Friday, December 02, 2011

How Ginrgich could terminate Romney

A month ago I devised of a way to destroy the Mitt Romney campaign (preferably in Iowa).  While I still think my idea has merit (the busload of ethnically diverse supporters accidentally filmed at all the Romney campaign stops), I surmised a much easier way.  Everyone seems to agree that it's all coming down to Romney and Gingrich.  I suppose Ron Paul will place somewhere in Iowa caucus contention (probably 3rd), but all the others are generally viewed as a joke.

Santorum - rigorous, valiant campaigner, but no cash
Bachmann - an absolute joke except to her immediate family and the Palin offspring.
Cain - I think he'll withdraw tomorrow.  Never had a real campaign.  Won't fare well in Iowa anyway.
Huntsman - just can't seem to break out past the 2% threshold
Perry - has money, but is the biggest rodeo clown of them all.  Just not ready for the grand stage.  Kind of shocked he was able to rise to the level of governor of a major state (even in a state filled of Texanic yokels)

So it will likely be Romney vs. Gingrich.  I think all the candidates know one immutable fact.  NONE of them will be selected for the veep slot if Romney gets the nomination.  Romney wants nothing to do with any of them for the same basic reasons their campaigns have failed.  He'll likely choose someone like Marco Rubio (FL) or maybe Portman (OH) - for help in a crucial swing state.  Or go with a respected outsider like John Thune (R- South Dakota).  Gingrich obviously knows this, so he'll likely go for blood.  Mormon blood!  I think that's a dark shade of lavender.  Others have tried to knock off Mitt and failed miserably.  Rick Perry worked the illegal immigrant angle - Romney employed a contractor to do some landscaping work (totally fucking weak).  Even worse, Perry couldn't finish the hatchet job.  It's sad when you memorize your own attack lines and end up looking like the fool.  Perry is real-life microcosm of the movie JackAss.

Anyway, how to besmirch Romney or make him suddenly lose front-runner status...
Let's start by putting out the following premise we can all agree on.  Republican primary voters can't stand Obama.  This is something we can all take for granted.  Gingrich should try and make Romney look like Obama.  Draw the parallel.  How can he do this... portray him as the fundraiser-in-chief, just like Obama (the campaigner-in-chief, not doing the job, etc. blah).  This would overshadow any of the picayune policy positions.  He could say, "Look this guy has been campaigning for the presidency for the past 8 years.  Do we really want MORE OF THE SAME, or will you trust your gut and try something different."  Although Newt's a total Washington insider, this puts Romney on the defensive.  It bodes well for the attack style of Gingrich.  Hell, the guy has no shame, doesn't care if anyone thinks he's a hypocrite - so why not go all out?  The question is how and when....

Anf here's the answer.  You don't just make the assertion, you offer up tangible proof.   Ever since McCain disposed of Romney in the 2008 primary, Romney has been buying up airtime on every cable network.  Does anyone remember all those "I'm your neighbor, I'm your dentist, I'm your teacher, I'm your anaesthesiologist when you got that colonoscopy, and I'm a Mormon commercials?"  They've ran fucking non-stop for years... then mysteriously they came to an end.  Well, they just didn't suddenly disappear...  they morphed into the Foundation for a Better Life commercials.  Now, it's these ones that play ad nauseum.  WHY?  Because the Romneyites were trying to raise the comfort level among Republican primary voters (nationwide, but particularly in Iowa and South Carolina which is an absolute necessity).  Subconsciously blend the ad campaigns.  This is our best shot.  It should dim the wits of the already dimwitted Fox viewers. 

