Thursday, November 05, 2009

Broadview/Brinks Home Security

Has anyone seen these new home security system commercials? They really take it to another level. In the middle of the afternoon in an upscale neighborhood, a mom and her daughter finish playing in the yard. As they enter the house, she asks her daughter if she wants a snack. Then, she adeptly activates the alarm code. This turns out to be a wise move as a nearby "runner" is passively tying his sneakers. Then, with no warning, the guy charges the front door and does a flying karate kick. The door busts open. As the alarm goes off, the mom and daughter start screaming and the crazed maniac intruder vanishes off into the distance.

"Brinks Home Security, this is John. Is everything ok?"
The panicky mom replies, "No, someone just tried to break in!"
John calmly informs her, "Don't worry ma'am. We're sending help right now."

Alright, praise the lord, the alarm system did its job. However, this commercial asked more questions then it answers. First, is this a normal mode of entry for an intruder - a flying crane kick straight out of Karate Kid Part II? I assume this guy's motivation is not robbery. I'm guessing he wants to rape the mom while the daughter is forced to watch. Either that or kill both of them. If he wanted to rob the house, I doubt he'd use such brash tactics in pure daylight.
I'm also wondering how a strong door like that just gets smashed to smithereens. If I tried to kick in my front door, I doubt it would easily break apart in one fail swoop. Also, is it normal to activate the alarm EVERYTIME you enter your home. I thought you just activate these things at night or when you go on vacation.
Our house was robbed a couple times when I was young. One time, we came back from a vacation and a bunch of stuff was stolen. The bastard took stuff from everyone except me. As a 6 year old, I felt left out so I went up to my room and threw clothing everywhere. Then, I came down to the kitchen and said, "They did a number on me too." I don't think my mother or father were amused. The robber also took a massive shit in the garage. As we surveyed the poop scene/crime scene, it left an indelible image in my head. I'll never forget the cop (Wheeling's version of Inspector Detector) saying, "Yeah, defecation is common. It's the adrenalin. When you gotta go, you gotta go." I even remember asking the cop if they were going to take the poop to the lab and have it analyzed. I remember my father telling me I should clean up the shit and then straighten up my room.
After this whole fiasco, we got an alarm system right before our next family vacation. It was a motion sensor with an incredibly loud alarm. Anyway, dad pretended to reenact the movements of the newspaper boy and sure enough, the thing starts blaring at 7am, waking up the whole neighborhood. We ended up disconnecting the thing and just left this bullhorn contraption attached to the house. We were never robbed again. The bullhorn looked rather menacing but was never hooked up. Turns out it was an effective deterrent.
My point is that Brinks really ups the ante. I've never seen home security commercials push it to this level of fear mongering. I think rather than spend god knows what on an alarm system, installation fee and yearly security payment, maybe it would be best to just attach one of these bullhorn devices in a prominent position. Or maybe just get a little sticker for the front door. Of course, the sticker probably wouldn't deter a mass murderer/rapist.
I'm kind of surprised the Brinks commercial didn't go with a black intruder. I'm sure their marketing team discussed it but didn't want to cause a firestorm. Really though, if you're going all out, why not play the race card?
There's another Brinks commercial where a couple get done with their date. The woman informs him, "I just got out of a bad relationship and want to take it slow." The man nods in agreement. They shake hands and he quietly departs. Then, all of a sudden, the guy's back and pissed off. He violently smashes through the glass door and tries to turn the knob. Fortunately, the alarm scares him off. Wow, this guy had a major shift in attitude. What the hell provoked him anyway? He seemed fine but then instantly turned psychotic.
I'm from small town America and live in an isolated location, but I'm just not familiar with any of these crazed maniacal intruders. These Brinks commercials would make for a fantastic parody on the internet. Could be a big a hit, like the Snuggie one.


slosh said...

A Brinks alarm system isn't going to deter the zombies that will descend upon your house when the (zombie)apocalypse comes.

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