Saturday, September 17, 2011

Backyard Brawl script for Gangs of New York

I think it's safe to say that Martin Scorsese is the best movie director of my lifetime.  I can't see anyone who comes close.  I watched the opening battle scene from Gangs of New York last night.  It's fascinating because of the initial LACK of blood and gore.  Then, of course, the brutality picks up.  But the techno-intro music is completely bad ass.  I think Daniel Day Lewis literally blows the roof off this movie in his role as Bill Cutting, the native gang leader of the Five Points. 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ly2yKcOJC7Y


But here's my idea...

Someone should really set up a skit outside Heinz Field and/or Mountaineer Field for the annual backyard brawl.  It would closely mimic the opening battle scene of Gangs of New York. You could do it at either venue.  But Heinz Field is superior because you could stand up on the benches outside Gate A as the crowd is pouring in.   Everyone would be forced to watch.  At Milan Puskar, I guess you could use the top of the hillside near the student entrance.  Same general premise.

I think Bill Cutting would better be portrayed as the Mountaineer fan and Priest Vallon should assume the role of the Pitt Panther fan.  Obviously the priest ends up getting killed - so this logically works on a couple different levels. 

A. - The Panthers usually take a beating.
B. - And in my fringe world, I prefer the thug gangster disposing of the religious leader.  

Here's the original script...

Bill:
At my challenge, by the ancient laws of combat, we are met at this chosen ground, to settle for good and all who holds sway over the five points: us natives, born rightwise to this fine land, or the foreign hordes defiling it.

Crowd: YEAH! (Everyone clutches their weapons)

Priest Vallon: By the ancient laws of combat, I accept the challenge of the so called "natives." They plague our people at every turn, but from this day out, they shall plague us no more. For let it be known, that the hand that tries to strike us from this land shall be swiftly cut down.

Crowd: YEAH! (Everyone clutches their weapons)

Bill: Then may the Christian lord guide my hand against your Roman potpourri.

Priest Vallon: Prepare to receive the true lord.

So here's my adapted version.  If you accurately portray the inflection and hostility, this would kick ass.  And the timing, about a decade later since the release of the movie, is spot on.




Mountaineer fan: At my challenge, by the ancient laws of football, we are met at Heinz Field, to settle for good and all, who holds sway over the Backyard Brawl, us hillbillies, born an hour down the road, or the Pixburgh yinzers defiling it.

Crowd: YEAH! (all WVU fans hoist beers in the air)

Panther fan: By the ancient laws of football, I accept the challenge of the so called "hillbillies."  They plague our team on every play, but from this day out, they shall plague us no more.  For let it be known, that your quarterback who tries to throw for a touchdown shall be sacked to the ground.

Crowd: YEAH! (all Panther fans hoist beers in the air).

Mountaineer fan: Then may the football gods guide our team against your Pittsburgh Primanti

Panther fan: Prepare to receive the true moonshine.

Note: You could pull off the same stunt for the Steelers/Ravens game.  A similar script busting on crab cakes and the "yuppie" Baltimore fans.  It would be a phenomenal clip for NFL game day material.

286 comments:

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Anonymous said...

I believe it's your "Roman Popery"..

DBV

sonofsaf said...

DBV,

All I can say is OMG! Thank you so much for correcting me. I honestly thought he meant Roman "potpourri" as in referring to "miscellaneous immigrant types."

I welcome all blog-related grievances with the exception of anything anti-Chrisagii.

Anonymous said...

Never anything anti-Chrisagii...praise their light.

Gangs is a good movie with an excellent performance from Daniel Day Lewis. He really made the film. All in all, it was about 45 minutes too long.
DBV

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