Friday, March 22, 2013

billboarded in the butthole


I just saw this on facebook.


It made me think.  This story of betrayal needs to play itself out, preferably over a 4-6 week period.  I would suggest that "Michael" respond with a billboard message of his own.  Possible accusatory themes could include infidelity, parental abuse or neglect, alcohol and drug addiction, etc.  Hell, maybe the Jessica mistress could even chime in.  The back and forth would unfold like an outdoor, "limited info" Maury Povich lie detector test.  Can you even fathom the level of interest, twisted amusement/sick joy of local drivers? 

If I owned a billboard company, say Lamar for instance... and the local economy was in horrible condition.  I mean vastly worse than it is now.  To the point where billboard advertising suffered a severe, marked decline.  Well, instead of placing a bunch of those "You Ad Here" signs...


... I would shift my entire focus from business to regular people.  You've got to figure there are always some wealthy people (with expendable cash and reckless judgement) who are pissed off at their mates.  The more flamboyant the personalities, the better.  Billboard advertising could be an exceptional strategy for a lover's quarrel, particularly gay, transgendered, interracial and ones with a wide age differential. 

You always see those "Look who just turned 50!" or "So proud of our dumbshit kid that graduated from Wheeling Park High School !!!"  On second thought, perhaps the latter is a spectacular, celebratory achievement.  Some of us had to go to summer school.  But I digress.

My point is that the PRECEDENT is already there.

In the Elm Grove section of Wheeling, we had that infamous "car wash controversy."  This guy named Vincent Camastro wanted to construct a 4-bay car wash on this scalene triangle plot of Lumber Avenue.  The city denied his request.  Immediately following, someone (allegedly "connected" with the city) constructed a car wash facility on the adjacent property. 

Keep in mind, this whole brew-ha-ha erupted back in 1994.  For the love of Christ, it continues to the present day.  That's almost 2 fucking decades in the town where time stands still.   Let me put this in perspective.  Back then, there was no Arnold Palmer golf course.  The dentist office on Washington Avenue was selling tequila shots for 2 cents.  My friend, Bill Beaver was working "down by the Riverside."  Suffice to say, "time passing" in Wheeling is a notion met with absolute defiance.

Anyhoo, Camastro erected a sign in the triangulated crossfire zone.  I found a couple pics on the internet. 




The second one is a tad blurry - here's the content...

"Dear President Obama,

I need your help. The city of Wheeling is corrupt. We have corrupt city officials, corrupt courts, corrupt judges. I have been retaliated against for trying to expose this corruption. Over the years our newspaper and television stations have betrayed us by not reporting the corruption. We are told only what they want us to hear. There are two sets of laws. One for us and one for them and their friends.
Backroom deals. Judges ignore the rule of law. Our Constitution and Justice mean nothing to them. They are traitors to our country.


Mr President, you cannot beat city hall when judges protect a corrupt city. I was stopped from presenting evidence to a grand jury against corrupt city officials and ordered by a judge, who stormed in during the proceedings, to shut up or I would be arrested.

My civil rights have been violated. My rights today, yours tomorrow. Where is the FBI, where is the Department of Justice? Our Governor, Senators, and Congressmen have ignored my plea for help. They are the biggest hypocrites. They are part of the problem of corruption.

I am fighting corruption alone and I am losing. I need your help. I can't believe this is happening to me in America."
  
All in all, I like the message.  He states his case with passion and precision.  Though it's difficult to read the whole thing when driving by.  Over the years, it has been defaced, vandalized and I think someone once tore it down.  So he threw up a few more billboards with the identical message.  I've seen them in downtown Wheeling, Center Wheeling and Elm Grove.  Hey... let's give this guy credit for "stirring up the shit-storm" in a town that's not only scared shitless, but also, generally devoid of substantive shit.  If I was at one of those city council meetings, I would stand up and deliver a stinging filibuster...  Wheeling, shame on you.  Your stool is looser than your moral conduct.  You have no fecality!  I repeat... zero fecal fortitude!  (I'd ramble on longer than Rand Paul and/or Robert Plant).

As the car wash conspiracy approaches its 20th anniversary, it might finally be time to let the whole thing subside.  An elderly bo-toxed man once said, you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, know when to run.


K-Rog knows what I'm talkin' about.

Personally, I prefer the renegade billboard approach.  Does anyone recall this local fiasco from the mid 90's?  Allegedly, a bitter female ex-lover spray painted "(name omitted) RAPED MY SON" 

I won't name names on this one.

And oh yeah... she wrote it on the wall of the vacant, old Krogers (in Wheeling, we add the "s") in Woodsdale late one Saturday night.  Sure enough, the entire population was collectively mortified as they walked to St. Mike's for church that Sunday morning.  And the guy's name was insanely recognizable.  Brilliantly evil.  As if the rape insinuations weren't bad enough.  How about we throw in an extra allegation of gay child molestation?  Catholic church hierarchy - eat your heart out!

Finally, my point to all of this... as the United States ultimately joins the list of "once mighty, great civilizations in the dust bowl of world history" you'll likely see more of these billboard scenarios play themselves out.  When people realize they cannot depend on the U.S. government, they'll likely seek help from local sources.  Family, friends, neighbors, churches, gangs, etc.  Anywhere they can find utility and "resilience."  The power vacuum will trend back to the states, cities and most important, local small town communities.

I've always thought this.  That when the U.S. collapses... the mayors, city councilpersons, sheriffs, and law enforcement in general, will begin to wield an awesome amount of power.  Think in terms of Bloomberg in NYC with his recent anti-big-gulp-pop and hidden cigarettes campaigns.  Think about Rahm Emanuel.  Wouldn't conventional wisdom tell you that being the #1 cabinet adviser to the POTUS is bigger than being mayor of Chicago?  Perhaps.  Perhaps not.  I think my sister-in-law Sandy is friends with Rahm Emanuel's brother - he's the Ari Gold character portrayed on HBO's entourage.  No kidding. 

A substantial marketing shift (from the corporate sector to the individual) in the billboard industry seems like a reasonable assumption.  I honestly believe you'll see more of this crap as people try to exert influence and harness control.  It's happening right now.  As of yet, it just hasn't reach that definitive, "boiling" point.  But we're definitely getting there.  And it's even consistent with the socioeconomic trash-movement fixation.

So this one's for my friend "Hostile Golfer."  A strong opener from the Vet.  I've said it before and I'll say it til I die, 1989 was the best year for the Dead.


4 comments:

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– Gig

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sonofsaf said...

Gig,

Believe it or not, I actually enjoy perusing the spam comments. Every once in a blue moon, you'll find one that offers a little "generic ingenuity." That's the trick I guess - making it appear as though you read the post while appearing authentic.

I think it would be a better tactical approach to DISAGREE with the blogger's opinion. 99% of spam is easily detected because it's all ingratiating drivel. If you were to explain to someone why they're full of shit, it would probably be a lot more effective in getting their attention.

Maybe I'll write a blog about enhanced low-end spam techniques.

See you in a bit.
Heart, Eric