#53. Enter Sandman

A couple years ago, on the way in to see Metallica, I casually mentioned to my buddy Eric... "James Hetfield sounds pretty rough these days."  He countered, "I've always thought his vocal style was very underrated."

So fuck all of those self-proclaimed O.G.'s (Original Gangstas). 

This parody is dedicated to the O. B. - the Online Bandit, a/k/a Metal Male, a/k/a Jepsonian.

 

Enter Sandman
sonofsaf

Enter Sandman, Hetfield will scream (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Kirk is a Hammett, guitarist so mean (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Apocalypse, just over and over (bung, bung, bung, bung)
And Kill ‘Em All you know this ain’t Passover
Sandman, I drink alone (bung, bung, bung, bung)
George Thorogood’s not bad to the bone (bung, bung, bung, bung)
It’s an American dream
Enter Sandman, Hetfield will scream

Enter Sandman, Hetfield will scream
Kirk is a Hammett, guitarist so mean
Die by the sword when you are hungover
Apocalypse, just over and over
Sandman, I drink alone
George Thorogood’s not bad to the bone
It’s an American dream
Enter Sandman, Hetfield will scream

Enter Sandman (James) Hetfield will scream
Give him a new disguise it’s not part of a scheme
Give him a metal band not mariachi
Crunch to avoid the Brothers Malachi
Enter Sandman, this might sound bold (this might sound bold)
Might sound so preachy from what I’ve been told
So it’s an American dream
Enter Sandman, Hetfield, James, James, James
Enter Sandman, Hetfield will scream

 

Mr. Sandman
The Chordettes

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Give him two lips like roses and clover (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over
Sandman, I'm so alone (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Don't have nobody to call my own (bung, bung, bung, bung)
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream
Make him the cutest that I've ever seen
Give him the word that I'm not a rover
Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over
Sandman, I'm so alone
Don't have nobody to call my own
Please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream

Mr. Sandman (yes) bring us a dream
Give him a pair of eyes with a "come-hither" gleam
Give him a lonely heart like Pagliacci
And lots of wavy hair like Liberace
Mr. Sandman, someone to hold (someone to hold)
Would be so peachy before we're too old
So please turn on your magic beam
Mr. Sandman, bring us, please, please, please
Mr. Sandman, bring us a dream

Metallica concerts:

11-18-88, Cincinnati Gardens, Cincinnati, OH

6-15-88, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA (Monsters of Rock)

6-22-88, Rubber Bowl, Akron, OH (Monsters of Rock)

4-16-89, Hara Arena, Dayton, OH

7-26-92, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh, PA (w/ Guns'n'Roses & Faith No More) 

3-26-97, Civic Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

10-18-18, PPG Paints Arena, Pittsburgh, PA

Please do not share this information with James Hetfield, Kirk Hammett, George Thorogood, the Malachi Brothers, any surviving members of The Chordettes, and/or those who celebrate Passover (gotta go hide that fuckin' afikomen).