Friday, July 10, 2020

The Golden Trumpet


Well, well, well… it appears as though Trumpy’s chances for reelection are dwindling.  Insert back to back HALLELUJAH Fallujahs & HUZZAH guffaws.  This coming from your friendly neighborhood hillbilly atheist Jew.

Though it got me to thinking.  If I was the orange prolapse, what exactly would I do?  He seems content with simply following the maximum chaos, scorched earth strategy.  Do anything and everything to wreak havoc and turn back the clock on the former 8 years of Obama/Biden accomplishments.  File lawsuits and litigation, complain and threaten, bitch and tweet, whine and pout.

However, my bigger hunch is that Trump is trying to foment a civil war.  Not necessarily resulting in mass killing (although I doubt he'd give a shit).  But I definitely think he'd settle for an uptick in protests, widespread looting and rioting.  This way, he can assert his authority and call in the police, DHS, National Guard, military… anything to launch counterattacks and quell the mobs.  Likely taking it to the brink and then calling for martial law, and if possible, a delay in the election.

It all follows the narrative that Biden is soft on crime.  And if he gets elected, you can expect 4 years of absolute chaos in the streets.  Theft, rape, murder.  Furthermore, Biden will defund the police and align himself with the domestic terrorists (anarchists, Antifa, Black Lives Matter and the extreme, radical left).  This whole political scenario strikes me as insanely obvious.  Why?  Because it’s playing out as we speak.

Trump strong.  Biden weak.  Trump smart.  Biden dumb.  Trump focused.  Biden oblivious.  Trump brave.  Biden coward.

Not the most sophisticated strategy.  But then again, it’s Trump.  What the hell do you expect?  As far as Trump goes, it's his only viable option.  Double down on hate and division, while simultaneously propping up his base.  Once again, please allow me to state the obvious.  This is his only realistic gambit.  Trump’s not gonna suddenly have some kumbaya moment where he suddenly expands his base and tries to unite the country.

Even better, just claim mass voter fraud and challenge the authenticity of the election results.  Oh yeah, already laying the groundwork for that one too.

But I think Trump needs something more.  And for the most part, I think he knows this as well.  Something “great” and “big” and "special" for the final stretch (September > October).

So what’s he gonna do?  Talk policy?  Uh no.  Host more press conferences and grant interviews?  Uh doubtful.  Start a new war of some kind?  An isolated military confrontation with Iran?  Maybe a cyber cold war with China?  Always a lingering possibility.  Now he might take unilateral action and declare total victory after 19 long years and withdraw ALL troops from Afghanistan.  But that’s just a hunch of mine.  And it's only if he is in absolute desperation mode.  Regardless, it would be more of an attempt to salvage his perceived legacy.

As of the last campaign quarter, Trump had raised nearly a billion dollars.  Now Biden is currently up around the 550 million mark.  Keep in mind, Trump had a pretty big fund raising head start.  Regardless, I’m pretty sure that both campaigns will surpass the billion dollar mark.  Trump easily.  Biden probably.

But this presidential campaign’s not really about the money.  Sure, more money and tv saturation doesn't hurt.  However, the 2020 cycle is all gonna be about the insults, the lies, the fake news, the media… the DRAMA.

Stormy Daniels?  Yeah, been there done that.  Trump University?  Seriously, what the fuck was that?  Trump Vodka?  Well, at least it doesn’t look tacky.



I will say one thing though.  Trump really puts the teat in teetotaler.



Trump’s taxes?  Yep, still under eternal audit.  What about the bankrupted casinos?  For the love of gamblers anonymous!

So what about the issues?  The economy, unemployment, stock market, Coronavirus, inflation, immigration, cybersecurity, abortion, guns...

My take — Trump would be best advised to eschew ALL the normal issues and make a full-throttle return to his old stomping grounds… REALITY TELEVISION.  Combined with a consistent, heavy barrage of deep fakes, tweetstorm propaganda, social media idiocy, and so on and so forth.  But he needs to go back to his bread and butter… reality television.

Trump must shift the conversation away from just about everything.  He needs to find a way to significantly alter the media coverage and avoid conventional political narratives.  And most importantly...  Change.  The.  Subject.

Now his only major success, the Celebrity Apprentice TV show, seems like ages ago.  But maybe, just maybe, he could resurrect that whole bit.  After all, Celebrity Apprentice was a resounding success.  Seriously, who could ever forget the Meatloaf vs. Gary Busey near fisticuffs.  Don’t do it Meat!  Good thing Brooks and/or Dunn stepped in.

So here’s my 2-pronged strategy for helping out Orange Fanta POS.

First off, he needs a ground strategy.  Let’s call it Operation Circus Peanut.  Why?  Because he’s a sugar-laden clown.  And he bears a striking resemblance to those beloved senior citizen candies w/ a bent dash of Peyronie’s disease.



Trump should simply ask his most rabid supporters for their help.  I need my people to step up!  Patriotic Americans, President Trump is calling on you, asking you to head to the busiest intersections in your hometown.  Big cities and small towns throughout the country.  And proudly hold up either of these two straightforward signs.

THANK YOU
PRESIDENT
TRUMP


or

THANK YOU



PRESIDENT TRUMP

The intention here is to purely escalate tension and infuriate passer-byers.  Thank Donald Trump?!  Thank him for fucking what?!

The “thank you” should be in blue, as if to imply that the person holding the sign might even be a converted Democrat.  And of course, it never hurts to wave the flag.

But here’s the clincher.  Trump makes a grand announcement at the RNC in late August.  “We are launching the “GOLDEN TRUMPET Victory Campaign” in all 50 states.  A $1,000,000 winner from each state.  President Trump wishes to personally thank his most ardent and loyal supporters.  Fifty sign holders will be randomly spotted on the streets, selected throughout the entire country, and bestowed with a  “GOLDEN TRUMPET”… along with an invitation to the Oval Office.  Think in terms of the American Idol auditions w/ a hint of Willy Wonka (strictly for you old timey chocoholics).



Shoot video of each state, each city, name of the person and their profession.  Make sure to mix up all the winners:  black, white, Asian, Native American, LGBTQ, physically challenged, token freckled pale male ginger in a wifebeater, etc.  Doctor, lawyer, teacher, bus driver, janitor, etc.  This has viral mayhem potential.  It’s all about the ecstasy of learning you just became an instant millionaire.  There's a reason that the tv show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" was such a big hit.  It's because everyone wants to be a millionaire.  Makes sense.  Now it might be pure Trumpian nonsense.  But it would effectively mobilize the "Trump Army," drastically change the narrative and suck every last gasp of oxygen from the room.  Did you see the wild celebratory antics of housewife Suzanne Griffith from Bartlesville, Oklahoma?  What about the shenanigans of that dentist Marty Benson in Rhode Island?  Each day, you run a new commercial and throw it up on his twitter feed. 

Hold a grand ceremony in late October with all 50 winners.  To redeem your million bucks, you must simply step forward in front of Trump and make some celebratory noise on your Golden Trumpet.  And then he hands you the check.  He could even autograph each individual trumpet.  Maybe encourage people to sell 'em on ebay and donate the proceeds to charity.  Yep, just like the Celebrity Apprentice theme.

Whatever the case, Trump desperately needs to devise an unorthodox strategy to "steal the show" in 2020.  The Golden Trumpet effectively and sustainably accomplishes that task.

