Monday, November 15, 2010

flippin' Patriots

Ahhh, the witty banter of Sarah Palin... If she went to the game last night she'd probably say, "Regardless of the loss, that Steelers game was flippin' fun!" Is it any wonder why I loathe this woman? Fortunately, she's over 2,000 miles away. Well, until her book tour rolls back through the area. One day I will pulverize this self-proclaimed Mama Grizzly. This, I vow.

Anyway, I might up with Gig and we headed down to the mayhem around 4pm. Parked on a creepy side street on the North Shore. I think it was called Fontilla Avenue. Armed with an unnecessarily massive amount of Steelers key chains, we did some low end solicitation. Someday, I'll get rid of all that unofficial merchandise. The rain was kind of annoying and set the stage for a melancholy tailgating atmosphere. Things finally cleared up but the general mood remained stale.

Gig and I had 2 signs...





We assumed our standard position - standing on the bench outside Gate A. In about 20 minutes, a man would hand me the elusive free ticket. It was a club level seat ($252 face). He seemed happy just to give it away. I was content to accept the magnanimous gesture.

Then, it got a little weird. A policeman told us to "lose the signs." We both said okay but remained standing. We talked about the unreasonable nature of his demands but complied with the order (for about 5 minutes). Then, he walked away and the signs went back up. Oh my god, the utter defiance! It was like Jean-Luc Picard disregarding the prime directive. Anyway, another cop comes over, but he just wanted to see the signs. He just smiled and walked back to his post by the main gate. This emboldened us a bit, but we still couldn't seem to acquire the second freebie.

Truth be told, it was a pretty "tight" scene. Not a whole lot of action. Then, about 15 minutes passed and the original cop returned with one of the stadium security people. This time he was pissed off. He growled at us, "I already told you guys once! Get down form there and give me those signs or you'll be arrested! Do you understand?" We just mumbled "okay, sorry." Then, that bastard took both our signs. I'm thinking to myself a few things...

1) I spent about 4 minutes making those signs.
2) Regardless of the fact that the signs are basically worthless, isn't it illegal for him to just steal them from us?
3) Apparently, we're allowed to stand on the bench, so the elevation part wasn't the problem. It's just the signs. Is it okay to just yell and beckon for free tickets? Personally, I think the latter sounds more invasive and obnoxious.
4) And lastly, we still need another free ticket.

Anyhoo, now signless we walked toward lot A. Not too much action. Then I saw a guy who had an extra. He wanted face but quickly dropped to $20. I met up with Gigi and she also had found a $20 ticket. So we sold hers off for $20 and that pretty much concluded our ticket quest.

The fireworks were pretty impressive. We went in and snagged a front row spot on the railing in the end zone. I usually stand in the pit and watch it on the big screen. But this wasn't bad because you could turn your head and see the critical plays and referee calls. A guy next to us yelled, "Brady is a cunt!" I thought that was an unusual choice of words. As the half came to a close, I figured we'd lose this one. Just no pressure on Brady as he picked apart our secondary.

During halftime, we wandered to the other end of the stadium. Mid-way through the third, we opted to bolt. I know, I know... I'm always quick to ridicule the lame-ass fans that leave early but we were both wet, cold and poorly dressed. So we zipped to her place and watched the rest of the game. At the end of that debacle late in the 4th quarter, the stadium looked desolate. No thanks to us. We flippin' suck. And so does that cop that harassed us and broke the law. What's this flippin' world coming to?

This morning I noticed the receipt ticket had a name on it. David Dichauzi of Winchendon, Massachusetts. I googled his name and sure enough he came up on facebook. So I sent him a message of gratitude. David, if by chance you ever read this, just know the sentiment was deeply appreciated. If only others were more like Dave and less like that arrogant, thug cop with an inferiority complex, the world (and Steelers games) would be a much better (and flippin') place.


Larry said...

I don't get why he told you to take the signs down. It wasn't like you had anything offensive on them, like the Westboro church people.

Anonymous said...

Truth be told, they do crack down on scalpers out front. And I do have a slight degree of sympathy for the cops who patrol Heinz Field - they're always dealing with a ton of annoying drunks. Maybe I should make a t-shirt that says it for the warm weather games. This way I can just stand on the bench without a sign.
Maybe I'll try the sign taped to a pole. But I really like standing above the crowd and observing the masses.
It's the closest I'll ever get to the Hajj (Pittsburgh style).

Anonymous said...

Don't understand : For someone that has the means not to work is always trying to get something for nothing from hard working people that need the money more than you, At least you could do is offer them gas money.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy playing the role of the conniving atheist jew. I'm trying to provide tips to those who would seek to emulate that style of behavior.

From this one comment, you (whoever you are) strike me as a person who is very uninspired, emphatically dull and predictable. You probably get a great deal of enjoyment discussing topics like the weather and minor fluctuations in gasoline prices. If you live in Wheeling or Eastern Ohio, your hero is likely Al Molnar. He writes an excruciatingly tedious column for the local Sunday newspaper. SAF

Anonymous said...

And I have no idea where you derived "at least you could do is offer them gas money" comment.
People who know me understand 3 things.
1) I almost ALWAYS drive.
2) I NEVER ask for gas money.
3) In the rare event that I don't drive, I'll never offer gas money but I'll always pay for parking.

In a perfect world, everyone would follow these simple rules. Now go back to your American Idol and Dancing with the Stars. I can easily surmise that you are huge Bristol Palin fan. Your dream is to watch her do the Cha Cha. SAF

Anonymous said...

What a bizarre comment. Does this person not read your blog? And if they did and don't like it, why are they still reading and commenting? Makes no sense to me. DBV