Monday, October 04, 2010

Ravens/sign/bum/parking ticket

So yeah, the big Steelers game was yesterday. If I was going to get a free ticket, I knew I'd have to come up with a strong sign. My original idea for a sign regarding Ravens kicker BILLY CUNDIFF would have have a little cardboard flap over the "D" - thus when you flip it up it turns into BILLY CUNTIFF. As strong as I thought it was, I don't think it would have helped much with the quest for a freebie.

Then on Friday afternoon I was in the shower and I had a revelation. I made a sign that said...


I was at Oglebayfest all day Saturday so I was a bit under the weather Sunday morning. But armed with my ghetto sign and three water bottles containing the drink of excitement, I cruised up to the stadium solo. I parked on West North Ave on the North Shore next to a church. Hooked up with a bunch of the revelers who were rocking it out across from PNC Park. Got to utilize one of the nicest semi-public restrooms in the bar at the Marriott. Discovering this place was a urinary gift from above. Kind of like god administering a golden shower of sorts.

We started our trek to the stadium at noon. As expected, very few extra tickets were floating around. At 12:20pm I stood up on the bench outside the main entrance and held up my sign. Within 3-4 minutes, an older man looked at me and said, "Are you really going to honor that commitment?" He flashed the "coveted golden ticket" in his outstretched hand. I gave him a slightly suspicious look, "Are you serious?" Then he hands me the ticket as I began to celebrate. I handed him a bunch of Steelers key chains and thanked him profusely. Fuckin' A. That was too easy. I knew there's always a few people that eat tickets but I figured they'd be the suite level arrogant fucks with unlimited cash to burn - any of that sound familiar??? This seat was section 510 Row P. I decided to try for another ticket since I had set my own personal over/under at 2 tickets. Nobody else would bite, but I was very content. Seriously, a freebie ticket for a high profile game like this. On the way in, I heard a dimwitted man say he'd be willing to pay $250 for a single. What a douche.

Anyway, I'm still standing on the bench just after kickoff and this quasi-homeless black man with dreads starts yelling at me. "Get down from there! I need to sit down!" Then this asshole starts grabbing at my leg. And this particular bench was a little wobbly. I yell back, "Get your fucking hands off me!" All of a sudden, a cop shows up and summons me over. I explain to him that this weirdo freakfuck started grabbing at me. "I don't care if he's some weirdo. He can't go around fucking with people like this." The cop just smiled half-heartedly and said, "Hey man, you gotta just let it go." I figured - oh well, might as well just head in. I look back at the asshole and he's smiling at me, mumbling to himself, sitting on the bench. Apparently, Scottie and Schneid had witnessed the whole altercation from the 5th level railing. They seemed to enjoy the floor show. I'm still a little pissed off but considering my plan for a free Steelers ticket worked perfectly, I suppose I'll chalk it up to "taking one for the team."

Of course, we lost a heartbreaker. When I get back to the car there's a parking ticket on my windshield for $120.00. Keep in mind, there was no meter, no yellow line, no fire hydrant, no nothing. In fact there was no warning anywhere. On the ticket it reads...

1 Hour Parking
No Visitor Pass

Well, when I got to Gig's house she explained that it was parking for the church. What the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Visitor pass??? What if my atheist Jew ass needs more than an hour to adequately pray, repent or spiritually suck god's cock. Honestly though, I did notice that the curb was about half the height of a regular curb. I suppose this is for people in wheelchairs to have easier access to the house of worship. Fuck them. I will not pay this ticket. Complete bullshit. If I ever have future issues, I'll just say I never got it. Maybe it blew off the windshield. I almost never park up there anyway. Total fucking bullshit. As long as they can't issue a misdemeanor warrant, I'll be alright. On the ticket , it just gets upped to $158 if you don't pay it in a month, it does say they can put an immobilization boot on my car. To that I say, fuck da police!

Steelers 14
Ravens 17

And for all you Baltimore fans, here's a quote from Edgar Allen Saf - "Fuck da Ravens!"
Fun time though.

1 comment:

Larry said...

I've said before, Pittsburgh needs signs when you enter the city that read "Welcome to Pittsburgh - You Can't Park Here".