And yeah... I know, I know.  It’s 50 million dollars!  Who’s going to pay for all of this?  Certainly not our billionaire president.  Vladmir Putin's net worth is estimated around 200 billion. Quite certain he'd chip in.  Hell, I’d say just funnel the requisite funding from the RNC and their spam email donation request operation.  My inbox gets about 10 of those per day.  Considering the stakes and the big picture, 50 mil is a drop in the bucket anyway.  Maybe even post-date the checks and condition them NOT bouncing upon a Trump victory.  Now THAT would take balls.  Or in this case...


Wednesday, July 01, 2020

Bigfoot Stomps



Bigfoot Stomps Synopsis:

Beware!  Bigfoot Stomps!

President Donald Trump takes on former Vice President Joe Biden in this whimsical 2020 musical debate.  Sleepy Joe deems Trump guilty of violating the seven deadly sins.  Pride, sloth, greed, lust, envy, wrath and gluttony.  He then implements a sophisticated barrage of interactive, scathing attacks.  But Baby Trump retaliates with questionable rebuttals in the form of anthemic parodies.

Both candidates respectfully allow each other to absorb the spotlight.  However, each time Trump returns to the stage, it becomes increasingly apparent that he’s growing large chunks of mysterious brown body hair.  The POTUS is gradually turning into Bigfoot!

As we all know, the 2020 election is gonna be rigged.  So it provides the ideal opportunity to create a RIG (Random Insult Generator).  This way, each performance is entirely unique.  Similar to the Mad Libs format, it gives new meaning to the term “angry liberal.”  Each Bidenesque declaration consists of a relevant adjective and noun.  And feel free to tack on an additional X-rated slang genitalia expletive.  Note: the sexual banter functions better if men use the vagina references and women use the penis terminology.

The play itself consists of only two characters.  Biden and Trump.  Donald performs the intro material.  But rest assured, both split time evenly on stage.  Fair and balanced.  Biden engages the crowd with melodic observations and sentimental commentary while Trump relies exclusively on the dynamic of song.  At the end, Donald Trump, who has completely morphed into Bigfoot, rejoins with Creepy Joe for a rousing finale.  A very rare, double Coronavirus encore.

Duration:  Each of the seven scenes conveniently lasts about 7 minutes.  Factoring in the Trumpty Dumpty Oompa Loompa hip hop mashup intro and the aforementioned finale, the entire production clocks in almost dead on the hour mark.

Costumes are optional.  Power suits and facial disguises are encouraged but unnecessary.  However, Trump must be sporting his trademark orange wig and traditionally phallic red tie while transitioning into Bigfoot.  Both actors will likely require a free hand in order to follow and read from the scripted worksheets.  Unless they decide to memorize the whole thing… a noble and patriotic endeavor in the face of maximum theatrical absurdity.

Staging: Trump is stage right.  Biden is stage left.  Props consist of 2 podiums and a thoroughly saturated backdrop of American flags.  Exercise your liberty and launch fireworks for a dramatic, cracking conclusion.  Because every day is a celebration of freedom.  Right?  Uh, no.  Left.

Considering the current moratorium placed on small theater performances, Bigfoot Stomps is the perfect Covid-19 approved spectacle for large family, indoor/outdoor gatherings.  Whether it be the 4th of July, Labor Day weekend or even Election Day itself, the production is easily pulled off.  Just fill in the blanks and play along.  Its overriding purpose is to bring a renewed sense of joy and camaraderie to families who’ve spent the last 4 years racked by political disharmony, ideological acrimony, and so on and so forth.

If this musical ever sees the light of day or the darkness of night, I have but a single request.  Thou shalt NOT be seated.  Everyone must stand up for the duration god damnit!  Why?  Because it’s straight-up party time.  Also, you might feel the need to stomp accordingly.  Hey it’s only one hour out of your entire life.  Show some respect.

Bigfoot Stomps should only be performed on Saturday nights.  Ideally after a Friday night performance of my other musical.  See?  That way it falls back to back with Bat Boy Bites Back.  Both daytimes are reserved for walking half-marathons throughout the host city.  More about the rationale for that in my next book… Locks and Bridges.  Sundays are strictly designated for driving home, flying back, relaxation and recuperation.

As the show reaches its conclusion, only one thing can be said with absolute certainty.  Regardless of the 2020 election outcome, Trump will whine and pout, bitch and complain.  And oh yes.

He. Will. Stomp!  Both literally and physically… in perpetuity.



Introduction: Trumpty Dumpty > Trump hip hop mashup

Act I.  Pride
Act II.  Sloth
Act III.  Greed
Act IV.  Lust
Act V.  Envy
Act VI.  Wrath
Act VII.  Gluttony

Encore: Hey Vaccine > My Corona

Oompa Loompa Intro

(In an ideal world, there’d be a full cast of midgets in burnt siena face.  But the timing just ain’t right.  Maybe substitute some overweight local 5th graders)

Oompa loompa doompety doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

What do you get when you guzzle down sweets
Eating as much as an elephant eats
What are you at, getting terribly fat
What do you think will come of that
I don't like the look of it

Oompa loompa doompety da
If you're not greedy, you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa loompa doompety do
Doompety do

Oompa loompa doompety doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompeda dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while
It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile
But it's repulsive, revolting and wrong
Chewing and chewing all day long
The way that a cow does

Oompa loompa doompety da
Given good manners you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa loompa doompety do

Oompa loompa doompety do
I’ve got another puzzle for you
Oompa loompa doompety dee
If you are wise you'll listen to me

Who do you blame when your kid is a… brat
Pampered and spoiled like a siamese… cat
Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame
You know exactly who's to blame
The mother and the father

Oompa loompa doompety da
If you're not spoiled then you will go far
You will live in happiness too
Like the Oompa Loompa Doompety do




Trumpty Dumpty Intro

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety true
I’ve got a Chinese virus for you
Humpty Dumpty Trumpety tree
You will enjoy depression from me

What do you get when you muzzle my tweets
Tweeting as much as I lie, steal and cheat
Why is my gut so incredibly fat?
Why is Michael Cohen a rat?
I don’t really give a shit

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump
If you feel shitty, go take a dump
You will have a great state of grump
Like the Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump
(Extended pause) Trumpety Trump  

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety true
I’ve got Coronavirus for you
Humpty Dumpty Trumpety tree
You will receive oppression from me

Big Macs are fine when it’s once in a while
If you don’t stuff your face like a Jewww… venile.
Still it’s disgraceful, disturbing and wrong
Tweeting and tweeting all day long
The way that a Trump does

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump
My ass smells like a toxic waste dump
I am (a) big fat gluttonous lump
Like the Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety true
I’ve got some Covid nineteen for you
Humpty Dumpty Trumpety tree
You will endure aggression from me

What do you do when your Trump is a… cunt
Camera and candid like a televised… Funt
Blaming the Dems is a flim and a… flam
You know exactly what’s the scam
President of U.S.A

Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump
If you’re not soiled, take pride in your rump
You will have more fat and more plump
Like the Humpty Dumpty Trumpety Trump




TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 1
California Love - Tupac Shakur


California love!
California, knows how to party
California, knows how to party
In the city of L.A.
In the city of good ol' Watts
In the city, the city of Compton
We keep it rocking!
We keep it rocking!

