Tuesday, November 10, 2009

cell phone noise

I just came up with an idea. And here it is.
Consider the following scenario. Steelers are at home next week. They're up 20 to 14 on the Cincinnati Bengals (gay/lame). It's late in the fourth quarter/2 minute warning and the Bengals have the ball in the red zone w/ no time outs. Everyone at Heinz Field is making as much noise as humanly possible. The whistling, the screaming, the yelling, the cursing - here's my idea...
Why doesn't everyone in the entire fucking stadium blare the ringer on their cell phone at maximum volume? This could emerge as the most insanely annoying fad of the decade and beyond. It would certainly increase the overall noise traffic. I'm not an expert on sound logistics but if you've got 65,000 blaring phones, that's a big deal. And there's no way you'd overload the network because you're not dialing numbers. You're just hitting the volume thing/ringer button.
I remember in the late 1990's when the Minnesota Vikings got busted for piping in additional crowd noise through their speakers at the Hubert Humphrey Metrodome. I think the NFL fined the organization and the matter pretty much resolved itself.

Can you fathom the impact? Carson Palmer's back there trying to call audibles and he's overwhelmed by this crazed random blur of electronic noise.
The question is - how do you encourage an entire stadium to act like a bunch of moronic cell phone blaring fuckheads? Maybe if a player or coach were to accidentally let the idea slip in a press conference. I suppose you could encourage fans to blare their phones via the widescreen. Not sure how well that would go over with the NFL front office though. My point - once this precedent has been established, it would be incredibly difficult to undo. All sports and stadiums of all sizes could apply. I imagine the effect in dome stadiums would be near unbearable.

Let us pray this whole thing never happens. If I were responsible for introducing this calamitous shitstorm of noise to the sports world, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

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