So here's what Sir Gingrich Newton should do.  During the next high profile debate, he should directly call out the Romnathon.  "Listen Mitt, we all know that these endless Foundation For a Better Life commercials are part of a larger, slicker campaign strategy to put you in the White House.  The American people are TIRED of all this bait-and-switch maneuvering.  We already got plenty of that with the Obama "hope and change" campaign.  Look where that got us.  Now, you're the one trying to pull a fast one on the American people.  The voters want someone who can do the job, not a "window-washer trying to exploit the gullibility of the masses.  If you select me, you'll get a REAL candidate.  If you choose Mitt, you'll get another empty campaigner, devoid of anything SUBSTANTIVE.  It's up to the voters.

But here's the clincher.  After figNewton launches this offensive, he should call on Romney (face to face) to stop running all those Foundation advertisements.  This is a big deal because it gives Mitt only 2 viable options - both of which totally suck and destroy his credibility.  Both are lose-lose.  If he withdraws all the ads, it makes him Romney look like a total chump.  Hey, did you see how Newt called him out on the ads and Romney buckled - what a fucking pussy!  We'd be fools to nominate that phony.  But even better, Mitt probably cannot withdraw the ads (due to contractual obligations with the networks).  This scenario is worse because Newt has tied him to a deceptive, untrustworthy strategy.  And what's the fundamental reason Romney can't get over the 25% hurdle with Repub primary voters...  They don't trust him to be a "classic conservative" - they all think he's a flip-flopper.

So let's say, the Foundation ads continue unabated - it becomes this endless, incessant reminder of how Mitt tried to pull a fast one on the American public - the ultimate loser scenario for Mitt.  That's what's so brilliant - Romney loses either way.  There's no snappy comeback for this one.  And I doubt he's prepared to address the matter.  Odd, because Mitt has an answer for everything.  Mitt really is... the shit.

And if I were as evil as Newt (I'm not, but let's say hypothetically I was), I would make it a point to laughingly bring up that infamous, imbecilic basketball commercial.  This is the one where the kid tells the coach he "touched the ball on its way out of bounds."  Everyone has seen this commercial and when Newt calmly explains that it doesn't make any sense because the ref ALREADY made the call, the audience would erupt in laughter.  Newt should say, "Only Mitt Romney would find comfort and justification in a referee illegally flip-flopping on an out-of-bounds call that has already been made."  Then, Newt should go in for the kill and explain, "I hate to sound condescending, but the irony is really overwhelming.  Out of all of them, I think Mitt probably produced that one.  He's very hands on.  After all the kid did touch the ball when it went out of bands.  See, there's the proof."

But this is really powerful, because it destroys Mitt on credibility, not policy.  Then Newt can go in for the kill with some long-winded discussions about foreign and domestic positions.   I think that's the way you annihilate Romney - you turn him into a joke.  Nobody wants to be affiliated with the joke-of-a-candidate.  Everyone can accept some differing opinions on climate change, varying degrees of tax cuts, maybe even abortion.  But absolutely nobody wants to align themselves with the town idiot.  Especially in a caucus-style setting where everyone in the room sees who you're pulling for.

So when do you pull off this stunt.  Well, they just announced that Donald Trump (my favorite douchebag to the dumbshits) will be moderating the Dec. 27 debate in Iowa.  What better a time to deliver a crushing deathblow?  Romney will be playing total defense as usual.  Gingrich comes in and smothers Mitt with his gock (for those who don't know, that's a combination of gut and cock).  Romney has no time to launch a counteroffensive and his campaign gets seriously hampered heading into New Hampshire.  Gingrich vaults into second place in NH - doesn't matter how bad Romney beats him if he places second.  Then, it's onto South Carolina where the backwoods, Jesus freaks are terrified of a Mormon.  Gingrich wins again.  2 out of 3 should do it. 

Please keep in mind, I think all the Republican candidates (with the exception of Ron Paul) are totally excrementilicious.  That might sound like a ringing endorsement, but trust me, it means they're all joyful, heralded piles of excrement (aka shit).  I'll be voting for Obama.  And the real irony of me writing this particular blog, if it has to be a Republican in the White House, I'd feel much more comfortable with Romney.  Romney's a phony but Gingrich is pure evil.

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