Now let me welcome everybody to the wild, wild west
A state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness
The track hits ya eardrum like a slug to ya chest
Pack a vest for your Jimmy in the city of sex   
We in that sunshine state with a bomb ass hemp beat   
The state where ya never find a dance floor empty
And pimps be on a mission for them greens
Lean mean money-making-machines serving fiends
I been in the game for ten years making rap tunes   
Ever since honeys was wearing Sassoon
Now it's '95 and they clock me and watch me
Diamonds shining looking like I robbed Liberac
It's all good, from Diego to the Bay
Your city is the bomb if your city making pay   
Throw up a finger if ya feel the same way
Dre putting it down for Californ-I-A

California (California), knows how to party (knows how to party)
California (West Coast), knows how to party (yes, it is)
In the city of L.A. (city of L.A)
In the city of good ol' Watts (good ol' Watts)   
In the city, the city of Compton (city of Compton)
We keep it rocking (keep it rocking)
We keep it rocking
Shake, shake it baby, shake, shake it
Shake, shake it mama, shake it Cali
Shake, shake it baby, shake, shake it
Shake, shake it mama, shake it Cali




TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 1
Mar-a-Lago Love - sonofsaf


Mar-a-Lago love!
Mar-a-Lago, the grand ‘ol party
Mar-a-Lago, the grand ‘ol party
In the city, of Del Ray
In the city, Okeechobee
In the city, the city of Palm Beach
We keep on golfing!
We keep on golfing!

Now let me welcome everybody to this vile, vile mess
My money’s untraceable, my Benjamin’s blessed
The fake t-t-titties are da bomb and da best
Take a pill for your penis, give you hard on for the sex
We in the sunshine state, Tropicana orange juice
State vitamin C and the pulpin’s a plenty
And chimps, be evolvin’ by all means
Mean G money monkey routines selling greens
I been president for four years fakin’ the news
Ever since Trumpy was actin’ buffoon
Now it’s 2020, and they suck me and fuck me
Sirens signing clowning like a robbed Pagliacci
It’s all bad, from Jupiter so they say
Your shitty is the brown if your shittin’ stay away
Stand or be seated, the check is on the way
Trump gettin’ it down, for Mar-a-Lago-Hey

Mar-a-Lago (Mara-a-Lago), the grand ‘ol party (the grand ‘ol party)
Mar-a-Lago (East Coast), the grand ‘ol party (no, it’s not)
In the city, of Del Ray (city of Del Ray)
In the city, Okeechobee (Okeechobee)
In the city of Palm Beach (city of Palm Beach)
We keep on golfing (keep on golfing)
We keep on golfing
Trump, Trumpet baby, Trump, Trumpet
Trump, Trumpet Donald, Trumpet horny
Trump, Trumpet baby, Trump, Trumpet
Trump, Trumpet Donald, Trumpet horny


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 2
Big Pimpin’  - Jay Z


We be… big pimpin, spendin G’s
We be… big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'s
We be… big pimpin down in P.A.T. 
It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B.
Cause we be… big pimpin, spendin G’s    
And we be… big pimpin, on B.L.A.D.'s
Cause we be… big pimpin in P.A.T.
It's just that Jigga Man, Pimp C, and B-U-N B…  nigga


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 2
Big Trumpin’ - sonofsaf


We be… big Trumpin’, spendin G’s.
We be… big Trumpin, on Pentagon D’s.
We be… big Trumpin’ down in Wash D.C.
It’s just that Jared Kush, Mike P. grand ‘ol party
Cause we be… big Trumpin’ spendin’ G’s
We be big Trumpin, on Pentagon D’s
We be big Trumpin’ in Wash D.C.
It’s just that Jared Kush, Mike P. grand ‘ol party… honkey


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 3
Jump - Kris Kross


You should know, you should know that ah
Kris Kross is not having anything today
As we stand there totally krossed out
We commence to make you
Jump jump
The Mac Dad will make you jump jump
Daddy Mac will make you jump jump
Kris Kross will make you jump jump



TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 3
Trump - sonofsaf


You should know, you should know that ah
Fat Ass is not having calories today
As I sit here totally plumped out
My two cents will make you
Trump, Trump
The fat fuck will make you Trump, Trump
Fatty fuck will make you Trump, Trump
Fat ass will make you Trump, Trump


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 4
Insane in the Brain - Cypress Hill


Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain
Insane in the membrane
Insane in the brain


 
TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 4
Campaign on the Trump Train - sonofsaf


Campaign on the Trump Train
Inane in the brain
Complain on the Trump Train
Profane in the brain.   
Disdain on the Trump Train
Migraine in the brain!
Cocaine on the Trump Train
Insane in the brain


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 5
Salt’n’Pepa medley


Push it

Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop
Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss
Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed       
Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard like I wish you would?
Now push it
Push it good
Push it real good
Push it good
P-push it real good    >

Let’s Talk About Sex


Let’s talk about sex baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things
That may be
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex    >

Shoop


Hell, makes we wanna shoop shoop shoop

Shoop ba-doops shoop ba-doop
Shoop ba-doop ba-doop ba-doop
Scoop ba-doop shoop Ba-doop
Shoop ba-doop, ba-doop, ba-doop



TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 5
sonofsaf medley

Trump it

Yo, yo, yo, yo Trumpy fuck
Yeah, you come here, and suck my dick
Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed       
Can't you hear the music's Trumpin' hard makes me so sad?
Now Trump it
Trump it bad
Trump it real bad
Trump it bad
T-trump it real bad        >

Let’s Talk About Trump

Let’s talk about Trump baby
Let’s talk about me and see
Let’s talk about all the Trump things
And the Trump things
That may be
Let’s talk about Trump
Let’s talk about Trump     >

Trump

Hell, makes me wanna Trump Trump Trump

Trump a lump, big fat clump
In a slump, ba-Trump ba-Trump
take a dump, Forrest Gump
Trump ba-Trump ba-Trump ba-Trump


TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 6
Jump Around - House of Pain


(intro riff)

I came to get down, I came to get down
So get out your seat and jump around!
Jump around!
Jump around!
Jump around!
Jump up, jump up and get down!
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (Everybody jump)
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! (Everybody jump)
Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump!
Jump!



TRUMP MASHUP INTRO part 6
Trump’s a clown - sonofsaf


(intro riff)

I came to throw down, I came to throw down
So throw up your set and Trump around!
Trump’s a clown!
Trump’s a clown!
Trump’s a clown!
Trump up, Trump up and get down!
Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! (Everybody Trump)
Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!
Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump! (Everybody Trump)
Trump! Trump! Trump! Trump!
Trump!


