#2276. Colorado

A couple days ago, the Colorado State Supreme Court removed Donald Trump from their 2024 primary ballot.

Section 3 of the 14th Amendment was written to keep former confederates from returning to government office.  It reads:

“No person shall be a Senator or Representative in Congress, or elector of President and Vice-President, or hold any office, civil or military, under the United States, or under any State, who, having previously taken an oath, as a member of Congress, or as an officer of the United States, or as a member of any State legislature, or as an executive or judicial officer of any State, to support the Constitution of the United States, shall have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same, or given aid or comfort to the enemies thereof. But Congress may by a vote of two-thirds of each House, remove such disability.”

The founding fathers were certainly a visionary group of white guys.  But I can't fathom that any of them would be able to anticipate an Orange Prolapse seeking high office.  Seriously, when was the last time a chunk of exposed colon wanted to be the leader of the free world?

Trump is obviously pissed off.

The Supreme Court has unanimously rejected Deranged Jack Smith’s “SUPER SPEEDY” lawsuit against me. This sick puppies team of Lowlifes and Radical Left Thugs could have brought this “case” 3 years ago, and it would be long over by now. No, they waited until right in the middle of my very successful campaign for President. If I were polling poorly, like everyone else against me is (including Crooked Joe Biden!), or, for some reason, I decided not to run, they never would have even brought this ridiculous and disgraceful lawsuit. It is Election Interference like never before seen in our Country. In a certain way, it is real “insurrection,” especially when adding the millions of people, from places unknown, that the worst President in the history of the United States is allowing to pour into our Country, totally unchecked and unvetted. This insane Open Border’s decision will prove to be a mistake for the ages, but I will fix it. MAGA!!!

I have a practical solution for Donald Trump.  Just legally change your last name from Trump... to Dump.  As you can see, not only is it a spot-on rebrand, but he could make the following argument:

The Colorado ruling applies only to a person named "Donald J. Trump."  My official name is Donald J. Dump.  Hence, I cannot be legally disqualified from their state ballot.

 

Colorado
sonofsaf

Colorado, you are so libtard demented
Those judges on benches holier than though
Oh, Trump’s a fat cunt
Rudy’s dildo store Four Seasons
Jared Kushner’s a slim Jew
Kosher sacred cow

Fuckin’ take sit with an anal toy
Stormy’s porn is on the cable
As the Orange Prolapse farts on Stormy Daniels’ chest
Now the enemy’s a fat king
Democracy he’d disable
And his daughter wife’s a cunt she ain’t BeBest

Colorado, how many hippies in Boulder
Biden’s getting older, the White House his home
Let’s feed him, oh feed him well, McDonald’s mother fuckin’
Diet Coke he’s suckin’ mushroom dick and tiny bone

Those assets get sold ‘cause it’s all a crime
Donald don’t know that he’s outta line
Retard from the far right just might be gay
Trump’s choosin’ many jobs to blow
Like a Vito on the Sopranos display

Colorado, you are so libtard demented
Those judges on benches, investigate
Orange Prolapse stainin,’ and the Trump train’s gonna fuck you
The Trumpin’ and dumpin’s upon you
(Dumpin’ is upon you)
The Trumpin’ and dumpin’s upon you, make Stormy’s country great

 

Desperado
The Eagles

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out ridin' fences for so long now
Oh, you're a hard one
I know that you got your reasons
These things that are pleasin' you
Can hurt you somehow

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy
She'll beat you if she's able
You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet
Now it seems to me, some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get

Desperado, oh, you ain't gettin' no younger
Your pain and your hunger, they're drivin' you home
And freedom, oh freedom well, that's just some people talkin'
Your prison is walking through this world all alone

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine
It's hard to tell the night time from the day
You're losin' all your highs and lows
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate
It may be rainin', but there's a rainbow above you
You better let somebody love you
(Let somebody love you)
You better let somebody love you before it's too late  

 

My second parody of "Desperado."  A couple years ago, I penned #493.  Joe Lombardo (regarding the current Republican Governor of Nevada)

Since back in 1974, The Eagles have frequented the Burgh a grand total of 16 times. 

