cedar point

Gig and I went to Cedar Point on Thursday. Well, actually I picked her up when she got off work Wednesday night. We rolled out of the Burgh around 11:45pm and showed up in Sandusky at around 3:30am. We got foolishly sidetracked for about 30 minutes near Oberlin, OH (my brother Bennett's old stomping grounds). Anyway, we made it to a horribly musty, albeit dirt cheap Motel 6 and crashed out. Gig "turned on" the AC which didn't offer too much comfort. I had a lot of trouble sleeping. When we woke up the next morning I quickly discovered why. She turned down the thermostat which was good. But she never clicked on the necessary "cold" lever... which was bad.

So we scarfed down some coffee and nearby McDonalds and headed toward the park. Even though we didn't get much sleep, it was definitely a good idea to get all the driving out of the way. Gig had managed to score an extra 4 general admission tix which I was very pleased to convert into $125. A nice bonus which would call for a hotel upgrade later that evening. And trust me, the extra $10 spent on the EconoLodge was well worth it - vastly more pleasant accommodations.

Regardless, we had a BLAST at Cedar Point. It's definitely the roller coaster capitol of the world! OMG, the rides were so fast and the cotton candy was soooo sticky! Even though I thought it was a bad idea, Gig had a yummy corn dog. Mmmmm. We had the best time ever! If you're ever thinking about going to Cedar Point, DO IT like Nike!

Okay. Relax. If you know me, you're well aware of the fact that I don't act or talk like this. Instead if you continue reading, you will receive a more accurate, thorough analysis of our day at the park. First off, the park was completely deserted. I've been there a total of 3 times. Once, when I was about 8 years old with the family. Then, once in high school with some guys. And Jenn and I went back in 2000 (very cold weather) and hit a DMB show in Cleveland. As I said, the park was virtually empty. You know how you see those signs that say "Wait time approx. 1 hour" and those labyrinths of aluminum bars with ethnically challenged park-goers? Well, none of that even remotely existed. We could hop on coasters basically at will. On a few occasions they asked if we wanted to stay on. There was ONE time we waited for about 20 minutes. We discussed why nobody was there and attributed it to 3 factors:

1) Timing - we went on a weekday, the Thursday immediately before Labor Day weekend. Who the hell plans an excursion on that day when almost everyone has already made extensive plans for the holiday weekend.

2) Almost all teenagers, high school and college kids have just started back to school and are getting acclimated to the new schedule.

3) I'd say the overall economic recession may have played a role. The $45 entrance fee is a pretty good deal but if you have a van of churchies from Troy, Ohio or rural Michigan, it's gonna add up.

The weather was hot but not unbearable. I'd say it was mostly about 90 and throw in some humidity. My whole point regarding planning a visit. If your sole purpose is cramming in as many rides as possible, you'd be an absolute fool to go there on the weekend or during the peak summer months.

I'll now provide a ride by ride description. I'll start with my favorites and proceed in declining order to the worst rides. This way, if you read my entire entry, you'll be left with a hostile, empty feeling at the end. Enjoy.

We ONLY rode the coasters. We could have done them all but for some reason, I had a weird vibe regarding the Mean Streak. These kids said it was really shaky and I still have my finger cast on. Kind of a bummer because my hand was sweaty and I feared it falling off. That's the only one we omitted.

Millenium Force - this was the greatest coaster ride of a lifetime. No kidding. Pure exhilaration and completely smooth. The initial drop is indescribable. I can see why it's ranked as one of the best on the planet. We rode it 3 times. Each wait was about 6 minutes. Honestly, I could have done this one a few more but we didn't want to get stuck in that corner of the park.

Raptor - we rode it twice. Also completely bad ass. Great feeling with your feet dangling in the air. Some really powerful twists and turns but very little head jostling, until the end where for some stupid reason they shake the hell out of you. Why they do this at the last possible second, I have no idea. Kind of ruins a killer ride. Wait time was a joke. It took more time to get through the maze of bars.

Iron Dragon - We rode this thing 4 times. No line. I liked it but strongly encourage you to sit in the front. When we were in the back, it was a little nauseating. Sure enough, on the last time someone puked all over the place so we had to wait about 10 minutes suspended at the exit, as they meticulously hosed out the carrier. I can't recall the last time I heard random children repeatedly say the word "barf" with such a joyful glee.

