Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Top 10 ILLEGAL Beverages in Wheeling, WV

10. Sex on the Beech Bottom
Less filling. Tastes like ass.

9. Moondogshine

I finally found the ride of a lifetime...

8. Wheeling Island Iced Tea
Equal parts crackhead, drunk, hooker
and elderly degenerate gambler.
Splash of cat urine for added color.

7. Elm Grove Dodge Car Bomb
Your car blows up the second you exit the lot.

6. Route 7 & 7
The seven deadly sins of East Ohio...
Inbred, Fat Ass, Redneck, Pedophile
Chain Smoker, Stupid Fuck & B.O.

5. Bombay Safire Gin & Tonic
Who the fuck made this shirt?
Stick a lime up his ass!

4. Hare of the Dog
A Krishna Klassic...
1 part patchouli, 1 part crickwater
and 4 parts stank. Garnish with a doobie.

3. Rum and Coke Plant
This drink is no longer in existence.
It has been officially shut down.

2. Funky Cold Adena
I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener.
You must be sure that your girl is pure for the
Funky Cold Adena

1. Bell-Dirty Martini
Use only the cheapest Vodka from Rite-Aid.
Garnish with a generous chunk of olive loaf.

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