Go Pencils

So I'm watching a Sopranos rerun yesterday on A&E. Tony B. says to Carmella, "I make a mean Rusty Nail." I had heard of this drink a few times. Never having seen one, I wondered what's in it. So I google it, and lo and behold, the main component is Dewars! I actually spoke out loud, alone in my kitchen at 9:30am, "Hey, that's my drink! I drink that stuff!" I normally try not to talk to myself.
So a Rusty Nail is 3 parts Dewars, 1 part Drambuie - over ice. I figure, hey this might be good. I'll go buy a bottle of Drambuie. So I go to CVS and buy a bottle of this stuff for $30. That seems pretty expensive for a "Scottish liqueur crafted with aged malt whiskies, spiced honey and a recipe kept secret since 1745." I figured, if the Pens win tonight, I'm going to celebrate with a Rusty Nail.
So later last night, me and Chris H. are at Tony and Cleos and I ask Kara if she has ever had a Rusty Nail. She looks at me and gives this "ohhh, that drink is gross and disgusting - you want one of those?" I respond affirmatively. We try it. This has got to be the most disgusting beverage ever conceived. Drambuie tastes a lot like overly sweetened licorice infused Jagermeister with just a slight hint of ass. It totally overpowered the defenseless Dewars. It's kind of reminiscent of those white trash fuckheads who submerge sauerkraut with an enormous quantity of brown sugar. You know who you are.
Anyway, I've got this unopened bottle of Drambuie. I ditched the receipt when I left CVS, but I'm going to try and return it today. I'm pretty sure I will be successful. There's a CVS tag on the bottle and the seal isn't broken. I just don't wish to have any further contact with this Drambuie bullshit.
Anyway, it seems like the playoffs have been going on for about 6 weeks or so. Every single day, you read the endless cries on Facebook. Continue a Pens wave or "Let's go Pens" or Tina is a fan of Evgeni Malkin, click here to become a fan or "Pixburgh - City of Champions N'at" or "Bring back the Cup" or "I Love Crosby." OK. I get it. Seriously, I have gotten it about 50 times or so.
Now for the reality check. Detroit is something like 12-1 at Joe Louis Arena in the playoffs this year. I think their sole loss was an overtime defeat against Chicago. Basically, at home they appear invincible. The oddsmakers have the Red Wings favored, but it's hockey so the line is pretty tight. Nothing out of the ordinary there. HOWEVER, all the pressure is on Detroit. You know who lives in Detroit (well, Clarkston) - my Uncle Dick. Er uhhh, I mean Uncle Jack. Is this of any relevance? Possibly.
You see, there'd be a strange sense of poetic justice if the Pens win the Cup tonight. Pixburgh is the City of Champions. Detroit is home to General Motors, the hapless Detroit Lions, and of course my Uncle Jack. I have this odd feeling in my gut that everything comes full circle tonight. Normally, I'd want to host a Game 7, but my neighbor fuckface is having two slabs of his concrete driveway resurfaced. Technically, you can get through without driving over the concrete but the margin for error is slim and I lack the requisite confidence in several potential attendees. Fuckface even erected two wooden blockades that read "Driveway closed till Monday" - yes, "till" is misspelled. I might go down and scratch out the other "L".
It just seems like all the stars are aligned for a good night of contrasts.

With all this in mind, I think Detroit goes down.

Penguins 4
Red Wings 2

In keeping with the utter zaniness, I'll go WAY OUT on a limb and give the empty net goal to Fleury. GO PENCILS!