Sunday, January 17, 2010

some more e

Another paternity test observation to help celebrate the divisional round of the NFL playoffs. I was watching this irate black woman named Tabitha. She was in the process of testing 2 men to determine who was the father of baby Moneesha. Her dilemma is unusual in that she's 100% sure that one of the two is the father. She's screaming, "Maury, I'm one thousand percent sure that one of these losers is the daddy! They had better step up and be a man. How can THEY deny my baby? Moneesha needs to know who her daddy is!"

What's comical about this is evident. Her broken grammar aside, Tabitha is having extreme difficulty assigning pronouns. "I know who my baby daddy is! It's one of them." Honestly, this is some really funny shit. And Tabitha's on an absolute tirade. Screaming, ranting and raving. Her hostility reaches new heights as Maury welcomes the 2 guys from backstage. Neither are particularly enthusiastic to hear the results. Tabitha is flailing madly and screeching, "Let's find out! Let's find out! Let's find out! Let's find out!" She yelled it five times in a blitzkrieg fashion that would make even the likes of Don Rumsfeld proud. Maury reads the results and sure enough, the second guy is the father. I'm just relieved that Tabitha's journey is over.

Obviously, there's plenty of occasions where women come on the stage and are 1,000 % or 5 million % sure they know who the father is. Lamentably, it takes 5 or 6 return visits. Their guarantees aren't really that amusing. Tabitha's was different though. She broke new ground in assuring the viewing public. She laid out the terms and the unique framework. I will say one thing. We found out! We found out! We found out!

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