Sunday, May 02, 2010

Fox News prediction

The immigration debate will continue for the foreseeable future. I predict that a story similar to the one I'm about to unveil will inevitably break on Fox News (the most balanced source for sensationalism). The producers are very adept at spoon feeding stories to the general public. Hey, when they needed to put a face on the dilemma of the oppressed white American male in his mid 40's who's having difficulty maintaining his 200K/year salary, Joe the Plumber stepped up. Now, they've got a new challenge but this one's far easier and way more obvious.

Here's what will happen in the near future. Somewhere in a wealthy Phoenix suburb (I'm thinking Scottsdale or maybe even Paradise Valley - go figure) the following scenario will unfold. A Hispanic man from Mexico (early 20's) will be romantically involved with a young, attractive American girl. This will not be a Paris Hilton type. However, she will have long blond hair and a very "girl-next door" look, trending shy and unassuming. The relationship will be a relatively turbulent one. I'm guessing at one point he was their pool-boy or worked on the landscaping. He's controlling and manipulative, resentful of her family and often tries to lay down the law. All kinds of rules and regulations (almost of a Maury Povich like consistency). Oh yeah, and he sponges off her. Let's even give him a name (perhaps something ethnic that sounds like Hey Zeus).

Anyway, one night when the Mexican National soccer team gets eliminated from the World Cup, Jesus goes into an absolute rage and there's a domestic altercation at her parent's home. It's a loud disturbance in a high profile, gated community. So the cops are called in. They come and settle things down. The police show a certain amount of discretion considering that it's a million dollar zone and they've never been to that address in the past. They never ask for identification and nobody is taken to jail for the night as it seems that things have settled down.

About an hour after the police exit, Jesus goes "wolfman bezerker" and beats the hell out of his girlfriend. When the parents and older sister try to intervene, he gets a gun and kills all of them. Or for even better shock value, gets a knife and stabs all of them to death. Regardless, this ends up being a very grisly crime scene.

Ordinarily, this story could be national news, but wait there's a new twist. Jesus was here ILLEGALLY. He's an illegal alien. Ohhh, if only the cops had asked for him to produce identification, they would have known of his status. He would have been arrested, deported and this entire tragedy would have been averted. I'll even predict that Jesus gets away and flees back to Mexico. And now, the search is on. More importantly, the story is on.

This is what I like to call Fox News Heaven. Everyday for months this will be your headline story. Fox will own this damn thing. Hour by hour updates. Where's Jesus? Have you seen Jesus? Keep on the look out. He's an illegal alien and he's armed and dangerous (with a knife). This is how you own the ratings on the illegal immigration debate. Hell, this is how you own the news cycle. You stoke absolute fear and terror into the trophy moms and hedge fund dads. Jesus will become the face of the entire immigration debate. He's not Joe the Plumber. He's Jesus the groundskeeper and you better protect yourself. Most important, you better protect your daughter.

Trust me, this story or something incredibly similar to this is INEVITABLE. Of course it's news, but the manner in which it will be relentlessly portrayed and vilified is the real news story. I suppose it could happen in Texas, California or New Mexico, but right now Phoenix, AZ is ground zero.

Anyhoo, I'm sitting here watching the failed NYC Times Square car bomb story. Wouldn't it be fascinating if the culprit was an illegal alien? I doubt it though - more likely a rural, white militia nutjob. I'm still adamant that the car bombs are coming. If you want the best scenario, read about my superbowl blog. I forget what the title is. Just search on Indianapolis or New Orleans. Remember, you heard it here first. I'm going to blog some of my other predictions. Next up - the specific details of the emerging "Cold War" with China. Hey, it's going to be mega news in late 2011/early 2012. Might as well stay ahead of the curve.

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