Bin Laden photo

Two weeks after 9/11, me and three crazies went to the inaugural opening of Heinz Field for the delayed first regular season home game. We beat Cincy 16-7, and yes I'm pretty good at remembering final scores. The tickets were given to us by an oil man. It was a subdued crowd for the most part. This was the game where George Bush Jr. came on the wide screen at halftime to inform the country of the initial bombing runs in Afghanistan. I stood for the whole speech. I think a couple people said "sit down." I barely heard them. My honest recollection - I thought Bush did a good job with the speech. This was the year that Heinz Field had the largest wide screen on the planet (for like 3 months or something). Then the same company sold them to three other pro stadiums. The entire Bush speech just seemed brief and very surreal.

Anyway, in the parking lot before the game some guy solicited me. He was selling these large pins. They had a picture of Calvin (from the Calvin/Hobbes cartoon) pissing on Osama Bin Laden's head. And it read

OSAMA SUCKS
PAYBACKS ARE A BITCH!

Needless to say, I snatched it up for $3.00. He was selling them 2 for $5.00 but all I needed was one. I ended up taping it to the dome hockey game along with other historically dome-related stuff. And believe it or not, there's a picture of former Nailers coach John Brophy (an older man with a head of white hair) beside the picture of Bin Laden. I have absolutely no idea why I had any hostility toward our hometown hockey teams' management. Either way, this pin was bad ass. A major solo sales commitment for the historic opening day. Very commendable. I thanked this fearless lanky pinheadish dude, praised him and sent him on his way.

So present day - I find this stalling of the Osama death photo really intriguing. Just how many do they release? Obviously the whole thing's on video, or at least the most critical shit. Trust me - they were running all the time, definitely during the "ceremonial bathing of his ass and the shroud covering of yet another lanky asshole in a shroud."

I recall a brief interview on the local station immediately following 9/11. I'm pretty sure it was WTRF. Anyway they asked this guy coming out of the Benwood Kroger, "Excuse me sir, what are your thoughts on Osama Bin Laden?" This gruff dude barks into the camera, "Hey, he's a real asshole!" Of course they beeped out the "asshole" part but if you were even just a tiny bit observant, you would have figured out what he said. My point here is that I'm on safe ground when referring to Bin Laden as an ass.

Alright, now try and pivot toward present day. Now would be an excellent time to resurrect the "Calvin/Hobbs piss on Osama's head" pin. But this time, I would use the actual photo the White House is going to release. And I'm not makin' any pins. I'm not into the pin movement. Except for the 1950's political race. Eisenhower made "I LIKE IKE" pins. Nice. But I gotta go with the standard t-shirt. It would be a bold statement. Calvin performing a purposefully lofted golden shower on the remains of Bin Laden's head.

Hell... they gotta officially put out a ton of photographic evidence and material at some point. I think the "delay" is just Obama wanting to sit on it and calm things out. Wise strategy because say something (like a recent Moroccan bombing) goes down, the narrative suddenly shifts. Inevitable at some point but I think the better move is to stall for a while. Shows a calm strength.

I'll likely never make a stack of these shirts and sell them. Well, maybe "never" is a bit final. Let's say I'm about 8% I'll do 50. Not good either way. But my overriding point - I would likely sell them at Starlake shows. I'm thinking anything Skynyrd with an equal emphasis on Toby Keith. Rounding out the three, the Journey, REO Speedwagon, Foreigner gig. A surprising exhibition of classic rock rounding out the triple shot! But tt's really about reclaiming that majestic sales pitch and unique presentation of his anti-Osama pin. Seems like everything (eventually) came full circle with Bin Laden. Hopefully not for the original seller of that Osama pin.

Oh yeah, and what about the bit of him living in the mansion in Abbottabad. For something like 6 years??? That's completely insane. How much credence could that possibly have? And the other thing... there's a down side to waiting on the release of the photos > it opens all this shit up to claims of video manipulation. This will likely all end up as monster conspiracy fodder, unless you release everything. Certainly some aspects could compromise national security. It's a tough one. You pretty much have to EVENTUALLY put out more shit to placate the whackos, then more photos and excerpts, and always additional footage. I think Obama knows this and he wants the fullest disclosure possible. That's what's causing him concern. Because it's eventually all going to come out in the wash Tommy Hilfeger style.

There must be objections rolling in from his top people. It's a rough dilemma. Especially the funeral part where they weigh him down and ditch him in the Indian Ocean (which I thought was an outstanding idea - I never thought much about how the military would dispose of Bin Laden's body). I figured "capture and trial" would never sell as a viable option. Either administration would never be able to live it down. A trial was an ultimate loser issue. Nothing politically advantageous can be derived from it.

And I just thought of something else - kids, adults, grandmothers et al will use the kill shot as their cell phone screen savers. The thought that an entire generation of school kids could be warped/haunted by this photo. I might hire a good legal team and sue the administration for releasing this photo that's giving me nightmares. I could claim - "hey I'm the biggest Obama fan and I hath been totally forsaken." Should sell well in these parts. Very contemporary, lofty religious nonsense. I've seen it through the ages. Some might say I've studied it all "up in here, up in here." - DMX style).

And I recall this pro wrestler named AL Snow - he had this female wigged mannequin head he would proudly/psychotically wave in the air. It looked a little bit like a cross between Marilyn Monroe and Courtney Love. Very heroin chic with a classic twist of Americana. After a week's courtship, he attached the head to a wooden pole and called it "Moppy." He professed his love for the mop and I do believe they got married in the ring. The wedding ceremony had all kinds of shit. He made out with the mop, first dance, and I think there was a limbo scene at the end where some scantily clad female wrestlers went as low as they could go). Upon returning from the honeymoon, some bullies accosted them back stage and held him down while they threw Moppy in a portable wood chipper (which just happened to be an indoor arena). Al Snow wept. As they cut to commercial he's clutching the discarded head and crying "Moppy!" "Moppy!" in this alarmingly tearful yet inquisitive/sorrowful manner.

This whole bizarre performance could also be used to embellish my civil complaint in an Obama administration. Just an added touch. As security struggles with me, "I yell "Osama!" "Osama!" in that same Al Snowesque fashion. You'd have to really sell it though. Make Maury Povich my bitch. Long overdue and a proper way to honor his move from Manhattan to Stamford, Ct.