Sunday, February 21, 2010

systemic disruptions featuring Doogie Howser

For the foreseeable future, this blog will cover my recent interest in systems disruptions. More than just kidnappings, extortion, suicide bombings, blah - I will attempt to create fresh and innovative ways to maximize their value. One thing concerning 9/11, those jihadists really got a lot of "bang for their buck." It cost them about $250,000. The immediate damage and economic fallout was a few hundred billion. The long term impact - justification of the wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and the continued remnants of the war on terror - probably about 2 trillion. That's the greatest conceivable rate of return in the history of human warfare. Nothing else even comes close regarding transaction costs. Fortunately, not all suicidal terrorists are that sophisticated and most don't have the mental/physical capabilities or financial backing. Hence, they're just equipped with a bomb and some will cover themselves with nails and rat poison in an attempt to extract maximum misery. How refreshing. Yet even these bozos could take additional steps. A greater impact as they make the "ride, ride, slippety slide" (Coolio) to martyrdom. Coolio = underrated. Didn't he win a grammy or get screwed out of one or something?

Hear me out on this. Let's offer up a typical low-level Islamic terrorist in Islamabad, Pakistan. This nutcase will try to blow up a crowded civilian marketplace because it's more difficult to target police stations and heavily fortified military posts. They go after the easier civilian targets in a desperate attempt to inflict human suffering and create further governmental instability in Pakistan. These situations are well documented. So you're probably thinking, "That's wonderful Saf. What would you do better?" Smother your body with higher quality rat poison?" Well no.

But I think it's reasonable to include realistic demands and ominous threats in your martyrdom video. The trick is to make your demands credible. The problem with most Jihadists - their videos call for unachievable goals. They'll demand the complete U.S. troop withdrawal in Iraq, Afghanistan and the holy lands of Saudi Arabia. While this might make for a decent sound byte with the fringe practitioners of Sunni Wahabism, it doesn't really achieve anything. I suppose it's more of a motivational and recruiting tool to further promote the cause. Doesn't it make sense to actually accomplish multiple goals considering that your body will soon be blown to bits?

A brief aside - I think Fox News, when reporting on isolated suicide bombings, should use the song "Bodily Dismemberment" by the death metal band Rigor Mortis. It would invoke vivid memories of the Trash House at the University of Dayton (1988). Thrasher Mike, the fearless leader of the pit, would awaken from a drunken stoned haze and murmur the following...

Your body's in slices
You're in six fucking pieces
Bodily dismemberment

at the 2:05 minute mark

Maybe get Glenn Beck to sing the words as they roll the video footage. And one more point - In the intro to the forgotten sitcom Doogie Howser M.D., there's a Rigor Mortis poster in his bedroom.

You have to look very closely for the partially obscured Rigor Mortis poster. It's in the top center of the clip at the 8 second mark.

I had no idea that Doog was such a big fan of death metal. They never portrayed him as a hardcore headbanger. Especially in that weird, dreamy episode where he loses his virginity to the indomitable (and really annoying) Wanda character. Never much cared for his girlfriend. I did like Vinnie though - the perpetually young friend that was afflicted with Gary Coleman disease. I think he was 26 years old hangin' with a bunch of teenagers. Even on The Sopranos in 2008, he's still looking good.

But back to my main point. I would call for something achievable in my martyrdom video. Considering that I'm likely a demented misogynist, I would call for additional attacks on specific elementary girl schools on certain dates on a future yearly basis - maybe coincide them with days of Islamic significance. If I were the principal of one of these schools, I'd have to take such a threat seriously. Would they close down school for those days? Perhaps early on as a precaution. But I'm sure there would be some concerned parents who keep their daughters home on those dates. So at least you achieved SOMETHING realistic and verifiable. You managed to inspire fear and promote the subjugation of young women. And you also managed to kill 3 civilians and severely maim 9 others. Well done.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Please get help