I've decided to start a new home based business. God damnit! That's right bitches (and to a lesser extent, ho's). This week I'm going to start selling Frigsagii! "What's a Frigsagis?" is more than a mere question. All I can say - the answer lies not in your heart, but on your frig.
Alright, here's a technical schematic. Each Frigsagis will be a 1 foot by 3 feet. They're a random collection of internet pics of Brian and Shawn Chrisagis; thus, each will be unique. Tee Hee, you will like these.
Lately, "how many pictures is in a Frigsagis?" is a question I've been hearing a lot. I'm going to make a commitment here - the average Frigsagis will have absolutely no less than 10 photos! I'm considering hiring a quality assurance control specialist.
All come nicely framed in a plexiglass sheet composite w/ magnetic backing. The instructions are simple - you buy them from me and slap them on your frig.
How much will they cost? I'm opting for a variable cost pricing structure.
If I know you and like you - $5.00.
I I know you and I don't like you - $10.00.
If I don't know you and I like you - $5.00.
If I don't know you and I don't like you - $10.00.
Here's a question recently posed by a young, balding Krishna, "Saf, can I get a black and white Frigsagis? Kind of a vintage, retrosagis? How much more would that cost?" Listen here you hippie stank, it's a little too soon to fill custom orders.
You know what? I'm just going to answer all the relevant questions.
Q: Do you ship outside the continental United States?
A: No, I don't ship anywhere. You can only purchase them from the library gift shop.
Q: Will Brian and/or Shawn Chrisagis receive any percentage of the net profits?
Q: Will you consider donating a percentage of the profits to a charitable organization?
A: Yes. 20% of all net profits will donated to the FFRF (Freedom from Religion Foundation). As a lifetime member, I'm proud to make this donation. The FFRF is a Wisconsin based organization comprised of secular humanists, atheists, agnostics and free thinkers who heavily value the separation of church and state.
Q: Where will you advertise? Saf, how much is that going to cost ya?
A: Well, I'll probably advertise from time to time in the facebook comment section. It will always be free and relevant.
Q: Will you ever modify your strict sales location approach?
A: Yes. If the business takes off, I might sell them out of the back of my Subaru hatch in the parking lot of the 19th HO.
Q: Is there a discount if I buy multiple Frigsagises?
A: First off, the plural of Frisagises is Frigsagii. And yes, I'm considering a modest discount on any evil holiday (such as Halloween) or whenever there's a significant religious inspired terrorist attack (perhaps the destruction of a mosque, stampede at the Hajj, pro-lifer bombs an abortion clinic, anything of that nature).
Q: How many Frigsagii do you hope to sell per month?
A: I honestly don't have a clue.
Q: Where will you get this alleged "plexiglass composite" framing?
A: Probably Staples.
Q: Would you be willing to agree with the following statement... A Frigsagis is a gift from above.
A: This would depend on whether or not you live at a higher altitude. For example, if you reside in Erie, Pennsylvania then the answer would be yes. It is indeed a gift from above. However, if you live below, like my neighbor fuckface, than the answer would have to be no, it's not.
If you have any Frigsagis related questions, feel free to inquire in the comment section below.