Slang Male Genitalia References

1. Baby Carrot
2. Badonkadong
3. Bush Whacker
4. Cack
5. Chubb
6. Cum Gun
7. Cunt Buster
8. Dick Cheney
9. Dong
10. Epididymis
11. Foreskin
12. Fuck Pole
13. Fuck Stick
14. Groin
15. Hebrew National
16. Hillshire Farms Kielbasa
17. Itchy and Scratchy
18. Jag-Off
19. Johnson
20. Lil’ Billy
21. Meat Whistle
22. Member
23. Millimeter Peter
24. Mister Pee Pee
25. Needle Dick
26. Non-Kosher Pickle
27. One Eyed Monster
28. One Hundred Percent All Beef Thermometer
29. Pecker
30. Piggly Wiggly
31. Piss Pipe
32. Prick
33. Pocket Monster
34. Pork Sword
35. Pubic Cigar
36. Purple Headed Draft Dodger
37. Schlong-a-long-a-ding-dong
38. Scrotum
39. Skin Flute
40. Snot Rifle
41. Sperm Factory
42. Tallywhacker
43. Testosteroni
44. Trouser Snake
45. Twinkie Winkie
46. Vein Train
47. Vienna Sausage
48. Wang
49. Weiner of Mass Destruction
50. Womb Jabber



Slang Female Genitalia References

1. Bearded Clam
2. Beaver Fever County Bounty
3. Bleeding Meat Socket
4. Boner Pit
5. Boom Boom Burger
6. Box of Rain
7. Clitty
8. Comfy Coin Purse
9. Coochie Monster
10. Cooter Chasm
11. Cooze
12. Cunt
13. Douchebag
14. English Muffin
15. Fish Called Jane Fonda
16. Fuck Bucket
17. Gash
18. Glory Hole
19. Gooey Gorge
20. Hoo-Haw
21. Jizz Vacuum
22. Jungle Juicebox
23. Labia
24. Lesbo Lunch
25. Meat Curtains
26. Moist Pocket
27. Orifice
28. Penis Flytrap
29. Pink Panther
30. Polenta Placenta
31. Poontang Pie
32. Pussy
33. Queef
34. Quivering Quim
35. Sausage Wallet
36. Semen Locker
37. Snatch
38. Snizzatch
39. Sperm Jacuzzi
40. Split Finger Whisker Biscuit
41. Squirt Fountain
42. Steaming Garage
43. Stink Sandwich
44. Tampon Tunnel
45. Toothless Blowjob
46. Tuna Pot Pie
47. Twat-a-Rama
48. Vaginamite
49. Vulva
50. Yeast Infection



Scene 1: Pride

Adjectives: cantankerous, dogmatic, headstrong, intransigent, mercurial, unyielding, vinegary
Nouns: blowhard, braggart, egomaniac, grandstander, narcissist, trumpeter, windbag

Preamble refrain: The President is a…


Pride (Sin #1) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (line 5 is the crowd)

1 - 1A.  Kushner ain’t right.  Pompeo ain’t right. Mike Pence is too right.  Right?  They could sure use a little Cheap Trick. (Spoken)
I want you to want me. (Spoken)
I want you to hate Trump. (Sung)
C’mon gang. (Optional quip)
I want you to hate Trump. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 1B.  I’ll never side with the far right… unless it’s Right Said Fred.  You can take that to the bank!
I’m too sexy for my shirt.
Trump’s too ugly and butt hurt. Too ugly and butt hurt. So ugly (yeah) it hurts.
Your turn.
Trump’s too ugly and butt hurt. Too ugly and butt hurt.  So ugly (yeah) it hurts.

3 - 1C.  Attorney General Bill Barr’s Justice League?  To hell with that!  I’m down with the Human League.
Don’t you want me baby?  Don’t you want me, ohhh?
We know Trump’s a baby.  Trump’s a baby, ohhh.
Louder.
We know Trump’s a baby.  Trump’s a baby, ohhh.

4 - 1D.  Paul Simon, I know you prefer the sound of silence.  Be forewarned, my buddy ExecuJet has your home phone number. 
The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls.
The words of the Trumpers are written on the bathroom stalls.
You go.
The words of the Trumpers are written on the bathroom stalls.

5 - 1E.  Taylor Swift says “we will vote you out in November.”
You belong to me-e-e.
Trump is wrong for me-e-e.
Let it out.
Trump is wrong for me-e-e.

6 - 1F.  Montell Jordan’s all up in the white hizzay.
This is how we do it.  This is how we do it.
We don’t want no trumpet.  We don’t want no trumpet. 
You sound so sweet.
We don’t want no trumpet.  We don’t want no trumpet.

7 - 1G.  Not only is it Biden time, it’s hammer time as well folks.  MC that is.
You can’t touch this.
You can’t Trump this.
My, my, my, my.
You can’t Trump this.


Pride (In the name of love) - U2

One man come in the name of love
One man, he come and go
One man comes he to justify
One man to overthrow

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

One man caught on a barbed wire fence
One man he resist
One man washed up on an empty beach
One man betrayed with a kiss

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love

Early evening, April four
A shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love


In the name of love
What more in the name of love
In the name of love
What more in the name of love


Pride (In the name of Trump) - sonofsaf

Asshole cum in the name of Trump
Asshole is here to stay
Asshole cum just to terrify
Asshole won’t go away

In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump
In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump

Asshole twat with a boob Mike Pence
Asshole won’t desist
Asshole shit upon the toilet seat
Asshole installed takes a piss

In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump
In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump

Twenty Twenty, November third
There is no doubt, for a White House try
Votes are cast, they stole your shit
And took you for a ride

In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump
In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump

In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump
In the name of Trump
Four more in the name of Trump


Sloth: Scene 2

Adjectives: dilatory, indolent, languid, leisurely, phlegmatic, sluggish
Nouns: bum, deadbeat, loafer, moocher, slacker, slouch, sponger

Preamble refrain: The Commander in Chief is a…


Sloth (Sin #2) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (line 5 is the crowd)

1 - 2A. The godfather of reggae ain’t gnarly.  He’s Bob Marley. (Spoken)
Get up, stand up.  Stand up for your rights. (Spoken)
Sit down shut up.  Watch him steal your rights. (Sung)
Lemme hear ya. (Optional quip)
Sit down shut up.  Watch him steal your rights. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 2B.  Trump dick picks?  Uh, no thank you.  I swear by the River Styx.
Too much time on my hands.
Too much Trump in these lands.
Yeah, you sing it.
Too much Trump in these lands.

3 - 2C.  Hey hey Trump’s a monkey.  But people call him chunky the clown. 
Cheer up sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean, to a, daydream believer and a homecoming queen.
Fuck you Donald Trump, you are such a grump, for an, income tax cheater and a real estate chump.
I wanna hear your voice.
Fuck you Donald Trump, you are such a grump, for an, income tax cheater and a real estate chump.

4 - 2D.  Now I’ll tell you whose got that European rhythm.  It’s the Eurythmics. We need to fix our alliances!
Sweet dreams are made of this.  Who am I to disagree?
Wet dreams are made of Trump.  Who is he to wanna hump?
Would I lie to you?
Wet dreams are made of Trump.  Who is he to wanna hump?

5 - 2E.  Donna Summertime… and the living’s easy.
She works hard for the money.
Trump plays golf when it’s sunny.
Swing out sister.
Trump plays golf when it’s sunny.

6 - 2F.  Whether it’s Michael Sembello’s flash dance or son of Saf’s flash mobs, all roads lead to Pittsburgh.
She’s a maniac (maniac) on the floor.  And she’s dancing like she’s never danced before.
Trump’s a brainiac, (brainiac) to the core.  And he’s tweeting like he’s never twat before.
Pump it!
Trump’s a brainiac, (brainiac) to the core.  And he’s tweeting like he’s never twat before.

