Monday, January 25, 2010


I've decided to start a new home based business. God damnit! That's right bitches (and to a lesser extent, ho's). This week I'm going to start selling Frigsagii! "What's a Frigsagis?" is more than a mere question. All I can say - the answer lies not in your heart, but on your frig.
Alright, here's a technical schematic. Each Frigsagis will be a 1 foot by 3 feet. They're a random collection of internet pics of Brian and Shawn Chrisagis; thus, each will be unique. Tee Hee, you will like these.
Lately, "how many pictures is in a Frigsagis?" is a question I've been hearing a lot. I'm going to make a commitment here - the average Frigsagis will have absolutely no less than 10 photos! I'm considering hiring a quality assurance control specialist.
All come nicely framed in a plexiglass sheet composite w/ magnetic backing. The instructions are simple - you buy them from me and slap them on your frig.
How much will they cost? I'm opting for a variable cost pricing structure.

If I know you and like you - $5.00.
I I know you and I don't like you - $10.00.
If I don't know you and I like you - $5.00.
If I don't know you and I don't like you - $10.00.

Here's a question recently posed by a young, balding Krishna, "Saf, can I get a black and white Frigsagis? Kind of a vintage, retrosagis? How much more would that cost?" Listen here you hippie stank, it's a little too soon to fill custom orders.

You know what? I'm just going to answer all the relevant questions.

Q: Do you ship outside the continental United States?
A: No, I don't ship anywhere. You can only purchase them from the library gift shop.

Q: Will Brian and/or Shawn Chrisagis receive any percentage of the net profits?
A: No

Q: Will you consider donating a percentage of the profits to a charitable organization?
A: Yes. 20% of all net profits will donated to the FFRF (Freedom from Religion Foundation). As a lifetime member, I'm proud to make this donation. The FFRF is a Wisconsin based organization comprised of secular humanists, atheists, agnostics and free thinkers who heavily value the separation of church and state.

Q: Where will you advertise? Saf, how much is that going to cost ya?
A: Well, I'll probably advertise from time to time in the facebook comment section. It will always be free and relevant.

Q: Will you ever modify your strict sales location approach?
A: Yes. If the business takes off, I might sell them out of the back of my Subaru hatch in the parking lot of the 19th HO.

Q: Is there a discount if I buy multiple Frigsagises?
A: First off, the plural of Frisagises is Frigsagii. And yes, I'm considering a modest discount on any evil holiday (such as Halloween) or whenever there's a significant religious inspired terrorist attack (perhaps the destruction of a mosque, stampede at the Hajj, pro-lifer bombs an abortion clinic, anything of that nature).

Q: How many Frigsagii do you hope to sell per month?
A: I honestly don't have a clue.

Q: Where will you get this alleged "plexiglass composite" framing?
A: Probably Staples.

Q: Would you be willing to agree with the following statement... A Frigsagis is a gift from above.
A: This would depend on whether or not you live at a higher altitude. For example, if you reside in Erie, Pennsylvania then the answer would be yes. It is indeed a gift from above. However, if you live below, like my neighbor fuckface, than the answer would have to be no, it's not.

If you have any Frigsagis related questions, feel free to inquire in the comment section below.


Anonymous said...

I saw your house from the mountain that is 470 yesterday! I felt like Sarah Palin! I could see your house from 470! Just like Russia!That is beside the point. First, the Frigsagis is such a SAF thing, I can't believe you would would be willing to sell some of your uniqueness! Where is your soul?
Second, any chance of getting a mock up of those two lovely ladies on the fridge? You know, with the breasts spilling out? THAT is the money maker!! You can see Brian and Shawn every time you open the entertainment section of any local newspaper. But those women? Mmmmm MMMPH!!! Stacy

Larry said...

Do you plan on making one that progressively gets darker and hairier? You could also make a collection made from cover photos of the local paper's weekend entertainment insert.

Anonymous said...

Stacy - I'm really enamored with the idea of trying to promote Frigsagii in their facebook comment section. The problem - I get the impression that most of their friends aren't locals. So the actual sales transaction would be problematic.
As far as the breast buddies go, it's an entirely separate issue.

Larry - Great idea with the "darker aspects." Sounds like a concept I'd enjoy exploring. Just because they're always smiling doesn't mean there's inherent elements of darkness.
And yes, I had already planned to occasionally use the newspaper inserts. Keeps it authentic.

Anonymous said...

"Breast Friends" is what I call them...LOL!
The most you can do is try, ask Brian and Shawn if it is OK and do it! If they aren't locals, set up a Paypal account and ship it! You can do this!! Stacy

Anonymous said...

FFRF (Freedom from Religion Foundation)
How about the FFSF?

This anti religion trek is sooooooooooo tired----------you would think you could move on---it should bore even you by now