10. THE CLINTON HILLS
Pretend you're Bill Clinton. When your wife strips down, loudly proclaim, "Wow, that's a big dick!"
9. THE TRIADELPHIA
Ahhh... you're growing up. From the youthfully innocent "Try da feel ya" to the present day hardcore "Tri-dirty"
8. THE WHEELING ISLAND
You must love anal because the Island is a real shithole.
7. THE DICARLOS
Offering the hottest phone sex in town. While whacking off, call down and they'll answer "DICK...arlos"
6. THE WHEELING DOWNS
When you finish and she goes to light up a cigarette, tell her, "No smoking, bitch. Only at the casino, Ho!"
5. THE MOON DOGGIE STYLE
Fuck her like Moondog. When you're done, just give her a blank stare. You don't need to talk to that bitch."
4. THE WHEELING NAIL-HER
You're a minor league superstar worshipped by 11-year old girls. So fuck 'em all. Pedophiles Unite!
3. THE PALACE OF GOLD
Meditate, eat some vegetarian slop and go Krishna Berzerker on that Hare pussy!
2. THE WHEELING TUNNEL
You're totally screwed. All the Viagra in the world can't repair your fucked up dick!
1. THE JAMBO
Fuck her in a port-a-jon at Jamboree in the Hills. Embrace the scent - It's known as the acrid stench of incest.
DISCLAIMER: If you're a Wheeling Bible Belter, I'm very sorry. You weren't supposed to see this.