Monday, October 31, 2005
Burger King drive-thru
Has anyone ventured into the Burger King drive-thru on Wheeling Island? As if Burger King wasn't already a poor choice. There are multiple entrances yet it's very tricky to navigate. One of the entrances is a back alley underneath an I-70 overpass. If you can manage to avoid the passed out bum and his bottle of grape Mad Dog, that's one option. The other way in is through the 2 separate parking lots. Just be careful to avoid the multiple cement car stop things. If you make it to the mechanical take-your-order gismo, that's half the battle. Then you've got to scream your order over the roar of the 18 wheelers directly above your head on I-70. Alright, you've managed to order that disgusting new breakfast sandwich which consists of 2 eggs, a slab of ham, 12 strips of bacon, 2 sausage patties and multiple slices of the orangest American cheese you've ever seen. By the way, isn't that child abuse? Selling that crap within 1000 ft. of an elementary school. Alright, you make it to the window, and lo and behold, the B.K. worker is that weird transvestite man-king from the commercials. Feasibly, that could be another violation - transsexual man-king mascot within a 1000 ft. of a school. Perhaps some Wheeling Island regicide is in order. Alright, you've got your breakfast sandwich and now you're leaving the lot. Danger awaits. One of the tightest turns in all of West Virginia is approaching. This shit is like a Formula One track and I'm Michael Jewmacher. If you drive anything larger than a Miata, you're fucked. The entire curb is covered with scrapes, but fortunately, they've put up these plastic/rubberized poles to help you make your way through. I'm not exactly sure what the poles are there for. Perhaps sodomization. I do not know.