Sunday, December 25, 2011


I went for an interception yesterday in Gold Lot 6 before the Rams game.  The end result was me biting the dust, or in this case, asphalt.  A banged up knee bone and a sore chest.  I could be hobbled for a while.  But as expected, free tickets were plentiful.  Tons of no-shows.  Attendance rolled in at 60,081.  That's 5,419 no-shows.  Way to go Steeler Nation.  I wonder how many will bail on the Ravens at Bengals next week.   I'm a little torn on that one.  Of course I want the Ravens to lose and Pixburgh to secure the #2 or even #1 seed (doubtful as the Bills would have to beat the Patriots).  But the thought of Cincy losing a heartbreaker has a certain appeal.  I wouldn't mind going to Cleveland Stadium next week.  Surprisingly, I've never been there.

Nevertheless, I came up with an unusual idea last night.  As I gazed at Gig's Christmas tree, it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks.  Pornaments.  That's right.  With the mainstream acceptance of pornography coinciding with the disdain, rejection and demise of organized religion, this could be a huge hit.  Most of those adult video companies sign their female stars to long-term contracts.  Why not have miniaturized porn action figures, or in this case Christmas tree pornaments?  The porn stars would embrace the self promotion and I'm sure there are a slew of weirdos out there who would eagerly display the shit.  I'm not even going to bother addressing the notion of cast moldings and poses.  Suffice to say, they would all have functional, moving parts.  You could even sell accessories with them - mini-lingerie and sadomasochistic stuff (whips, chains, masks, etc).  The possibilities are endless.

Back in the mid 90's, me and Alex hung an inverted Christmas tree from the ceiling and decorated it with empty beer cans, ticket stubs and misc. crap.  The tip of the tree was suspended just an inch from the floor.  Ohhh, happy day.  Holy night.  Whatever.  Anyway, it received rave reviews.  That same year we were gifted an assortment of Peeps.  Peeps are those disgusting sugar-dyed marshmallow hen-like animals.  We removed from the container and tacked some of them to the wall.  Then we proceeded to throw darts at them.  This made for some weak entertainment.  Regrettably, the woman who kindly made us the candy assortment saw what we had done with her beloved Peeps.  She was not amused.  In fact, she was completely disgusted with both of us.  Honestly, were we really expected to consume them?

Anyway, the time is right for pornaments.  You could really draw the ire from social conservatives in an election year, thus greatly enhancing the concept.  Seriously, it's a win-win.

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