Wednesday, April 13, 2011

rare advice

I offer plenty of commentary but little in the way of advice. Long ago I would discuss consumerism and offer some specific high-end retail selections. Mostly food product oriented. But that's about it.

This might change your life.

Get the lunch special - House Lo-Mein from Golden Chopsticks. Make sure to ask for a complimentary container of hot pepper oil. This is key. On your way home, stop by Jebbia's and buy some celery. Return home. Light the burner and lay down some kind of convex skillet oriented shit. Then, julienne the fuck out of the celery. Wait 5 minutes. Throw in the mysterious batch of Wheeling Island oil. Now hit it with the celery. Wait another 5 minutes while reenacting an old-school "Shake'n'Bake" commercial celebration with the aforementioned celery tossing. Now is the time to embrace the God of Food. Fuck it, there's a god for everything... why not a god for all-encompassing foodstuffs. Now is the time! Throw in all the Lo-Mein. Another 5 minutes of the Chaka Khan-pan shakedown.

Harvest the bounty. Or, if you've ever seen a special Wheeling facebook character. Now I be eatin. It is gonna be realy ood.


Anonymous said...

Sounds awesome. I love their Lo-Mein.
Nice to see tips offered.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

I be singin cuz im bored.

Anonymous said...

I luv selry it is goo.

Anonymous said...

Sorry...I could not resist!