7 - 2G.  Let’s all walk this way for a little Run D.M.C.
It’s trick-A, it’s tricky tricky tricky.
It’s Trump-A, it’s trumpy trumpy trumpy.
Gettin’ jiggy with it!
It’s Trump-A, it’s trumpy trumpy trumpy.


Bang the Drum - Todd Rundgren

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

Ever since I was a tiny boy
I don't want no candy, don't need no toy
I took a stick and an old coffee can
I bang on that thing till I got blisters on my hand

Because

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

When I'm older they think I'm a fool
The teacher told me I should stay after school
She caught me pounding on the desk with my hands
But my licks was so hot I made the teacher wanna dance

And that's why

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

Listen to this

every day when I get home from work
I feel so frustrated the boss is a jerk
And I get my sticks and go out to the shed
And I pound on that drum like it was the boss’s head because

Because

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day

I don't want to work
I want to bang on the drum all day
I don't want to play
I just want to bang on the drum all day




I AM a Fat Jerk - sonofsaf

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

Ever since I was a stupid kid
I don’t do my homework, it ain’t what I did
I got a loan from my super rich dad
And used up all his money on my helicopter pad

Because

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

When I became a reality star
The network they gave me, a driver and (a) car
And said my ratings, were way off the charts
They said I was so great and even asked to smell my farts

And that’s why

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

Listen to this

Every day when I sleep in too late
I watch the Fox & Friends, they tell me I’m great
But when I grab the remote, and change the damn news
It’s all these people sayin’ that I’ve never paid my dues

Because

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day

I AM a fat jerk
I want to tweet on my phone all day
I don’t want to work
I just want to golf on the course all day


Scene 3: Greed

Adjectives: avaricious, edacious, materialistic, parsimonious, penurious, predatory, rapacious
Nouns: bail bondsman, bounty hunter, CEO, Chairman of the Board, Don, mercenary,  philistine

Preamble refrain: Donald Trump is a…



Greed (Sin #3) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (Line 5 is the crowd)

1 - 3A.  Whether it’s Alice’s restaurant or Mel’s diner, there’s always a seat at the table for my old friend Woody Guthrie. (Spoken)
It’s not this land was made for you and me. It’s… (Spoken)
This land was made for me and Trump. (pause) Duh! (Sung)
Express yourself. (Optional quip)
This land was made for me and Trump. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 3B.  It was not a lovely day for my man who passed away. RIP Bill Withers (1938-2020). 
Just the two of us.  We can make it if we try.
Just the few of us.  We can take it if we try.
Lovely day.
Just the few of us.  We can take it if we try.

3 - 3C.  My friend Man-Diamond is a Janis Joplin junkie.  La da da, La da da da da da da da.
Freedom’s just another word.  What have you got to lose?
Money’s just another word for cashing in the Jews.
Word to your rabbi.
Money’s just another word for cashing in the Jews.

4 - 3D.  The Beatles, The Beatles, The Beatles.  Look that’s been 40 fuckin years now.  It just makes me fucking sick.
When you talk about destruction, don’t you know that you can count me out.
When you talk about inflation, don’t you know that you can count Trump in.
(Insert name of host city/town) ’s in the house.
When you talk about inflation, don’t you know that you can count Trump in.

5 - 3E.  We are witnessing the clash of civilizations people!
The Shareef don’t like it.  Rock the Casbah!  Rock the Casbah!
President don’t like it.  Trump the NAFTA!  Trump the NAFTA!
That’s some hot shit!
President don’t like it.  Trump the NAFTA!  Trump the NAFTA!

6 - 3F.  Now I’m a white straight heterosexual, but I love me some Marvin Gaye.
Oooh, I heard it through the grapevine.
Oooh, he bird striked all the airlines.
Comin’ thru. Hot soup!
Oooh, he bird striked all the airlines.

7 - 3G.  Wrath of Khaaaaan, yay!
She take my money, when I’m in need.
Trump print mo’ money, to feed the greed.
House niggers in the house!
Trump print mo’ money, to feed the greed.


Money - Pink Floyd

Money, get away
Get a good job with good pay and you're okay
Money, it's a gas
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash
New car, caviar, four star daydream
Think I'll buy me a football team

Money, get back
I'm all right Jack keep your hands off of my stack
Money, it's a hit
Don't give me that do goody good bullshit
I'm in the high-fidelity first class traveling set
And I think I need a Lear jet

Money, it's a crime
Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie
Money, so they say
Is the root of all evil today
But if you ask for a raise it's no surprise that they're
Giving none away, away, away, away, away, away, away



Money - sonofsaf

Money, gimme more
Give a tax cut, don’t be sore and you’re a whore
Money, gives me gas
All the shit I can buy makes me an ass
Nuclear, have no fear, not what it seems.
Think I’ll tweet me some more twitter memes

Money, ball sack
I need, a whack, put your hands on a my cack
Money, it’s the shit!
Up your ass, super bad mega bet
I’m with the all-celebrity, white male nationalists
Play them like a marionette

Money, it’s a rhyme
Prime time, meantime, but don’t put it all on my dime
Money, all the way
Just as long as you don’t disobey
So when they ask for your vote, it’s no surprise that you’re
Givin’ it away, so cray, so cray, so cray, so cray, so cray, so cray, so cray


Scene 4: Lust

Adjectives:  bawdy, filth-laden, hedonistic, lascivious, lecherous, salacious, wanton
Nouns: Cassanova, gigilo, John, Lothario, philanderer, pimp, prostitute

Preamble refrain: Donald J. Trump is a…


Lust (Sin #4) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (line 5 is the crowd)

1 - 4A.  Donald Trump, who are you?  Who? Who? What are you a freakin’ owl? (Spoken - Al Pacino/Heat)
I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth. (Spoken)
I was born with a strap-on dick up my ass. (Sung)
Great ass! (Optional quip)
I was born with a strap-on dick up my ass. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 4B.  Frankie goes to Hollywood… yeah, I know.  So he can hang out with the liberal elite.
Relax, don’t do it.  When you wanna cum. Trump thinks…
The blacks, ain’t worth shit.  They’re all from the slums.
Got to hit me (hit me)
The blacks, ain’t worth shit.  They’re all from the slums.

3 - 4C.  Never saw the Beatles, but I did get handcuffed and thrown out of a Paul McCartney concert.
She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Trump hates you, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let it be.
Trump hates you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

4 - 4D.  Hey, screw the wicked sisters.  Bring on the righteous brothers.
You’ve lost that lovin’ feelin’.  Ohhh that lovin feelin’.
You bought that Trumpin’ feelin’.  Ohhh that Trumpin feelin.’
Bring it back.
You bought that Trumpin’ feelin’.  Ohhh that Trumpin feelin.’

5 - 4E.  PMRC?  Tipper Gore, eat your heart out!  And your pussy out!  Give it up for Two Live Crew.
Oh, me so horny.  Me love you long time.
Oh, me so Trumpy.  Me tweet you long time.
Yeah, we grabbin’ pussay.
Oh, me so Trumpy.  Me tweet you long time.

6 - 4F.  For the love of Crayola, color me bad!
I wanna sex you up.
Trump doesn’t need makeup.
The guy is cray.
Trump doesn’t need makeup.

