2 for 1 apps.

Alright, it's like I never left.
Seeing that we go to the Alpha about 5 nights a week, I thought it might be reassuring to explore 2 for 1 appetizer night. Actually, Smithers ran out of ideas, so this special runs on concurrent nights (Wed. and Thurs.). It certainly beats hot dog night though. Here's a suggestion. Leave hot dog night to the Wakim's. Let them savor their luke warm chili dogs while commiserating over the Mollahan victory.
Back to the Alpha. Many people blame the oil companies for the high price of gasoline. Allow me to clarify. Exxon Mobil, British Petroleum and my personal favorite, Chevron Texaco do NOT control the price of gasoline. Here are the main contributing factors -

1) the price of crude
2) increased demand from China and India
3) refinery capacity
4) speculation in the futures market
5) to a minor extent - political instabilty in the Middle East
6) and most important, the purchase of Greek wings at the Alpha

Why is it necessary to lay 3 cups of oil on a dinner plate when they serve up their Greek wings? What kind of foundation is this? Why does the amount of oil the Alpha "exports" make Willie Nelson cringe? Why? I've never seen so much oil used since a bad episode of 7 Lives Exposed. I've got other wing related issues, as well. The bourbon wings are ok but the sauce gets a little redundant after the second or third wing. Much to the dismay of Danno and Uncle Ben, Old Bay is not an option. It's not even listed on the menu. It's basically akin to taking a heaping tablespoon of garlic powder and dusting a plate of wings and then proclaiming, "Allah Akbar, Garlic Wings, ye infidel!"
Next up is that Bruschetta thing. Here comes a prodigous half loaf of french bread (which takes up the entire table) served on a wooden slab. That wooden slab thing can also be used to spank Paigey. If anyone wants to steal me one of these wooden boards, I'd be forever grateful and I will use it to administer repeated "Paigey spankings." The bruschetta itself, I don't particularly care for.
Onto calamari - I'm not quite sure the city of Wheeling is ready for calamari. I know for a fact that the surrounding county is definitely not ready. One girl tried to order it, but incorrectly pronounced it "calamity." I think that pretty much sums it up.
The stuffed mushroom caps are tasty, but once again, prepare to embark on another quest for oil. Why stage a coup d'etat on the oil-rich government of Equatorial Guinea when a lifetime supply of oil is conveniently located in Woodsdale?
How about the spinach-artichoke dip? This stuff is tasty but I think the main ingredient is mayonnaise, certainly not spinach. If you are a devout Southern Baptist seeking a cholestoral laden weight gain adventure, this is the dish for you!
OK. What about that giant marinated portabella mushroom with feta and red peppers? This is my second favorite. My overall favorite are the citrus, and to a lesser extent, the tortilla shrimp. This is the right decision. 2 shrimp apps for the price of one might defy conventional wisdom, but rest assured, this is the best option.
I forgot - what about the cheese fries? I'm done with french fries. You know who cured me of that addiction. How about a baked potato instead. Right on, sister. And an advance happy birthday wish. I'm pretty sure you finally turned 26.
See, it's like I never left.