Wednesday, April 01, 2009

unhappy meal

I've always been skeptical of McDonald's. There's just something disturbing when you watch a corpulent parent and/or guardian taking their morbidly obese child by the hand in the parking lot, guiding their way to the entrance. They have this satiated look of contentment as if they're approaching hallowed ground. I'm sure for many it truly is a sacred experience. I also don't care for the concept of The Hamburglar. Why would this guy violate his parole in a never-ending quest to acquire dollar hamburgers? And I also despise adding the prefix "Mc" to every word imaginable.

Now is the time for payback. Just today I saw an internet ad for a free chicken wrap at Tim Hortons. Available today from 11:30am > 2pm only on April 1. At first, I thought it might be an April Fool's Day internet hoax. Heather and I went there for lunch and sure enough, it was legit. But it got me wondering, what if you set up a facebook ad and email chain letter that resembled the infamous Neiman Marcus Cookie recipe from the early days of the internet. For those that don't know, some guy had a spat with Neiman Marcus, so he found out the recipe for their "secret" cookie and encouraged people to fwd the recipe to everyone they knew. Back in the late 1990's, just about everyone on the planet had this fwd in their inbox.
Here's my idea. Granted it's a bit more diabolical and disruptive. I'd prefer to use facebook since it's way more efficient and effective. Stay with me here... First you design an ad that says "McDonald's is celebrating their 100th Anniversary." They have decided, that in these recessionary times, they will give away a free Happy Meal to every customer on the first Monday of every month for an entire year! Sounds somewhat credible. The whole team is in the ad. You've got Ronald McDonald, the purple entity Grimace and, of course, the Hamburglar pedophile along with the corporate logo. The whole thing looks very convincing and official.
Of course, once this thing starts making the facebook rounds, Mcdonald's comes out and says it was all a hoax and they apologize for any confusion. Now, I can already hear what you're thinking - Great idea, Saf! You suck. What's the purpose here? I can't believe I'm reading your blogshit.

NOW WE TAKE IT ONE STEP FURTHER. There is a follow up email ready to go after all this has unfolded. It explains that what started as some kind of pathetic internet hoax is actually coming true. People are getting free happy meals. Apparently, in several cities across the country and even some locations outside the U.S., there have been numerous accounts of people going through the McDonald drive-thrus. They request their free happy meal. The brittle voice responds over the intercom, "I'm sorry sir, this was all just one big hoax." In all these situations, the person responded with, "Hey, I'm not going anywhere til I get my free happy meal as promised. I'm going to TURN OFF MY IGNITION." All of a sudden, the drive thru is clogged. What are they really going to do? The manager will tell you to get lost but if you hold your ground, they have no options outside calling the authorities.
Can you imagine the fallout from people doing this at every McDonald's nationwide? I'm sure there are tons of people (mostly males ages 16-35) who would try this out if they thought it could work. What's Mcdonald's going to do - Call the cops everytime someone pulls this routine? You've got to realize that the new ad would have testimonials from people who have successfully obtained their free happy meal. You alter the individual accounts of their particular experiences. I could write a ton of these until it takes off on its own.
And the new facebook ad actually encourages people to try it and document their experiences. It begins to spread like a virus and basically the thing has a momentum all of its own. Also in the ad, you leak a phony corporate memo that was sent out to all participating McDonalds. In it, the Vice President of Sales mentions that corporate has decided it's best to just give away the free happy meals rather than put up a fight.
I swear to god. This idea has merit. And it would be a typical facebook group entitled "I got a Free Happy Meal from McDonald's." The best part of it all - For many people, it would become a truly "happy" meal. At the same time, it would make everyone at McDonald's decidedly "unhappy."
Saf, why all the resentment? Well, about 4 years ago I ordered a meal and the senile old lady in the pick-up window didn't include my fries. Like I said earlier - Now it's time for payback! Fuck Mickey D's - The only true Mickey D. is the drummer from King Diamond.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You should start small. Make up a bunch of free happy meal coupons and put them on people's windshields at various events. Much like your Bush poem.