Friday, February 22, 2019

If I Don't Die in West Virginia


Premeditating the precise location of your personal demise?  Sounds uplifting, eh?  Kinda reminds me of that Wang Chung classic... To Live and Die in L.A.

But on a more serious note.  Where would I prefer to die?  Well I dunno, you tell me.  A Long John Silver's dumpster would have a certain battered appeal.  Suffocated between Trump's fleshy, flabby, milky-orange buttocks?  That doesn't sound terribly promising. 

Those who know me well, would likely say, "Saf's ultimate fantasy is to be crush asphyxiated in a random human stampede at Heinz Field."  Yeah, right!  To explore the boundaries of the unknown.  Makes one shudder in respiratory distress.

These zany guys I know wrote a song.  If I Don't Die in West Virginia.  It kinda reminds me of Shawn Smith's Leaving California.  Most people know it as the song where Sil kills Aid in a Sopranos season finale. 

Now, if you can compose an all-encompassing "sports team intro," you got it made in the Sade.  Sweetest taboo, bitches!


Think in terms of Jack White, born in Detroit.  When he released Seven Nation Army back in 2003, about going to Wichita, Nebraska... could he have ever fathomed it would serve as the intro song for every national soccer team fifteen years later at the 2018 World Cup in Russia?

There's something irrevocably poignant about introducing a town, state or country into the title of your song.  Doesn't really mater what the genre is.  Country, rock, rap, it's all the same.  I Wanna be a Part of it New York New York, Sweet Home Alabama, Straight Outta Compton, and so on and so forth.

Remember that Limp Bizkit song, Show Me What You Got?  Their "throw in every town but the kitchen sink" strategy wasn't too bad.  Just mention any municipality known to man and make it as insightful as humanly possible.  I get silly when I play in Philly... Need a Kleenex every time I'm leavin' Phoenix... spit on a boy named Tina in Pasadena.  Truly brilliant.  Now there's a work of fart.

Makes me think.  Even though I now reside in Pittsburgh, maybe I could write a mega hit about West Virginia...

Fucked my sister and had a thrill out in Sistersville.  
Went hunting and got 'er done down in Huntington.  
Never got paid and felt kinda shitty leavin' Paden City.  
Got a chest rub from a child molester way up in Chester.  

Sometimes the best material literally writes itself.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

The singer needs to be more of a "Smooth Operator"...
Justin is "No Ordinary" guitarist...
The drummer needs to be "By The Side" of the stage...

JUSTIN MAKES AND ROCKS THIS SONG!!

Love, Me❤️������

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