest... because he created it.  Albeit unknowingly.  Now that's some eye runny!

Even better, the grammatically challenged --- #yourfired

Thursday, December 29, 2016


Memes.  Yes, memes.

On social media, it's the quickest, simplest way to offer evidence that you're an intellectual.  Of course the vast majority of people don't make up their own.  They see them and do a quick drag and drop.  You needn't demonstrate any mental capability whatsoever.  No cognitive reasoning.  No writing.  No creativity.  Just regurgitate some other person's creation.  Hey, why not?  It's easy and you'll likely be praised and congratulated by your circle of friends.  Wow, so and so really encapsulated exactly what I was thinking.  He/she is really at the top of their game on facecrap or twitshit or whatever.

Even though there's no profit to be had, the incessant re-posting of other people's thoughts is definitely a form of plagiarism.  This phenomenon has become so predictably popular that I think it deserves a name of its own.

Well... it's a plagiarized meme.  So I'd term it a "pleme."  Easy enough.

The most heavily recirculated one is probably the Gene Wilder Willy Wonka meme.  The "oh god, you're sooo naive" sentiment.  Let's be honest.  That dreamy Wonka meme works for just about anything imaginable.

Kenny Rogers, Dr. Evil, Grumpy Cat.  It's intriguing how some of these characters have taken off.  While others memes get flushed down the virtual cyber-commode.

My personal favorite is "suspicious black kid" from rural Nigeria or wherever.

Sometimes a successful meme begets yet another meme.  These memes reproduce on an almost biblical scale.  Skeptical black kid begets frustrated Jean-Luc Picard...

Pic of Kim Kardashian's butt begets belligerent turd.  Pic of plane flying into the World Trade Center begets man wearing tin foil hat and so on.

So yeah, memes are all the rage.  I've created about a hundred or so.  Mostly regarding the Sopranos, the NFL, politicians and various faith healers/televangelists.  I just believe that this ongoing ritual deserves a name of its own.  Once again... plagiarism + meme = pleme.

Plenty of new words appear every year.  Brexit, twerking, google, the list goes on.  Just thought I'd throw it out there since I think the concept has merit.