Sins of the Republican party

2004 was an interesting year with massive political implications for the future of the Republican party.  This was the year Karl Rove actively sliced, diced and carved up the electorate like a giant turkey which bore a slight resemblance to the gock (combination of gut and cock) of Newt Gingrich.  Rove actively sought out the assistance of Columbus mega-church pastor, Rod Parsley.  Acting as a born-again marionette, Parsley then got the rest of the Ohio mega-preachers firmly on board with the W agenda.  All the usual polarizing issues (gods, guns and gays) guided Bush Jr. to victory in the state of Ohio aka "ground zero."

If you think about it, Ohio was basically a massive insurance policy from god.  Rove secured the religious right and that tipped the electoral scale in favor of Bush.  Even though Bush dominated in the popular vote, the electoral college was still very tight.  With the necessary 270 total in play, it came down to Bush 286, Kerry 251.  If Ohio's 20 votes had tipped for Kerry...  then yep... a real-life, liberal version of Herman Munster would have seized the White House.  Not a huge John Kerry fan, I would have preferred to cast an anti-Bush vote (-1), but that's another story which has yet to be told.

Ironically an admitted atheist, Karl rove had an intriguing dilemma.  Bend to the churchies and ye shalt secure a second term in the White House.  But Rove didn't bend.  He folded, capitulated and did everything short of condoning the Catholic priest pedophile scandal.  Rove's a pretty sharp guy.  He made the following calculation.  He sacrificed the long term health of the party for short-term, instant gratification.  Hell, that's not too unusual.  Isn't that what most political operatives would have done?

But now the Republican party is experiencing the full wrath of those calculations.  Look at the major policy stands of the entire Republican field.  Even the candidates that got weeded out (Bachmann, Pawlenty, Cain, and Perry) all had the same narrow, extremist right wing ideology.  If you're Gary Johnson (two term Republican Governor of NM) and have a different take, you're flatly denied access to the podium.  You get replaced by upstart Herman Cain - token conservative, successful black man.  And don't forget about Trump - loud mouth, unsuccessfully toupeed, honky.

Think about the unified stances on Republican primary issues:

On abortion... no exceptions.  Even in cases of rape, incest and life of the mother.  Only Romney wouldn't commit to the Susan B.Anthony pledge which is absurdly out of the mainstream.

On religion... Obama has declared "war" on your right to pray.  Pure nonsense, but it's basically the same gibberish.  Most support outdated 1950's notions of mandatory prayer in public schools.

On guns... Even Mitt Romney offers captivating insight detailing his youthful hunting experiences.  You know.. the one where he killed varmints, rodents and various skunk-scented gerbils.  He likely experienced this coming of age in Michigan where he was surrounded by properly-sized trees and exquisite bodies of relatively stagnant water (us regular joes call them "lakes").

On gay marriage... Fahgettaboudit.  Every candidate is more in line with the views of Ahmedinajad.  Log Cabin Republicans - I think your stock is really dwindling this year.  As if you ever had a chance.  Just who are these adamant, self-loathing gay Republicans?  They're like diehard Amish at a high-tech, marital aid convention in Vegas.

On the economy... if you've EVER raised taxes or voted for a debt ceiling increase, you're the enemy.  If you don't strictly adhere to the gospel of Grover Norquist, you're totally fucked.  No exceptions.

On foreign policy...  you have to go even further to the right of Obama.  I would have killed Bin Laden faster.  I'd bomb Iran sooner.  I'd increase our presence in Iraq and Afghanistan til we get "the job" done.  No tolerance for NATO or the United Nations - we must be unilaterally involved in Libya, Egypt and now it's Syria.  When it comes to defense, they never met a "no-fly" zone they didn't say "yes" to.  More defense spending, more bombs, more Bush doctrine (preemptive war against potential enemies).

On patriotism and privacy... no need to worry about your civil rights.  The Patriot Act extension (signed by Obama) isn't enough.  We must take it a step further.  They'd probably endorse McCarthy-like, witchcraft trials to accurately assess and verify civilian patriotism.  More flags, more pledge of allegiance, more god bless America, more overt displays of patriotism for the simple-minded folk.  Obama mocks you for clinging to your bible.  I'll issue a presidential directive - "Clinging has been labeled insufficient.  All Americans must now clutch their bibles."   

On birth control... women should put aspirin between their knees.  How the fuck do people even conjure up this shit?  It's so ludicrous you can't even make it up.  Foster Freeze - Santorum's most recent billionaire sugar daddy.   Sounds like a new blizzard flavor at the Elm Grove DQ.

I guess my overriding point is this... the Republicans painted themselves into a nasty corner back in 2004.  Short term benefit at the expense of the long-term survival.  You can't keep alienating potential voters on every issue imaginable.  Eventually it has to backfire.  That's when the problems start - with extreme divisions during the Republican primary.  Is it any wonder none of the candidates can exceed the 30% popularity threshold?  If you're a "proud" Republican, I'd place the blame squarely at the feet, or possibly gock, of Karl Rove.

In keeping with the teachings of Karl Rove, I think you'll see the Santorum team try to carve up the Jewish Republican electorate.  That's a pretty small niche, but as the Israel/Iran problem continues to escalate, I think it'll be tapped.   Just yesterday, on the main page of the CNN website was an article written by Dan Gilgoff.  Apparently, there's another controversy brewing.  It centers around the Mitt Romney led Mormon Church of Latter Day Saints and their proclivity for baptizing deceased Jewish victims of the Holocaust in 1995.  You'd think nonsense like this would have been settled back in the mid-Clinton administration, but noooo...  all of a sudden it's an issue again.  Why now?  Well, someone wants to fuck with Romney and the Jew-Republican vote as they try to portray Obama as soft on Iran and Romney as not a friend to Israel.  Do you think Gilgoff is a Santorum supporter?  Ya think???  Seriously, if you want to foment Janger (Jewish anger) in the direction of Mitt Romney, what do ya do?  Well... I dunno... well... how about we make the assertion that Romney supports baptizing tortured Holocaust victims.  Ka-Pow!   That's the lowest of blows in the Romney family JEWels.  Fucking brilliant.  I'd roll this one out exclusively for Super Tuesday.   Just when you thought the Mormon issue was subsiding.  I love this sit.  Only in America.  I feel blessed.