Tuesday, March 01, 2011

nude gingrich

So Chris Matthews spoke about his prediction for the top 5 Republican candidates - Rick Santorum, Mike Huckabee, Haley Barbour, Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich. Seems like an invigorating group. Maybe they could all debate that instant millisecond when a sperm and egg form a viable life. This way they could lay a foolproof foundation for criminal charges against women who have miscarriages.
Based on the Republican primary process, I still think it will be Romney. It's almost like a coronation of sorts. I'd be more curious to see who he picks for the VP slot.
But my interest is more about when Gingrich takes the plunge. I went and saw him speak a few years ago at the Capitol Music Hall. I found it intriguing that he had an exceptional grasp of local blue collar issues like steel and mining. It seemed like he was testing the water. What better a way to see if the Republican base is receptive to a potential presidential bid. You don't get much more Republican than Wheeling, WV. Tea baggers in these parts are always willing to go that extra mile. I overheard the following conversation at Kroger -

Woman A. - "Yes, my daughter is donating her hair for a philanthropic cause. I'm so proud of her."

Woman B. - "Really! That's so wonderful. Which organization? Locks of Love?"

Woman A. - "Well, actually she's donating it to Fox personality Mike Huckabee. She thinks it will help his presidential campaign if he has more hair. You know, he'll appear more photogenic."

Woman B. - "That's so wonderful."

Anyway, it got me thinking of a cheap and hysterical way to destroy Newt's campaign. He'll probably make the announcement in his home state of Georgia. You go to the event with one of those remote controlled helicopters or frisbee-like rc devices. You attach a sign to it that simply says "HYPOCRITE". As he makes his speech, you're sitting in a wheelchair with the remote control discreetly in your lap underneath a blanket. Just as he reaches the crescendo (his bid announcement), you fly in the disc about 3 feet directly over his head. The crowd is "going wild" and he's smiling form ear to ear. Then KABOOM! Nobody can reach the sign because it's untouchable. The enthusiasm quickly dissipates as everyone in the crowd simultaneously realizes that the horse they've backed is totally fucked.

Obviously it's a blatant reminder of Gingrich's infidelity while he was trying to impeach Bill Clinton for the same offense. This would be bad ass. He would just be left standing there like a buffoon. Theoretically, it would be a lot like the emperor who wore no clothes. In essence, a nude Gingrich. His hypocrisy (and gock) exposed for the world to see.

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