#2234. 5K

Oh the music and speakers of the 5K.  Blaring endlessly and incessantly as a concussed Kenny Pickett fan hollers "Yinz got this!" 

Because...

 

Which song's your favorite.  Europe's Final Countdown?  Survivor's Eye Of The Tiger?  Michael Jackson's Beat It?  Having run about a hundred 5K's, I've grown to despise them all.  Now I just walk 'em.  Reverse bandit style.

A great way to cement your legendary status as a musician... is to conceive of a "5K song."  Feel free to steal my parody of the familiar tune "Birthday" by the Beatles.

In other news, the Pittsburgh Marathon's famed Boulevard of the Allies has turned into the Axis of Dogshit.  

 

I spoke with the guy who works the neighboring parking lot and he claims that "all of the shit comes from from the dog at Holc's Health & Fitness." 

So let's dedicated this parody to personal fitness trainer Dan Holc.  And to a lesser extent, his doggie.

 

5K
sonofsaf

You’re runnin’ a 5K
No lie fuckin’ true, yeah
You’re run-in’ a 5K
You’re gonna make some good time
Fuck yeah it’s a 5K
That 5K will fuck you

Ah
Ah
Ah
Run on
Run on

Yeah it’s gonna be a mother fucker
Yeah it’s gonna be a mother fucker Yeah it’s gonna be a mother fucker

Please do not shit your pants (5K)
Not a sign of romance (5K)
Please do not shit your pants (5K)
Fuck yeah

Oh
Run on

Please do not shit your pants (5K)
Not a sign of romance (5K)
Please do not shit your pants (5K)
Fuck yeah!  Fuck

You’re runnin’ a 5K
The big lie’s fuckin’ true, yeah
You’re runnin’ a 5K
You’re gonna make some good time
Fuck yeah it’s a 5K
That 5k will fuck you

 

Birthday
The Beatles

They say it's your birthday
It's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

Ah
Ah
Ah
Come on
Come on

Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party
Yes we're going to a party party

I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Dance yeah

Oh
Come on

I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Take a cha-cha-cha-chance (Birthday)
I would like you to dance (Birthday)
Oh dance! Dance

They say it's your birthday
Well it's my birthday too, yeah
They say it's your birthday
We're gonna have a good time
I'm glad it's your birthday
Happy birthday to you

 

My 4th parody of Birthday.

#313.  Earth Day

#1085.  Sergei

#1737.  Conway

#2234.  5K

From 1990 to the present, Paul McCartney has rocked the Burgh a grand total of 6 times.

Paul McCartney:

2-12-90, Riverfront Coliseum, Cincinnati, OH

4–29-02, Gund Arena, Cleveland, OH

8-18-10, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

7-7-14, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA

I decided to include this song in the Big Lie 100.  Largely because the notion of the Orange Prolapse actually running a 5K... is asinine at best, preposterous at worst.

The Big Lie 100: (#1373)

#2216.  For Trump (Her Strut --- Bob Seger)

#2217.  Mark Green (Green Beans --- Animal Collective)

#2218.  Song For The Trumped (Song For The Dumped --- Ben Folds Five)

#2219.  Trumped (Chumped --- Joyce Manor)

#2220.  Lahmeyer (Desire --- U2)

#2221.  Trumper (Kiss --- Strutter)

#2222.  Prolapse Stain: Forty-Five (Morning Train: Nine To Five --- Sheena Easton)

#2223.  Strong (Wrong --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#2224.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Alice Cooper)

#2225.  Perry's Pissed (Cherry Twist --- Crystal Method)

#2226.  Go Musk Yourself (Go Fuck Yourself --- Two Feet)

#2227.  Perry (Cherry - U.F.O.)

#2228.  Strong Is A Clown (Wrong Side Of Town)

#2229.  Trumpy Little Bitch And Cunt (Crazy Little Thing Called Love --- Queen)

#2230.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Testament)

#2231.  Christian Ziegler (Sister Christian --- Night Ranger)

#2232.  Forty-Five (9 to 5 --- Dolly Parton)

#2233.  Tesla Sucks (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#2234.  5K (Birthday --- Paul McCartney)

Please do not share this material with Dan Holc and/or former President Donald J. Trump.