Well, there has been an intreeging turn of events. I spoke with Fuckface's grounds crew and they said they'd cut a path through my driveway and throw everything up on the hillside for $250. I was relatively pleased with this arrangement. Then, 20 minutes later they rang my door bell and said it would be an additional $350 to handle the debris and remainder of the trees on said property of Fuckface. They said it would have enraged him if they left the remaining trees and branches on his hillside. From their perspective, that does make a lot of sense. And while I could care less if my neighbor loathes, detests, despises and has great animosity for me... I wouldn't want to drive a wedge between his grounds crew and him. They get plenty of business from the subhuman.
So I was a little distressed. I decided to get a second opinion and revisit the cemetery. I had earlier met with the claims/risk manager for the company which represents the cemetery. Although very pleasant, he dismissed my concerns in an email claiming it was "an act of God." Now whether I believe in invisible overseers or not... that's largely irrelevant when it comes to a massive tree stump. Even though Jesus is supposed to appear on May 22, 2011 with this end of the world thing on the way, I doubt he'll have time to grind up Stumpy.
So I went back to the cemetery and this time spoke with the manager. We drove up and I showed him the carnage. He was incredibly receptive and seemed very interested in assisting. I think my demeanor may have played a role. I was very honest and forthright. I told him I didn't want to play semantics and deal with potential surveyors, let alone insurance carriers. I just told him it was a close call with 2 out of the 4 trees. He said he'd look into it and get back to me later this afternoon. He proclaimed, "If they were our trees, we'll take car of it." He sounded very reassuring, but I was still anxious and generally pessimistic.
Well, I got back from lunch and parked at the bottom of the hill. As I walked up the hill in the rain, I see a sedan sitting in the spot at the base of my driveway. I'm afraid to park underneath this tree that's hanging there. Honestly, it could go at anytime. Anyway, there these 2 guys standing in the rain. "Are you the one who owns the brown house?" Yep. "We're waiting on the boss. Looks like we'll be removing everything."
I'm blown away. "You mean the cemetery is going to take care of everything?" Yep.
Sure enough, the boss stopped up and we all hung out in the overhang of Fuckface's garage and chatted for a bit. They said they'll take care of everything tomorrow. Talk about ecstasy. I'm still a tiny bit guarded. I'll believe it when I see it, but at least for now, it would appear that I have been the recipient of a miracle.
It's odd how God works. First he unleashes agonizing wrath and venom in the form of a microburst. Then, his Catholic insurance rep, although very pleasant, dismisses my claim. Fuckface's maintenance crew gives me a reasonable offer but then has to tack on the cost of clearing "the yard of the enemy." So I go back to the cemetery people and get a much more rewarding response. So we'll see how it all transpires. I'd be shocked if things take a turn for the worse.
At least for now, it would appear as though the "Catholic" God is the correct choice. He seeks for you to undergo trials and tribulations with these natural disasters. I've always wondered which particular God is the right choice, as if inferior humans would have the ability to determine which one's correct. I suppose that's why the choice is usually made for you in advance via your parents and their parents and their parents and so on.
I refuse to pick and choose any of the god(s), but if I must, I'll trend toward a hybrid God - 50% of whatever the Chrisagii tell me to worship and the other 50% - straight Catholic. Sounds like this could work. I'll be sorry to see the trees go. As disruptive as they were, I'm sure it was a considerable source of anguish for Fuckface. Ohhh the pain he must have endured. Kind of reminds of the movie "The Passion of the Christ." I watched some of that movie - kind of exhausting. Fuckface's pain and agony, although purely mental, must be comparable to the physical suffering endured by Christ. And what's truly amusing... half of this analogy is for real.