Friday, July 16, 2010

mission statement...

And here is the mission statement designed to forever change the face of democracy as we know it . It is far more than a mission statement though. It is a CHALLENGE to anyone concerned with the future of hyper-capitalist style democracy in the United States of America.

For every hundred thousand dollars raised and spent by a serious political candidate with reasonable aspirations of attaining the presidency, I will bring them to their knees for 1/100,000 of the cost. I actually tried something along these lines during the 2008 campaign. Does anyone remember the "DINOSAURS ARE 4,000 YEARS OLD" sign? I tried to get exposure for that sign at some of the McCain rallies. And I had one for Sarah as well, "SARAH, ARE DINOSAURS REALLY 4,000 YEARS OLD? YOU BETCHA!"

Wouldn't it be cool to map out your expenses beforehand? Think in terms of gasoline, fast food lunch, cardboard sign and marker. Hypothetically, let's say a senate candidate spends 4.2 million. Your objective would be to devise a plan to mock and ridicule his candidacy for $42. After the successful completion of "operation deathblow," you'll do an interview for a major media organization. During that interview, you'd offer up evidence of the entire plan - most likely from a personal blog or internet site specifically designed to irreparably destroy high profile campaigns. What's even more cool - once average citizens have seen that this works, more and more will move in for the kill. It becomes a lot like a contest with an endless amount of options. The reward - aside from the sudden fame, the average joe will be able to influence the future political landscape of our country.

I'll tell you this - it would certainly comply with the universal laws of balance. There has to be some blowback for people like Mayor Bloomberg in New York City. You can't just sink a billion dollars into your campaign and expect the political machinery to work flawlessly. Obviously, it's his perogative to spend as much as he sees fit, but that should open you up to more random attacks. I often think of Richard Allen (the former Republican Senator from Virginia). This guy had credible presidential aspirations until he got busted with the "Makaka" moment. Of course this was of his own doing, but it never would have happened if that Indian college kid/political operative wasn't on hand at a rally.

I will set out to destroy everyone's favorite sweetheart from Wasilla, Alaska. Rest assured, she is going to raise a shitload of money in the upcoming cycle. Her Sarahpac (don't you just love that name) will be one of the first political action committees to garner fund raising under the far less restrictive laws recently laid down by the Supreme Court. Current laws regarding corporate political fund raising have been rolled back faster than a tickle-me Elmo doll at Walmart. And I'll even up the ante and outline a plan to spend 1/1,000,000, not 1/100,000. Has a nice ring to it. Here are some figures. Of course, this is the presidency here. My 1/100,000 ratio seems better suited for U.S. Senate and governor candidates.

2008 Candidates
(millions of dollars)

All Candidates 1686.4

Democrats 1079.5
Obama (D) 747.8
Republicans 606.9
McCain (R) 351.6
Clinton (D) 227.9
Romney (R) 105.3

Regardless of whether you agree with the Palin agenda, she's going to raise a shitload of cash. She has cornered the right wing political market on love and inspiration. That Palin is a real go-getter. Mitt Romney has most of the robotic support from corporate machinery and now he has these fucked up "Mormons are just like you and me" commercials already airing in swing states. You could wreak havoc with a sign that said, "I'M A MORMON and GOD DAMN PROUD OF IT." Think of the damage that would do when it's hoisted in the background. Romney's trying to deflect attention and soften the cult-like status of everything related to Joseph Smith. KA-POW! That's the sound of his campaign getting a vasectomy with a butter knife.

Back to Palin... throw in some book sales and lecture circuit appearances (she's very strong at the podium - just don't make it a Q & A). Plus, you have every God fearing douchebag pitching in individual donations. Corporate born-agains like Domino's Pizza (mmmm, yeah right - it's the worst of all the major chains and now they want you to take a photo of the pizza and i-phone in a pic - for the love of god, how about one with a locust nestled amongst a swath a rubbery mozz-o-mate). I digress.

The whole gist of this thing is to devise a model for destroying high profile candidates. Once people have verifiable evidence that it was not a mere accident, but a rather a targeted effort with documented expense reports others will join the fun. The ultimate goal being to devise the absolute, most cost effective effort. Perhaps a fringe element within the DNC or RNC could offer compensation to the person who does the best job.

Wasn't it the original intent of the founding fathers to make sure that political careers were not exclusive to the uber wealthy? I vaguely remember one of them yapping about how a person whose occupation was "candle stick maker" could rise to the level of governorship. Today, that's not too likely unless you're the owner of those overpriced scented candles they sell in the lobby of Cracker Barrel. I think they're called Yankee candles.

All these tea-baggers are pissed off about inadequate representation and how Congress is so out-of-touch with regular Americans. Well, rather than just bitching up a storm, how about game-planning true dissent where real ramifications are felt. Seriously, if this whole thing were to work just a few times, it would probably reshape the general concepts of political fund-raising in our modern democratic system. For the better though? I think so. Sarah, I'm looking directly at you. See you in my favorite swing states. And Mitt, prepare to face the "Mormonic consequences." Just like youtube sensation Jessica Slaughter's dad, "Consequences will NEVER be the same!"

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I was pondering my idea while in the shower. This really needs to be in the form of a website. This way you could post all the relevant information. Governors and senators from all 50 states, both Republican and Democrat. And Independent I suppose as well. You'd list their total campaign expenses from the previous election cycle. Then, based on your "ratio effectiveness" you could better gauge your talent.
Each political office holder would have an area where you could upload damaging video, photos, private telephone conversations, accidental racist remark, etc. If you strictly adhere to a non-partisan format, the credibility goes way up.