Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Well, the lawn saga seems to have been resolved. The manner in which it ended... well, let's just say it felt like being at church. First, I was made to feel bad. Then, I was made a pathetic offer (here's what you must do if you want to stay out of hell). Finally, there was a truly pathetic bargaining attempt to save what was left of my squandered dignity.
Mom's son and his spokesman promptly showed up at 1pm today. Apparently, my neighbor does not want any compensation for his yard or the hillside. Which in all honesty, he owns, not me. I own a tiny sliver at the top. My neighbor only wants a new tarp for his pool. I figure he'll have his lawn and garden crew attend to any repairs on his property. The cemetery didn't file a grievance either and they had a pretty big swath of land that got tracked.
Then, it was inferred how embarrassing this whole incident has been on the original perpetrator. I kind of felt guilty for making a production about everything. Especially since I was treated as the antichrist on our message board.

The lawn spokesman offered to pat down the lawn and reseed it. I said, "Well, I was planning on doing it myself so how about just making me an offer." Gil looks at me and says, "How about $200?" I sheepishly counter with a whopping $225 and then we shook hands. I'll get the check in a couple days and consider the entire matter closed. They both quickly exit the scene of the crime. This entire incident, although it made for good humor, was relatively weak. I mean we're basically talking about an older woman driving over a hillside late one night. It's not like she flew a plane into the World Trade Center.
I spent about 25 mintues stomping the wet ground in my Nikes. It's pretty much level for future lawn mowing. Stomping it out was easy since the lawn was so saturated today. I worked up a pretty good sweat which will suffice as my daily exercise. No grass seed is necessary. It's just a little muddy and I'm sure something will grow there. I'm not entering any lawn and garden contests this summer so we're safe from that perspective.

All in all, I guess you could say I got Gilled in the White. I should have countered with more, I know... I know... but I started to feel pangs of guilt. Maybe this is a fitting conclusion after all. In retrospect, maybe I could have shown a little restraint when communicating this whole ordeal to everyone I know. I think I'll take the proceeds and stock my liquor cabinet - which will benefit everyone. This way we can all commiserate and share in the muddy despair.

Oh, and Danno wins the contest with what we presumably thought was a weak bid of $1.00. Congratulations!


BRWVTX said...

Dang, I was hoping that anyone other than a Flyers fan would win.

Don't feel guilty for speaking your mind, she deserves the embarassment...

Anonymous said...

No hand job from Gil?

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! You got jobbed by Gil White.


Sandra said...

Saf! I am just catching up on your blog, so I didn't make an estimate guess. I think it's fine to pursue these things, don't accept the stink-eye. Otherwise you'll have old ladies joyriding through your yard day and night.

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