7 - 4G.  Introducing my good friend LL Cool J.  He represents Queens, He was born out of Brooklyn.
Doin’ it and doin’ it and doin’ it well.
Trumpin’ it and trumpin’ it and trumpin’ it bad.
Yo mama said vote him out!
Trumpin’ it and trumpin’ it and trumpin’ it bad.

Yeah! We’re over half way there!  Let’s do a bone-us sin!

8 - 4H.  The time has come for a change.
My jungle love, yeah (oh we oh we oh), I think I wanna know ya (know ya).
That Donald Trump, yeah (oh we oh we oh), I think he wants to blow ya (blow ya).
Jessie, now Jerome.
That Donald Trump, yeah (oh we oh we oh), I think he wants to blow ya (blow ya).


I Love You - Climax Blues Band

When I was younger man I hadn't a care
Foolin' around, hitting the town, growing my hair
You came along and stole my heart when you entered my life
Ooh babe you got what it takes so I made you my wife

Since then I never looked back
It's almost like living a dream
And ooh I love you   

You came along from far away and found me here
I was playin' around, feeling down, hittin' the beer
You picked me up from off the floor and gave me a smile
You said you're much too young, your life ain't begun, let's walk for awhile   

And as my head was spinnin' 'round
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you
Thank you babe for being a friend
And shinin' your light in my life
'Cause ooh I need you

As my head was comin' round   
I gazed into your eyes
And thought ooh I want you

Thanks again for being my friend
And straightenin' out my life
'Cause ooh I need you

Since then I never looked back
It's almost like livin' a dream
Oh I got you

If ever a man had it all
It would have to be me
 

And ooh I love you


I Trumped You  - sonofsaf


When I was, Brooklyn boy, life wasn’t (so) fair
Flamin’ the town, stormin’ the porn, losin’ my hair
You sucked my dong and licked my balls, when you offered your life
Ooh whore, Slovenian slut, wontcha be my third wife

Since then, went on the attack
It’s almost like makin’ me cream
And ooh, I’ll fuck you

So politics, of U.S.A., I hold it dear
I was bein’ a clown, royal crown, profiteer
I said what’s up, with no rapport, it’s just my lifestyle
You said I never won, but it could be fun, let’s show them you’re vile

And as Fox News was throwin’ down
I puked right down your throat
And thought ooh, I’ll Trump you
Thank U.S. for letting me fuck
the brains right outta your mind
Cause ooh, I’ll Trump you

As Fox News was spewin’ out
I jacked into your ass
And thought ooh, I’ll fist you

Thanks again for playin’ pretend
And screwin’ up all of our lives
Cause ooh, I fucked you

Since then, went on the attack
It’s almost like makin’ me cream
Ooh, I fooled you

If ever a clown, fucked it up
Maybe you wait and see?
Fuck you, I Trumped you


Scene 5: Envy

Adjectives: begrudging, bigoted, chauvinistic, covetous, jingoistic, misogynistic, toxic
Nouns: big wig, celebrity, fat cat, hotshot, luminary, Grand Poo-bah, wannabe

Preamble refrain: Trump is a…


Envy (sin #5) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (line 5 is the crowd singalong)

1 - 5A.  Next time you get DQ, sing the banana split song.  We’re talkin’ a Harry Belafonte discount. (Spoken)
Daylight come and me wan’ go home. (Spoken)
Fistfight come and me wan’ punch Trump. (Sung)
Jahman. (Optional quip)
Fistfight come and me wan’ punch Trump. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 5B.  Do I love The Beatles?  Heck yeah, I do.  And for that matter, locusts and frogs, too.  I’m all up in the plagues.
Let me take you down, cause I’m going to, Strawberry Fields.
Let me bring you down, cause we’re going to, Mar-A-Lago.
Lemme hear ya down South.
Let me bring you down, cause we’re going to, Mar-A-Lago.

3 - 5C.  Hey, that girl looks just like Pat Benatar. Hey, uh, Pat Benadryl… Vote for Joe!
Love is a battlefield.
Trump sucks at track and field.
Hit me with your best shot.
Trump sucks at track and field.

4 - 5D.  Uh, Mr. President, Pink Floyd wishes you weren’t here. 
Hey teacher, leave those kids alone.
Hey Trumpy, throw the poor a bone.
Social distance!
Hey Trumpy, throw the poor a bone.

5 - 5E.  You know who’s really something?  It’s my friend Rocker.  She puts the bird nerd in Lynyrd Skynyrd.
When I leave here tomorrow, will you still remember me?
When I screw you tomorrow, will you still retweet my tweet?
Let me see your cigarette lighters.
When I screw you tomorrow, will you still retweet my tweet?


6 - 5F. The bitch is back!  Ladies and gentlemen, Sir Elton John
Hold me closer tiny dancer.  Count the headlights on the highway.
Donald Trump don’t help his sheeple.  Count the dumbshits on the parkway.
Let’s get real folks.
Donald Trump don’t help his sheeple.  Count the dumbshits on the parkway.

7 - 5G.  Hey, from Compton to Camden, they ain’t listenin’ to Peter Frampton
I want you, to show me the way.
I hate Trump, he won’t go away.
Wash those hands!  (Stayin’ alive)
I hate Trump, he won’t go away.


Jealous Guy - John Lennon

I was dreaming of the past
And my heart was beating fast
I began to lose control
I began to lose control
I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you.
I'm just a jealous guy

I was feeling insecure
You might not love me anymore
I was shivering inside
I was shivering inside
Oh I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy

I was trying to catch your eyes
Thought that you was trying to hide
I was swallowing my pain
I was swallowing my pain

I didn't mean to hurt you
I'm sorry that I made you cry
Oh no I didn't want to hurt you
I'm just a jealous guy   

Watch out baby I'm just a jealous guy
Look out baby I'm just a jealous guy



Perfect Guy - sonofsaf

I was calling you an ass
As my ass was passing gas
I began to shit myself
I began to shit myself
No need for toilet paper
There’s no need for diapers and wipes
Oh my, no need for toilet paper
I’m just a perfect guy

We were by the waterfront
I was thinking you’re a cunt
I began to piss myself
I began to piss myself
Oh, I didn’t need a urinal
The pee is dribbling down my thigh
Oh my, I didn’t need a urinal
I’m just a perfect guy

I didn’t need a urinal
The pee is dribbling down my thigh
Oh my, I didn’t need a urinal
I’m just a perfect guy

I was feeling up your chest
It felt much worse than all the rest
I began to suck myself
I began to suck myself

I needn’t titty fuck you
It ain’t even worth a try
Oh no, I needn’t titty fuck you
I’m just a perfect guy

You suck baby, I’m just a perfect guy
Fuck you baby, I’m just a perfect guy


Scene 6: Wrath


Adjectives: catty, implacable, malicious, pernicious, spiteful, venomous, vindictive
Nouns: autocrat, despot, dictator, fascist, Hitler Kim Jong illin’ villain, tyrant

Preamble refrain: #45 is a…


Wrath (sin #6) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden), (line 5 is the crowd singalong)

1 - 6A.  Killing in the name of… Trump.  Feel the rage against the machine. (Spoken)
Fuck you, I won’t do what you told me. (Spoken)
Fuck Trump, I won’t do what he tells me. (Sung)
Fight the power. (Optional quip)
Fuck Trump, I won’t do what he tells me. (Crowd Singalong)

2 - 6B.  Back in Black?  Trump thinks AC/DC’s shoulda named their album White is Right!
For those about to rock, we salute you.
For those about to Trump, we refute you.
Cuz I’m T.N.T.
For those about to Trump, we refute you.

