Primus & Gogol Bordello, Stage AE, Pittsburgh, May 22, 2012

Ahh, my favorite Primus song.  Now that's a pit.  Unfortunately, I never went to Woodstock during the summer of 1994.  I know several who made the trek.  Most complained about the high cost of bottled water ($4.00) and the overflow of sewage.  Dubbed the excretory rivers, they bore a striking resemblance to the Pittsburgh topographical phenomenon.  Their combined majestic flows all heading in a common direction... a confluence of bodily chunks and fluids slowly amassing toward the much heralded Lake of Shit.

As you can see in the video, I sense a little pent up rage.  Hard to understand why the kids torched the venue as the weekend came to a close.  "Those Damn Blue Collar Tweekers" was the opener in the Burgh, albeit a slightly more muted version.  I'll start from the beginning.

Gig and I hit the Primus show Tuesday night.  We parked up North and hoofed it on down.  You could hear this booming, echoing noise coming from Stage AE.  It was a band called the "Dead Kenny G's."  And the sound literally seemed to bounce off Heinz Field (when I say "field" I'm referring to the stadium's concrete and steel).  Although they were difficult to make sense of, I'm assuming they performed inspired thrash/punk versions of Kenny G songs.  "There's good and there's not good...  this is not good." (Hesh from the Sopranos)

So while everyone was heading in to the show, we made a loop around the parking lot.  We were accosted by a random, rocking dolt that screamed "Let's Go Bucs."  The older I get, the more concert attendees seem to assume I'm going to the Pirates game.  A fair assumption because we were planning to hit both.  We took a seat on the Honus Wagner statue and tried to acquire a couple freebies.  No such luck.  The only person who seemed willing to engage in conversation was a bum that pestered me a few times.

We gave up after about 10 minutes and continued our loop around PNC.  Walking along the river, we witnessed a shirtless yinzer arguing with an overprotective goose shielding her youngins.  This freckled, nipple-pierced dufus physically nudged the goose into the river as some of his gang applauded.  The others remained "heroin-indifferent."  Further down, we stopped to watch a family of 4 mini-ducklings and their parents along a makeshift ramp.  2 other ducks ventured onto the scene and tried to basically abduct the kids.  It was like watching a real-world, breaking news Fox update.  But the duck baby momma and duck baby daddy took to the air and chased them off.  Honestly, it was reminiscent from a scene outta Top Gun circa 1985.  After the 2 minute air show, the duck family was successfully reunited.  Huzzah.

From outside Stage AE, we could hear the continuous din of a band called Gogol Bordello.  Apparently this band has been around for a decade.  They're termed a bunch of Eastern European gypsies from Manhattan, New York.  Loosely translated, their name implies a dramatic whorehouse.  And that's kind of what they sounded like.  Actually, if you've ever been to an orthodox Bar Mitzvah on acid...  I think that's a more apt description.  Better yet, how about a set of Jew-twins (J-twins) having multiple Bar Mitzvahs.  For speculation sake, let's call them "Moil" and "Turmoil."  Their nauseating sound just never seemed to conclude.  Just when you think a song was over, they would bust out another joyous refrain.  L'Chaim!  Better yet, oy vey.   They reminded me of one of those atrocious emo/ska concoctions.  I cannot, in good conscience, call this thing a rock band.  Honestly, who the fuck listens to this shit?  And more seriously, why would Les Claypool have them open up?  I do not have the answers.  All I can say is... thank god we stayed outside where the noise was still patently offensive and borderline intolerable.  They should use Gogol Bordello as a musically invasive weapon at Guantanamo.  Cast aside the stress positions and sleep denial.  Just crank up the Yiddush nonsense.

We made our way in and Primus hit the stage.  Of course it was bad ass.  I don't have a ticket from the last time I saw them.  Back in the late 90's, me, Jess and AJ ventured to the "Beaverdome" at the Beaver County Community College about 20 minutes north of Pittsburgh.  While those two bought tickets at the entrance, I just walked on in.  That left them both a little pissed off.  Great show though in a highly unusual setting (a mammoth spherical gymnasium).  Seriously, where else can you hear Wynona's Big Brown Beaver, other than an actual Beaverdome.  AJ drove the famed Passport that night and I'll never forget us driving down National Road.  As we made it back to Wheeling, an idiot busted out of the TJ's parking lot.  AJ successfully swerved out of the way in a Bristol split second.  This was back in their pre-stop light days.  Nowadays, things have markedly changed.  TJ's has a stop light and really bad food.  Kudos.

Thankfully, he played Wynona's Big Brown Beaver Tuesday night.  All in all, I really liked the brief set list.

• 1. Those Damned Blue-Collar Tweekers
  2. Moron TV
  3. American Life
  4. Over the Falls
     (Les and Ler talked to the crowd)
  5. Lee Van Cleef
  6. Mr. Krinkle
  7. Jilly's on Smack (killer version from Bonnaroo 2011) 
  8. Wynona's Big Brown Beaver
  9. Eyes of the Squirrel
  10. Bob
  11. My Name Is Mud
  12. Jerry Was a Race Car Driver
  13. Encore:
  13. Too Many Puppies

Gigi made an attempt to secure a hard copy of the set list but was quickly rejected.  One of their newer tunes "Jilly's on Smack" is some good shit.  She won't be coming back... for the HOLIDAYYYYY.   Now that's some damn fine lyrical content.  Last chance to click on it.

It's hard to find fault with 48 year old Les Claypool.  He has cemented his position in rock'n'roll.  A total original.  How could anyone even muster an attempt to rip him off?  They'd surely be viewed as a joke.  

We bolted right before the encore.  As the crowd chanted "Primus Sucks" everything seemed to come full circle.  I know it's a term of endearment, but I think this rallying cry would be better suited for the Gogular Bordellish fans.