Thursday, November 21, 2013

Slayer - Stage AE, Pittsburgh (11-20-13)

An excerpt from the chapter 5 intro of my autobiography:

"As far as thinking about death and murder and various ways of killing people and how people die... I probably have the most twisted mind in Slayer." - Tom Araya

"Intangible weapons will not bode well for the nation-state." - sonofsaf

So here's a rhetorical question.  What do you do when the baddest, meanest, most ferocious rock and roll band is within an hour of your residence?

A.  Stay inside and watch one of those American Idol singalong shows.
B.  Head to the 19th Ho and watch the Pens game.
C.  Go see them.

Well the answer my friend, is blowin' in the wind.  Make that an engulfing, fog-like smoky wind spewing from Stage AE.  Jepsonian told me it would be an "old-school" set list.  I resisted the temptation to research it because I like to go in fresh (skip to the 1:25 mark).

Turns out he was right.
  1. (Exodus cover)
  2. Encore:
  3. Angel of Death
I was amply rewarded for going in fresh.  Highlights for me --- too numerous to mention. 

Yep, Slayer came to town last night.  Larry C. refers to them as "consummate professionals."  I've always liked that term when referencing the planet's ultimate heavy metal band.

Fascinating to watch how this band has progressed through the ages.  Hell, this guy is 52 years old.  I may have been hallucinating, but he briefly turned his head and smiled at me last night.  Well, at least in my direction.

I snagged a spot on the front rail directly below this guy.

He looked at me too, but didn't smile.

The crowd was incredibly respectful.  I think the older metal fans have a better understanding of boundary issues.  I for one, have a deep appreciation for those who "choose NOT to involuntarily impose their profusely sweat-filled existence upon the masses."  I used to refer to this as "Manisweat Destiny."

Sure, I got bumped and nudged a couple times, but nothing compared to how it used to be.  In a weird kind of way, the Hall & Oates crowd was less restrained and obnoxious.  Very difficult to explain this.  You just have to take my word for it.

It may sound silly, but seeing Slayer restored my faith in humanity.  These days it's all about vocals and dancing and costumes.  And of course it all comes neatly packaged with a story of how some shy introvert overcame Type 2 diabetes, homelessness and drug addiction.  And he has that same Justin Beiber sculpted haircut, twerking in unison, throwing out lollipops to the screaming imbeciles.  I almost forgot.  He pulled up in a limo and was wearing a $10,000 jean jacket designed by some famous Frenchie!  With ruby red sequins and a giant pink heart backpatch. 

While I'm scrambling to find the puke bucket, everyone else in the room is clamoring, "Ohhh, she's so talented!  Her voice is incredible.  And she's been through so much!  And she has such poise for someone her age.  And she's so funny too!  She just said her biggest hope and dream is that they bring back McRib!  What a hoot!  That's why you gotta love her!"  That is the routine depth of the conversation.  It's prolonged agony is... well, in a word... agonizing.

What happened last night was the exact opposite.  A confident rock'n'roll band (that recently lost their rhythm guitarist to complications stemming from a spider bite - seriously, what the fuck is that?) playing music that was almost all written over 25 years ago.  Hard to believe.  No yapping about how it's great to be back in Pittsburgh.  No discussion of how they have the greatest fans in the world.  No preaching.  No nonsense.  No games.  No gimmicks.  Just a straight up rock concert.

Come to think of it, maybe I'm somehow the anti-embodiment of the earlier crap I was describing.  Maybe I've become "bizarro Saffy."  I stood nearly motionless the entire show.  My attire --- jeans and an 84 Lumber windbreaker.  My beverage --- a water bottle filled with Lucky Duck Tempranillo (the best of the cheap red wines - $4.97 at Walmart).   No limo either... but I did get to ride in the backseat of Jepson's Pontiac Vibe.  And I've recently experienced multiple life setbacks as well.

Cocksucker!  Yep - I mistakenly purchased the wrong Ocean Spray juice AND the wrong kind of tuna fish.  I got the DIET shit by accident and the tuna soaked in vegetable oil.  I think I'm going to return the tuna. 

Come to think of it, maybe I'm the one with the problem.


Chrisagiphiliac said...

I believe #3 was actually Necrophiliac or possibly Chrisagiphiliac. What of new addition Gary Holt and the return of Paul Bostaph?

sonofsaf said...

I like the concept of a "Chrisagiphiliac" --- the notion that some people could have an adverse physical reaction to the presence of the Chrisagii.

I saw Shawn at church and I broke out in hives.
I bumped in Brian at the grocery store and got a horrible case of the hiccups.

Psychosomatic you claim? Fuck that.