3 - 6C.  Hey everyone, this is on a need to know basis, but Mike Pence has got a big ‘ol craving for Trump’s tiny Bono. You too?
Sunday Bloody Sunday.
Tuesday bloody Tuesday.
Ahhh oooh (like Prince).
Tuesday bloody Tuesday.

4 - 6D.  Trump old.  Neil Young. (Spoken)
Four dead in O-HI-O. (Spoken)
More dead and oh why oh. (Sung)
Grab your partner, dosey doe. (Optional quip)
More dead and oh why oh. (Crowd singalong)

5 - 6E.  My buddy Greeley thinks The Doors are the most overrated band of all time.
Beautiful friend, this is the end.
Pitiful Trump, you are the dump.
Break on through.
Pitiful Trump, you are the dump.

6 - 6F.  My friends, it’s time for some flexible kneeling.  Compliments of Marvin Gaye.
War is not the answer, because only love can conquer hate.
Trump is not the answer, because only hate can obfuscate.
Workin’ 9 to 5.
Trump is not the answer, because only hate can obfuscate.

7 - 6G.  Help!  I need a closer.  Let’s go with The Beatles.
And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.
And in the end, the hate you make is equal to the hate you fake.
Fuck off!
And in the end, the hate you make is equal to the hate you fake.


I Hate Everything About You - Ugly Kid Joe

I hate the rain and sunny weather
And I hate beach and mountains too, boo hoo
(And) I don't like a thing about the city, no, no
And I, I, I, hate the countryside too!

And I, hate everything about you!
...Everything about you!

And I don't like a thing about your mother
And I, I hate your daddy's guts too, boo hoo
And I don't like a thing about your sister, no, no
'Cause I, I, I think sex is overrated too

And I get sick when I'm around, I can't stand to be around
I hate everything about you!
Everything about you, everything about you, everything about you!

Some say I've got a bad attitude
But that don't change the way I feel about you
And if you think this might be bringing me down   
Look again 'cause I ain't wearing no frown!

Well, I know you know everybody knows
The way it comes, the way it's gonna go
You think it's sad
Well that's too bad
'Cause I'm havin'
A ball hatin'
Every little thing about you! ha-ha!

Everything about you, everything about
I get sick when I'm around
I can't stand to be around

I hate everything about...

YOU!



I Hate Everything About Jews - sonofsaf

I hate the black and browny people
And I, I hate the poor and Muslims too,  Yoo-hoo
And I, don’t like a thing about the faggots, no, no
And, I, I, I, hate the handicapped too

And I, hate everything about Jews
Everything about Jews

And I don’t like a thing about Pelosi
And I, I, hate the Democrats too (Ric Flair Woooh!)
And I don’t like a thing about the left wing, no, no
Cause I, I, I think walls are underrated too

And I, get thick and very round, I, McRib is back in town
I hate everything about Jews
Everything about Jews, Everything about Jews, Everything about Jews!

Some say I’m in a horrible mood
Should rearrange and change my whole world view
But if you think this might be takin’ me down
Think again Trump Train is rollin’ thru town

Well, I know you know everybody knows
The way I cum, it’s all part of the show
Ya wanna get laid
(Ya) gotta get paid
‘Cause I’m lovin’
A Cohen jailin’
Everything little thing about Jews.  M.C.! (ha-ha!)

Everything about Jews, everything about
I get thick and very round
I, McRib is back in town

I hate everything about…

Jews!



Scene 7: Gluttony

Adjectives: hoggish, insatiable, intemperate, omnivorous, ravenous, unquenchable, voracious
Nouns: behemoth, butterball, fat bastard, hippo, lard ass, pig, porker

Preamble refrain: The orange prolapse is a…


Gluttony (Sin #7) (lines 1-4 are Joe Biden) (line 5 is the crowd singalong)

1 - 7A. No my first name ain't baby.  It's Janet.  Miss Jackson if you're nasty.  (Spoken)
Who’s that eating that nasty fruit?  Nasty boys. (Spoken)
Who’s that actin’ all nasty cunt?  Nasty Trump. (Sung)
Hashtag Nasty NippleGate. (Optional quip)
Who’s that acting all nasty cunt?  Nasty Trump. (Crowd singalong)

2 - 7B.  Hey, what if Trump pressed the wrong button?  Doctor Strangelove, eh?
I want candy!
I hate Trumpy!
Doctor Doctor (Thompson Twins) or Medic!  We need a medic!
I hate Trumpy!

3 - 7C.  Ya know, Minnesota Fats was a great pool shark.  But he ain’t no Fats Dominipede.
I found my thrill, on Blueberry hill.
Trump found his will, the fervor to kill
Sweet knees! Sizzle lips!
Trump found his will, the fervor to kill.

4 - 7D.   Lemme just say, there’s a certain group of Americans that juts keep on Trumpin’ in the fake world.  Well I say, you must kneel before Neil.
Want to live on Sugar Mountain.
Want to drink from Trumper Fountain.
Down by the river!
Want to drink from Trumper Fountain.

5 - 7E.  Mr. Roger’s wife was Mick Jagger’s waitress the night before a Rolling Stones concert.  Altius!
Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good now?
Orange Trumper, how come you look so bad now?
Goin’ to a go-go.
Orange Trumper, how come you look so bad now?

6 - 7F.  If you really think about it, Donald Trump & Rudy Giuiliani are like the Commodore 64’s of cybersecurity.
She’s a brick house.
He’s a prick spouse.
Where’s Stormy?  Where’s Stormy? (Spoken - Donald Trump/Hunter)
He’s a prick spouse.

7 - 7G.  Hey gang, let’s hit the all you can eat buffet before the Jimmy Buffett show.
Cheeseburger in paradise.
Trump murder is very nice.
Where’s the beef?
Trump murder is very nice.


Fat - Weird Al Yankovic

Your butt is wide, well mine is too
Just watch your mouth or I'll sit on you
The word is out, better treat me right
'Cause I'm the king of cellulite

Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

Well, I've never used a phone booth
And I've never seen my toes
When I'm goin' to the movies   
I take up seven rows
               
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)               
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)           
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)           
Don'tcha call me pudgy, portly or stout   
Just now tell me once again who's fat

When I walk out to get my mail
It measures on the Richter scale
Down at the beach I'm a lucky man
I'm the only one who gets a tan
If I have one more pie a la mode   
I'm gonna need my own zip code
When you're only having seconds   
I'm having twenty-thirds   
When I go to get my shoes shined   
I gotta take their word   

Because I'm fat, I'm fat, sha mone
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And my shadow weighs forty-two pounds
Lemme tell you once again who's fat   

If you see me comin' your way   
Better give me plenty space
If I tell you that I'm hungry   
Then won't you feed my face   
Because I'm fat, I'm fat, come on           
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)

Woo woo woo, when I sit around the house
I really sit around the house
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know, you know, you know, come on
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And you know all by myself I'm a crowd
Lemme tell you once again
You know I'm huge, I'm fat, you know it
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, you know, ho   
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
You know I'm fat, I'm fat, you know it, you know
(Fat, fat, really really fat)
And the whole world knows I'm fat and I'm proud
Just tell me once again who's fat


 
Trump - sonofsaf


My skin is flab, and you’re a drab       
Chinese buffet, lo main and crab
Show me the food, better lead the way
Cuz I’m the pig, of the U.S.A.

