Oddly enough, my previous blog (Jerry Sandusky warped "Seinfeld adaptation" humor) has received a good deal of hits. Likely due to the fact that his trial is underway on the national news circuit. Personally, I enjoy this more nuanced type of sick humor, but I realize the general public needs things a little more spelled out. Since it's so irrevocably difficult to maintain the attention span of Mr. & Mrs. John Q America, I came up with another list. As you might expect, this one is even worse.
Sooo... before he gets thrown in the federal penitentiary, I give you the first ever "Jerry Sandusky Bucket List."
10) Enter Coney Island hot dog eating contest. Practice makes perfect.
9) Secure a cashier position with Bed, Bath & Beyond specializing in sales of "Soap on a Rope" and "Mr. Bubble."
8) Obtain street cred among the youth with thug nickname Jerry "Jer-Bear" Sandusky.
7) Market an improved line of Grecian Formula specifically tailored for elder pubic zones.
6) Install multiple signs at Happy Valley that read "Parking in the rear."
5) Audition for the starring role in the comeback of "Leave it to Beaver" as the 1950's series returns to national prominence.
4) Compose reggae-infused chart topping hit "I put the poke in Poke Mon."
3) Move to Idaho and run for Senate as a Republican. Campaign slogan "Drop your pants cuz I gotta wide stance" becomes a rallying cry in the hearts and minds of the rural, Catholic hierarchy.
2) Devise entirely new, stunning, aquatic-based format for ABC's "Dancing With the Stars."
1) Design new line of Boy Scouts all-purpose outerwear. The theme... "Catholic priests are soooo 20th century. There's a new sheriff in town. First name Jerry. Last name Sandusky."