anagrams

An anagram is the changing of words and phrases using the same existing letters. I employ anagrams when altering signs for a variety of local businesses. The main goal is to manipulate the letters to convey an irrelevant message. The ultimate victory is when you fundamentally change a sign to the opposite message.

Church marquees provide the best example.

SOUL FOOD SERVED HERE - This could be altered to FOUL HERO DESERVED
or how about
SINNERS REPENT - REPRESENT SIN

You get the gist. And with today's technology, you need not be highly gifted. Anyone can participate, even the mentally uninspired viewers of Fox News. All you need is one of those cell phones w/ internet access. This site is the best I've come across...

http://www.anagramgenius.com/server

Usually, the simpler the better. Stick with the main message and alter a key word or two. Make sure you disable the profanity setting when using the anagram program. Derogatory references to human genitalia are always the best. This is ideal for low standing church marquees. I'd also encourage changing signs that promote "CIGARETTES AND ALCOHOL" which can easily be transformed to read "SCATALOGICAL ADHERENT." This is the dream come true anagram. For those of you who don't know, the term scatalogical refers to scat - a fixation with fecal matter. Anything that includes mention of Sarah Palin... can often be changed to ASS PAIN if there's an extra "S."

I'm currently considering buying one of those 10 foot high letter changing devices. This would open up a whole new era where I could target fast food chain signs and major retailers. If you happen to own one of these, let me know. They can't be that costly. It's just a long pole with a "prong-gripping device" on the end.

Can you even fathom the possibilities? Think about the world we live in. It's all a bunch of crappy slogans and sound bytes. MCRIB IS BACK, ALL NUDE ENTERTAINMENT, BUCKET NIGHT, blah, etc. With the start of a new decade, it's time to encourage this hot new fad - I'm going to call it "Sign System Disruption" or "SSD" for short. I predict that SSD will placate our ailing melancholy in these recessionary times. This is just what Detroit needs. All those inner city convenience store signs are making me fucking salivate. It's as if I'm at Bob Evans and the waitress just asked me, "And your choice of breakfast meat?"

Just make sure you uphold the "Sign Alteration Code of Ethics." Under no circumstances is it ever acceptable to steal letters or bring your own lettering to enhance a troublesome sign. And there's a an absolute zero-tolerance policy for any type of vandalism whatsoever. That's a meaningful setback to a just cause, you know, like voting against the invasion and occupation of Iraq. Make sure to take before and after pictures and post them on your facebook crap. In these times of uncertainty, let us convey random, nonsensical messages to the masses.

I just did a few other commonplace phrases:
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE - A FELONIOUS BUSINESS
RESERVATIONS REQUIRED - TRENDIER, QUEER SAVIORS
VOTE REPUBLICAN - ABRUPT VIOLENCE
and how about this local favorite
OGLEBAY FESTIVAL OF LIGHTS - FLASHY FAGGOT LOVE BITES

And by the way, most of those expensive, elaborate church marquees under glass have miniature Masterlocks on them. All you need is the tiny generic key. It's one size fits all. Thank God.