Spam on, spam on, oink all the way, okay

Kentucky’s fried, it’s K.F.C.
McTrumpy called, for Mickey D.
A drive thru lunch, when I go out
Keep outta my way, or I’ll tweet and pout 

Well I never get on the scale
Cuz the number would be fake
Don’t matter if it’s Diet Coke
Put ketchup on my steak
               
Because I’m Trump, I’m Trump, fuck you
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)               
Because I’m Trump, I’m Trump, you suck it
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)           
You know I’m Trump, I’m Trump, fuck you you suck
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)           
Don’tcha call me a dick, an ass, or cunt       
Just tell me now once again who’s Trump

You shop for me, don’t buy me kale
And carrots are, a smoothie fail
Down on K-Street, they feed me shit
I’m the biggest butt, and not so fit
When I post my food, on inst-a-gram
All mint jelly, no rack of lamb
When I need a new distraction
The press thinks I’m a chump
Avoid my yearly physical
I gotta take a dump

Because I’m Trump, I’m Trump, (con man)
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know I’m Trump, I’m Trump,
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know I’m Trump, fuck you, you suck it
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
And my shadow weighs two forty three
Lemme tell you once again who’s Trump   

If you see me comings atcha
On a basis case by case
If I tell you that I’m thirsty   
Please cum upon my face   
Because I'm Trump, I'm Trump, fuck you           
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know I'm Trump, I'm Trump, you suck it
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know I'm Trump, I'm Trump, you suck it, fuck you
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)

Chew, Chew, Chew, when I shit around White House
I really shit around White House
You know I’m Trump, I’m Trump, fuck you
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know I’m Trump, I’m Trump, you suck it, you suck it
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You blow, you blow, you blow, fuck you
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
And you know all by myself I’m a chump
Lemme tell you once again
You know I’m orange, I’m Trump, you suck it
(Trump, Trump, truly truly fat)
You know I’m Trump, fuck you, HO   
(Trump, Trump, truly truly Trump)
You know, I’m Trump, I’m Trump, you suck it, fuck you
(Trump, Trump, truly, truly Trump)
And the whole world knows that Trump is a cunt
Just tell me once again who’s Trump


Encore #1: Hey Nineteen - Steely Dan

Way back when in '67           
I was the dandy of Gamma Chi       
Sweet things from Boston
So young and willing
Moved down to Scarsdale
Where the hell am I?

Hey, nineteen
No, we can't dance together (We can't dance together)
No, we can't talk at all
Please take me along when you slide on down

Hey, nineteen
That's 'Retha Franklin
She don't remember the Queen of Soul
It's hard times befallen
The sole survivors
She thinks I'm crazy
But I'm just growin' old

Hey, nineteen
No, we got nothin' common
No, we can't dance together
No, we can't talk at all
Please take me along when you slide on down

Nice
Sure looks good
Mmm mmm mmm
Skate a little lower now

The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing (say it again)

The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing

The Cuervo Gold
The fine Colombian
Make tonight a wonderful thing

No, we can't dance together
No, we can't talk at all



Hey Vaccine - sonofsaf

(Trump and Biden sing together)


Plague from hell... or maybe heaven

There was a virus in central China

Bad (Bat) shit from Wuhan
So sick and scary

Inside wet market

What the fuck is this?

Hey Vaccine!
Yeah, you can’t eat together (you can’t eat together)

Yeah, you must wash your hands

And please stay away when you go outside

Hey Vaccine!

That’s Donnie Douchebag
He don’t remember (that) he's an asshole

His skin leaves me crawlin’
Cruel conniver
 We think he’s lazy
But he’s just orange and old (bald)

Hey Vaccine!

Yeah, you be Putin a mask on (you can’t eat together)
Yeah, you must wash your hands
Yeah, who will take the fall?
And please stay away when you go outside



Mean!
Sure looks bad

No no no
Tweet a little slower now

Remdesivir
Hydroxychloroquine

Vaccinate inside the skin (inside of the skin)

Remdesivir

Hydroxychloroquine
Vaccinate inside of the skin

Remdesivir
Hydroxychloroquine

Vaccinate inside of the skin

Yeah, you can’t eat together

Yeah, you must wash your hands


Encore #2: My Sharona - The Knack

Ooh, my little pretty one, pretty one
When you gonna give me some (time, Sharona?)
Ooh, you make my motor run, my motor run
Gun it coming off of the (line Sharona)
Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind
My, my, my, ay, ay, woah!
M-m-m-my Sharona
My Sharona

Come a little closer, huh, ah, will ya, huh
Close enough to look in my eyes, Sharona
Keeping it a mystery gets to me
Running down the length of my thighs, Sharona
Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind
My, my, my, ay, ay, woh!
M-m-m-my Sharona
M-m-m-my Sharona
Na, na, na, na, na-na
My Sharona

When you gonna get to me, get to me
It is just a matter of (time Sharona)
Is it d-d-destiny, d-destiny?
Or is it just a game in my (mind, Sharona?)
Never gonna stop, give it up, such a dirty mind
Always get it up for the touch of the younger kind
My, my, my, ay, ay, woah!
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, ay, ay, woah!

M-m-m-my Sharona (Sharona)
M-m-m-my Sharona (Sharona)
M-m-m-my Sharona (Sharona)
M-m-m-my Sharona
Oooaah, my Sharona
Oooaah, my Sharona
 

Oooaah, my Sharona, Woah!!


My Corona - sonofsaf

(Trump and Biden sing together)

Ooh, this gonna be no fun, be no fun
When the time has come for you to (die, Corona)
Ooh, we gonna bury you, bury you
Garnish with a wedge of that (lime, Corona)
Never gonna sip, drink it up, when it’s party time
Always hack it up, with a cough and the spit 'n shine
My, my, my, ay, ay, woah!
M-m-m-my Corona
My Corona

Don’t be such a poser, huh, ah, will ya, huh
Stick a bottle up your ass and (try, Corona)
Looking at our history, can't you see
Running through the depths of my (mind, Corona)
Never gonna sip, drink it up, when it’s party time
Always hack it up, with a cough and the spit 'n shine
My, my, my, ay, ay, woah!
M-m-m-my Corona
M-m-m-my Corona
Na, na, na, na, na-na
My Corona

Where’s that testing kit for me, kit for me
Is it on the government (dime, Corona)
Is it f-f-fucking free, f-fucking free?
We’ll just have to wait and see (time, Corona)
Never gonna sip, drink it up, when it’s party time
Always hack it up, with a cough and the spit 'n shine
My, my, my, ay, ay, woah!
M-m-m-m-m-m-m-my, my, my, ay, ay, woah!

M-m-m-my Corona (Corona)
M-m-m-my Corona (Corona)
M-m-m-my Corona (Corona)
M-m-m-my Corona
Oooaah, my Corona
Oooaah, my Corona
Oooaah, my Corona, Woah!!



Trump and Biden embrace and take a bow.
Bigfoot throws his wig into the audience.

Preferred outro music as people exit the venue:
Van Halen - “Jump”
The Presidents of the United States of America - “Lump”