Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Mehlman's Cafeteria

Some claim that Mehlman's smells like old people. Indeed. The average customers age is probably about 53. However, if you get there for the early dinner rush at 3:45pm, the median age jumps to 88. Interesting discrepancy.
Mehlman's is probably the most profitable restaurant in the entire area. The place is always jam-packed except on Mondays when it closes its doors to the elderly people of Belmont County.
Sometimes a local bar is referred to as a pick-up joint, or meat market, if you will. Mehlman's is a meat market for the elderly. While this doesn't sound particularly appetizing, it's the truth. If I were an elderly widow, it's gotta be the hottest ticket in town.
Anyway, the food is exceptional. I recommend the stuffed chicken breat, green beans and mashed potatoes - how can you go wrong? My brother was in town a couple years ago with his wife and for some reason, he picked Mehlman's. Needless to say, she had this look of terror when the bearded lady (with daunting sideburns) behind the counter dumped a pile of baked steak on my brother's tray. I think it was the low point of her visit.
Mehlman's can be a bit dangerous. Lots of the elderly, some with varying degrees of mobility and coordination, moving in scattered directions, searching for the optimum seating. This place must seat over 300. Then there's this staff of zooming busboys who carry Motorola 2-way radios in order to communicate. The most dangerous area is right by the cash registers. 2 food lines converge with a takeout line and an ill-placed condiment station. This is where disaster can strike - It kind of resembles the pilgrimage to Mecca where all the Muslims converge and throw rocks at the shrine, or whatever they're throwing rocks at. Isn't it odd how every year, hundreds of people get trampled to death in the Hajj? You'd think that if it's the responsibility of all good Muslims to make the trek, they'd be a bit more responsible, ehhh?
Anyway, Mehlamn's is great. Not a good place to take a date though. Scratch that - if you're 78 years old, it is THE place. By the way, don't get any of that crap in the first segment of the line. It's all cottage cheese goop, lime green jellos and some horrible looking salads. And avoid the roll with butter, as well.


Ren said...

I have a friend who, when she was a little girl, saw an elderly lady pass-out in line in front of her. The poor dear's wig came off and her teeth fell out. This was a horrific shock to my friend as she was little enough to have no idea people could have detachable hair and teeth.

Anonymous said...

Melmans has the best food ever.You must hate your grandparents.Who cares if its packed with the elderly.It's because they are samarter than you and know what good food is.