Westboro Baptist Church

The WBC is coming to Wheeling, WV. From an atheist Jew perspective, this is truly a festivus miracle. For those unfamiliar with the WBC, these are the mindless freaks from Topeka, Kansas who picket military funerals and stage extremely hateful anti-gay rallies in particularly sensitive locations. They hold signs that say "GOD HATES FAGS" and the typically mentally sophisticated "BURN IN HELL" slogans. These morons have no shame whatsoever and don't give a fuck what anyone thinks of them. Sound familiar?

Well, they've planned 4 separate stops while in Wheeltown on Saturday April 10.

4-4:30 St. Mike's Church (literally my backyard)
5-5:30 St. Alphonsus (downtown)
5:40-6pm St. Joe's (downtown)
and they'll finish off the evening at my old stomping grounds... Wheeling Jesuit! Kewl. The WJU and St. Mike's ones have great potential for a low end system disruption.

So I guess it's come down to this. In the world's greatest ironic scenario of all time - I will come to the defense of WJU and the Catholic church. I read their press release on the godhatesfags.com website. Basically, they're coming here to protest the Catholic church sex scandal. So it'll be the extremist right wing wackos vs. the mainstream right wing wackos. And then you throw me in the mix. Sounds like a strong way to start the party. I love the fact that they're protesting the Catholic church pedophile scandal. Wouldn't it be reasonable to infer that counter-protesters actually support the pedophile priests?

The WBC does fascinate me in a way. They physically test the boundaries of the 1st Amendment. They've been around for several years and regardless of their agenda, they really know how to stir the shit. Well, the protesters are just mindless sheep but their leader (I forget his name) certainly has a disconnected way of promoting his "fags must die" campaign. These are the same fuckheads that picket military funerals with the theory that the U.S. military protects gay American citizens; therefore, they are actively complicit in defending condemned gays (who should die).

This is actually similar logic I used in the faith-healing Benny Hinn protest at Mellon Arena protest. Shame Mellon Corp. for allowing a faith healer to use the municipally funded arena. An attempt to persuade other companies with arena naming rights, to reject future crusades. I think mine was more focused and relevant. Theirs is a bit more specious and circular.

Well, here's the deal. I'm hitting up all 4 locations. I think the St. Mike's and Wheeling Jesuit closer have the greatest potential. I can't wait to see the reaction of the beltway college kids. Have you ever felt the collective wrath and venom of a bunch of religious right wing kids from the Washington DC loop? Honestly, they're not the most creatively inspired group so I imagine they'll just boo and heckle. Maybe dump cheap beer on one of them.

I might make signs condemning both sides in an attempt to encourage a three-way systemic disruption. Theoretically, is it possible to get both sides to unite and focus all their rage at me. I'd take it like a 6 yr. old altar boy. Seriously though, am I allowed to protest both sides? I think I'll go with the more obvious target though. Members of the Westboro Baptist Church - sonofsaf welcomes you to the true bible belt. I doubt you'll be enjoy your visit to the friendly city.

I just thought of a funny sign. The Wheeling Feeling could be a cloaked reference to pedophile priestly fondling. You could do a Wheeling "Feeling/Fondling" hidden lift up. Just like the Trent Dilfer #8/Trent Dildo 8". Sounds about right. I'm stopping by Jesuit today to see what they've got planned in the realm of counter-protests. Would the role model Jesuit kids have the balls and ovaries to stage a super-soaker attack? How cool would that be?

Let's get on this. I might have a party later that night.