new t-shirt

I've been burning the midnight oil! That's right, the creative juices have been flowing. And here is the unfortunate byproduct of "Saf's juices."
Time to unveil the prototype info for this years new Top 10 T-shirt. Actually, it's going to be the first ever Top 20. I've still got some finishing touches but here we go...

TOP 20
ILLEGAL BEVERAGES
IN WHEELING, WV

Sex on the Beech Bottom
Less filling.  Tastes like ass.  Finish off with a dash of cum.

Martini Ferry
Dry? - just add soot.  Sweet? - just add piss.
For a traditional Martini Ferry - just add shit.

Moondogshine
I finally found the ride of a lifetime...

Funky Cold Adena
I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer Wiener
You must be sure that your girl is pure for the Funky Cold Adena

Wheeling Island Iced Tea
Equal parts crackhead, drunk, hooker and elderly degenerate gambler.
Splash of cat urine for added color.
 
Bombay Safire Gin & Tonic
Who the fuck made this shirt?  Stick a lime up his ass!

Route 7 & 7
From the purgatory of Powhatan to the bowels of Brilliant.

Hare of the Dog
A Krishna Klassic. 
1 part patchouli, 1 part crickwater and 4 parts stank. 
Garnish w/ a doobie.

Rusty Nailer
This drink sucks.  It ain't even minor league.  It's bush league.

Elm Grove Dodge Car Bomb
Ka-Boom! It blows up the second you leave the lot.

19th Ho-Jito
All the sugar in Cuba won't sweeten up that Ho

I-470 Bypass
Do not stop in Wheeling.  Do not pass go.  Go directly to HELL.

Mint Jewitt
The melting pot of Ohio. Celebrate religious diversity.

Rum and Coke Plant
This drink is longer in existence. It has been officially shut down.

Proctor Colada
Drink it the night before your colonoscopy. Mmmm. Enjoy!

East Wheeling Unabomber
Hit dat crack, hold yo head back and slam dat Cisco!

Little Washington Apple
just ask Kara...

Bell-Dirty Martini
Use the only cheapest Vodka from Rite-Aid.
Garnish with a generous chunk of olive loaf.

The Oglebay Countdown
Only the rich folk - 3... 2... Kettle 1 (Not for residents of Oglebay Village Apts.)

If you have any ideas, feel free to comment. It's still a work in progress. There's a few I'm not too happy with. I want to touch on the "churchie/prayer" angle - perhaps a drink called the Chrisagis Brothers, B.E. Taylor or something of that ilk. Maybe the Festival of Lights or the Ogden 20K. How about McCulloch's Leap? I'm very open to prudent, albeit crude observations.
I honestly think this one could be better than the Wheeling Sex Moves shirt. Well maybe not that good, but it has potential.