Tuesday, September 30, 2014

unusual phone scam

I was just the recipient of an atypical phone scam.  At least that's my hunch.  Mostly grounded in common sense and my fraud detection alert sensibilities.

On September 30 at 4:08 pm, I got a call from someone registered as "UNKNOWN."  Normally, I wouldn't even bother to pick up, but every so often I get unusual calls about the stampede stuff.  So I answered it.


There was a very brief pause which triggered me to start thinking --- for the love of Christ's scarred cock, it's a telemarketer.  But this call instantly got aggressive.

"Yo.  What's your name?"  The guy sounded very hostile and thuggish.  Not to get all judgmental, but he definitely had a black voice.

I reply, "Huh"

"You heard me!  Are you the guy that keeps calling my woman in the middle of the night?"

Me: "Dude, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Him:  "Stop playing with me, man.  I will kill you.  You don't know who you're messin with!"

Me:  "Hey man, you need to listen to me.  I have absolutely no idea who your woman is or what this is about.  You obviously got the wrong number.  Who are you trying to talk to?"

Him:  "You're making this worse.  I'm pissed off man.  I WILL find you.  I WILL hunt your ass down!  I'm not playin!"

Me:  "Alright.  Well good luck with that."  It dawned on me again that I was in the middle of some kind of scam.  "Well, I gotta go.  Hey man, take me off your list.  Later."  Then,  I clicked the off button.

21 minutes later I get a second call from "UNKNOWN."  I thought about letting it go to voicemail, but you know how I am.  Curiosity took over, even though I surmised it was some kind of bullshit phone crap.

I answered, "Hey, if this is that same dude, you gotta believe me, I have no idea what any of this is about."

But this time it's a woman (with a very sultry voice).  "Oh, thank you for picking up.  I really need to see you.  I haven't felt this way about anyone in a long time.  The last time we talked, I knew you were the one for me.  I just want to see you.

Me:  "Uhh, listen.  Not to burst your bubble or anything, but I have no idea who you are or what this is about."

Her:  "I just want to see you.  Please don't say things like that.  You mean so much to me.  You have no idea."

Me:  "Okay.  I get it.  You know, I'm not a complete idiot.  Take me off your list."

I hear her murmur, "Wait.  Wait."  For a second I thought it was that White Lion douchebag.

Just listen to the first 3 seconds.  There is no compelling reason whatsoever to watch that entire video.  If you feel differently, I hope you get beheaded by ISIS.

So I hung up again.

Here's my takeaway from this episode.  Normally, I would have played along just to confirm my suspicions, but they probably keep tabs on how long you stay on the line.  Plus, these days you never know.  It might be some kind of phone sex scam where they automatically bill you $19.99.

I imagine this was all a low-tech romance scheme.  Likely indicative of all those "cat-phishing I will marry you when I get my green card and away from this mess involving a threatening wealthy dictator." 

I think they suck you in with the threatening guy.  Get your pulse and heart rate moving (this part totally worked).  And then, after 20 minutes pass, you get the softer approach from the woman designed to pacify and relieve.  If I had stayed on the phone, I imagine she would have said something along the lines of "I just dumped him.  I need to find a real man like you who's going to treat me right.  If you can just send me the money for a bus/plane/train ticket, I'll be on my way and we can start our new life together.  You want that, don't you?  Don't you want me?"

The Human League crap's not as bad.  It is bad though.  Not as bad as the phone calls, but barely better than the White Lion sewage treatment crapola.



Anonymous said...

So far, 6 long distance calls from "Poppy"...two different area codes...not sure what is going on...Good news...Poppy has sent me money TWO times!!!! woo hoo!!!

sonofsaf said...

Sounds like Poppy is a little bit sloppy (Seinfeld reference).