Eagles:

8-15-94, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA

 

The Big Lie 100: (#1412)

#2216.  For Trump (Her Strut --- Bob Seger)

#2217.  Mark Green (Green Beans --- Animal Collective)

#2218.  Song For The Trumped (Song For The Dumped --- Ben Folds Five)

#2219.  Trumped (Chumped --- Joyce Manor)

#2220.  Lahmeyer (Desire --- U2)

#2221.  Trumper (Kiss --- Strutter)

#2222.  Prolapse Stain: Forty-Five (Morning Train: Nine To Five --- Sheena Easton)

#2223.  Strong (Wrong --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#2224.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Alice Cooper)

#2225.  Perry's Pissed (Cherry Twist --- Crystal Method)

#2226.  Go Musk Yourself (Go Fuck Yourself --- Two Feet)

#2227.  Perry (Cherry - U.F.O.)

#2228.  Strong Is A Clown (Wrong Side Of Town)

#2229.  Trumpy Little Bitch And Cunt (Crazy Little Thing Called Love --- Queen)

#2230.  Gilberry (Hail Mary --- Testament)

#2231.  Christian Ziegler (Sister Christian --- Night Ranger)

#2232.  Forty-Five (9 to 5 --- Dolly Parton)

#2233.  Tesla Sucks (Thunderstruck --- AC/DC)

#2234.  5K (Birthday --- Paul McCartney)

#2235.  Florida State Got Fuckin' Screwed (Overweight But Over You)

#2236.  Kennedy (Ecstasy --- PJ Harvey)

#2237.  Mr. Kevin Cramer (Mr. Entertainer --- Men At Work)

#2238.  Kennedy (Faithfully --- Journey)

#2239.  Strong (Wrong --- Waylon Jennings)

#2240.  DeNiro (My Hero --- Foo Fighters)

#2241.  Swift (Rift --- Phish)

#2242.  Tay Tay Tay (Say Say Say --- Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney)

#2243.  Travis (Krampus --- Houndmouth)

#2244.  Strong's Gay (Wrong Way --- Creed)

#2245.  Hostetter (Shoplifter --- Green Day)

#2246.  Donald Trump Is An Orange Clown (London Bridge Is Falling Down --- Cocomelon)

#2247.  Donald Trump Is A Retard (Twinkle Twinkle Little Star --- Olivia Newton-John)

#2248.  Bland Is A Cunt (Band On The Run --- Paul McCartney)

#2249.  Kennedy (Destiny --- Journey)

#2250.  Dictator (Heartbreaker --- Pat Benatar)

#2251.  Kenneth Paxton (Love Boat Captain)

#2252.  The Digital Mugshot Edition (To Defy The Laws Of Tradition --- Primus)

#2253.  Trump Tower (Sunflower --- Neil Diamond)

#2254.  Kid Rock Will Dine (I Walk The Line --- Johnny Cash)

#2255.  Playin' The Browns (Send In The Clowns --- Barbara Streisand)

#2256.  Foxmania (Albania --- Nicholas Colasanto / Cheers Episode)

#2257.  Guy Reschenthaler (Dollar For Dollar --- They Might Be Giants)

#2258.  Reschenthaler (Dollar, Dollar --- PJ Harvey)

#2259.  Kid's Cock (We Rock --- Dio)

#2260.  Reschenthaler (Greenback Dollar --- Woody Guthrie)

#2261.  It's Hunter's Laptop From Hell (I Think I'm Going To Hell --- My Morning Jacket)

#2262.  Laptop Hell (Silver Bells --- Dean Martin)

#2263.  Good!  (Would? --- Alice In Chains)

#2264.  The Tower Of Trump (The Power Of Love --- Huey Lewis & The News)

#2265.  Good Times (Good Times --- Jim Gilstrap, Blinky Williams and a gospel choir)

#2266.  Laptop From Hell (Highway To Hell --- AC/DC)

#2267.  Colby Covington (You Are Number One --- The Whispers)

#2268.  If Bob Good (If I Could --- Phish)

#2269.  Moreno (Tornado --- Garbage)

#2270.  Cum Coney Barrett (Come Holy Spirit --- Planetshakers)

#2271.  Coney Barrett Cum (Holy Spirit Come --- Hillsong UNITED)

#2272.  Coney Barrett Cum (Holy Spirit Come --- Rita Springer)

#2273.  Coney Barrett (Holy Spirit --- Travis Cottrell)

#2274.  Coney Barrett (Holy Spirit --- Neville Brothers)

#2275.  Kushner's Wife Is A Fucking Jew (All I Want For Christmas Is You --- Mariah Carey)

#2276.  Colorado (Desperado --- The Eagles)

Please do not share this material with the Colorado State Supreme Court and/or former President Donald J. Trump.