Top Thrill Dragster - This thing is a fucking rush! I think it goes 120mph and shoots you up, kind of sideways corkscrews you and then sends you down. Before send off, I was told to tuck my prescription sunglasses into my t-shirt. We shot up and then on the way down, they flew directly out of my midsection. Everyone else is screaming and all I could think was FUCK. This temporarily really fucked with me due to the fact that I'm completely fucking blind. Anyway, Gig walked me back to the car and we had a healthful bite to eat (non-amusement food) but so much better. Possibly the most satisfying can of coke I've ever drank.
Anyway, I was compelled to find my sunglasses which flew off who knows where. Long story short, I jumped the fence and started searching. We had a few other encounters with people who had lost shit on this ride. Apparently, it's a recurring problem. So someone ratted us out and the Cedar Point goon/pig squad showed up. He was pretty cool about me entering the restricted area and I was unusually cooperative. So he whips out this silly memo pad and needs to file a report. I give my name as Eric (Fuckface) Adel and offered his address, but the other stuff was mostly factual, except for my phone number. They ended up just sending us on our way and I eventually filled out a lost and found claim but have very little hope of ever getting them back. I'd assume they're destroyed but you never know. All in all, what's an amusement park journey without a standard encounter with "the law?" Kind of like being reprimanded for dancing "too close together" at a 5th grade Sadie Hawkins.

Gemini - We only rode it once. No wait. This is one of the old school coasters. Very smooth. I could have done it a few more times but it was later in the day and we were getting exhausted. Seriously, when you ride these things "at will" it gets a little fatiguing. You expend a lot of energy just hanging on.

Blue Streak - I lost my "Radiator Works" ballcap on this rickety coaster built probably in 1918. I thought it was going to basically be a kiddie ride but it did have a little umphhh. So I lost my sunglasses AND ballcap now - kind of disturbing because I could really use a haircut. Instead, I'd end up better blending in with the weirdo hair styles and earlobe disc freaks with schwastika tattoos on their foreheads. No big deal. Long overdue, I suppose.

Corkscrew - we did it twice. No wait. The second time, I think there was 6 of us on it. Smooth, fun ride.

Wildcat - This was the kiddie roller coaster and the first one we hit. Kind of jerky, a little bit lame/wuss-oriented. Wait time about a surprising 7 minutes.

Magnum XL-200 - This was a long 2+ minute ride. It would have been such a better ride if they incorporated a shoulder restraint. Instead you spend the whole ride trying to brace your midsection and groinal area from ramming into the iron lap bar. It's a great ride but completely ruined by the lack of an appropriate harness.

Maverick - This was the longest wait. Probably about 25 minutes. I was completely unprepared for this ride's antisemitic views toward atheist Jews. Very hostile ride. It even takes you through 2 pitch black tunnels and screams at you while emitting a vicious blast of heat. How the fuck is that fun? Seriously, it felt like I was having dinner with Jerry Falwell, Mahmoud Al Abbas, Osama Bin Laden and Benny Hinn. Gig liked it. I thought it was a punishing experience. And the whole time I thought my finger cast would fly off. Not even remotely fun. Probably had the best trinket/gift shop though.

Mantis - And my all-time least favorite coaster was the stand-up Mantis. Now I remember... it's the one Jenn called the crotch-rocket. No line whatsoever. This thing is an engineering marvel. A rare stand-up coaster that has probably ruptured the previously thought in-tact hymens of the 70 some virgins that any suicidal car bombing Muslim would expect to encounter when they meet up with Allah... This coaster SUCKS! You have to spend the entire time trying to keep your head still. The thing finally ends and you're overcome with feelings of rage and resentment. How the fuck could someone design and build this monstrosity and be so completely disinterested in the enjoyment factor. Really, it boggles my mind.

I think I got them all. I don't remember riding the Matterhorn. We might have skipped that one too. We did a few other silly things but our sole emphasis was coasters. No water rides although it might have been nice early on because of the heat.

All in all, a very enjoyable trip. A little exhausting and frustrating (with losing the glasses), but I need some new ones anyway. I've been putting it off for way too long. Oh yeah... and the next day we saw Alice Cooper at a minor league ballpark in Eastlake, Ohio on the way back home. This one will put the "worthy" in blogworthiness. As of now though, I'm all typed out.