Santorum: Heeee's Back!!! (in Steubenville, OH for Super Tuesday)

Would I prefer to see Jack Nicholson?  Yep.  Will I settle for Rick Santorum?  Yep.

Believe it or not, I already went to see Rick Santorum.  Nope... not his recent Feb. 20, 2012 visit to Froelich's Corner Market in Steubenville.  I went to his Wheeling appearance on July 19, 2011 at the Capitol Music Hall ballroom.  Rick made a pleasant luncheon stop in an event sponsored by the local "young" Republicans Club.  I'd say about 150 people showed up.  The crowd was heavily dominated by old timers and hardcore Republican political aspirants.  So it really wasn't that youthful.  Nonetheless, they put out a nice, complimentary spread.  Ham, turkey and roast beef croissants, vegetable/desert trays and some kind of cream based soup.  Suffice to say, I feasted with reckless abandon.  I justified it by thinking... Well, if Santorum's going to try and "suckle at the billion dollar teet of the Nutting" then this non-kosher atheist Jew should be afforded a free ham and swiss sandwich.

And assuming there was a Q&A session, I even had my question ready:


"Mr. Santorum, you are widely regarded for your pro-life stance on abortion issues. Recently, you and 5 other Republican candidates signed the Susan B. Anthony Pledge which specifically calls for selecting only pro-life appointees to RELEVANT Cabinet positions. And you recently expressed dissatisfaction w/ Mitt Romney's decision to not sign the same pledge citing "It is incredibly disappointing that Gov. Romney chose not to defend those who cannot defend themselves."
 
"Based on Romney's refusal to sign this pledge, would that automatically disqualify him from consideration for a Cabinet or Executive Branch position in a Santorum administration? And furthermore, since you regard abortion as a moral issue... does his refusal to sign this pledge make him morally unfit to serve as President of the U.S.?"

I was curious to hear his response.  Wouldn't it have been funny if Santorum was good enough for Romney administration, but not vice-a-versa?  Seriously, I thought my question was strong.  And this was well before Santorum gained any national traction whatsoever.  Regrettably, I didn't get the chance to ask it.  Someone absorbed most of the allotted time with a critique of war-time spending in Iraq.  And that guy really liked to hear himself talk.

All in all, I thought Rick's speech was strong.  He was incredibly personal and focused.  He doesn't come across as Romnified (stiff, aloof and rehearsed).  Note to self: If I hear that "Oh beautiful, for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain" bit just one more time, I may have to kill myself.  Not the usual way either.  I will choose death by sliding down a razor banister while simultaneously chewing on tin foil (Ted Danson, early Cheers episode).  And Rick's content was strong too.  He didn't focus on social issues.  His speech was all about the economy and manufacturing.  And of course the prodigious hands of his grandfather as he lay motionless in a casket - a little bit creepy, but hey, it's Rick Santorum for Christ sake.  Seriously though, he knew how to connect with the audience.  Kudos.

So anyhoo, Santorum has decided to bless Northeastern Ohio with yet another campaign stop.  This one's on Super Tuesday though... so it's a pretty big deal.  Initial reports have him, his vest and his identical, macabre daughter coming to the Steubenville Big Red high school auditorium from between 4pm-10pm.  VERY COOL because I predict his campaign manager thinks this is the perfect spot for an Ohio victory speech.  And I would tend to concur.  It's as close to Pennsylvania as you can git!  Makes sense to me.  As of today, Santorum is actually up a few points in the Ohio polls.  Romney's feeling the heat and will be hitting the state of Ohio full throttle (that means 2 power stops - the first is a private, invite-only $20,000 dinner party at the lavish home of the Cincy Proctor and Gamble CEO and the other destination is at "who the fuck cares - it's Mitt Romney - shut your Mormon face - and while you're at it, go baptize some dead Holocaust victims").  Yep, that's the other place.  So it's doubtful I will be attending either of these.

But if Santorum wins the bell-weather/relatively putrified state of Ohio, I will attend his victory speech.  And I will be handing out FREE copies of my recent Sonofsantorum double cd.  I made it (in a drunken haze) the night he won the 3 Midwest primaries and caucuses (Colorado, Missouri and Minnesota).  I'm finally returning the favor for the free meal compliments of the Ohio County Young Republicans club.  I normally don't publish my sonofcd liner notes, but I'll make an exception... just this once.  Considering what's at stake (the most coveted leadership position on the planet earth), I believe it's appropriate.

Sonofsantorum (shit)

I have mixed emotions about Rick Santorum.  On social issues, he's pretty much the antithesis of my entire existence.  Yet I do admire the guy for campaigning relentlessly and believing in his cause.  Whether I like Rick or not is not really the issue.  I do admire his passion though. 
Technically speaking, anyone who has executed a google search knows that "santorum" is "the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex."  So let's divide this Sonofsantorum" cd into 2 distinct parts - the lighter stuff (the lube disc) and the heavier stuff (the fecal or shit disc).  Enjoy.

What better a way to open a sonofcd than with a bass solo from Metallica's Cliff Burton.  This is from the infamous "Day on the Green" show in 1985 Oakland, CA.   Sorry, I skipped the segue into "For Whom the Bell Tolls."

Instead, I went with the new Black Keys song "Lonely Boy."  Couldn't find a live version.

However, I did find this version of the Rolling Stones classic "Loving Cup" with Mick Jagger and special guest Jack White.  Short but sweet.

And of course, we'll follow it up with "Tumbling Dice" from one of the greatest classic rock bootlegs - 1973 (Brussels, Belgium).

This version of ZZ Top's "Gimme All Your Lovin" is a tribute to the recent Amish beard cuttings in Northeastern Ohio.  It's a little soundboardish but they're still trying to rock.  I give them an "E" for effort.  It's from 2011 -  Austin, Texas.

Here's some recent U2 from the summer of 2011.  Gig and I saw the Heinz Field show which was unusually strong.  Not sure where this version of "Even Better Than The Real Thing" is from, but it's cool because it's The Edge's IEM (in-ear-microphone).  Just something different.

REO Speedwagon's still haunting the county fair and casino junket, but here's a Westwood One national broadcast of "Don't Let Him Go" from 1990.  I really like the energized keyboard solo midway through.  

Remember Joe Satriani's megahit "Crush of Love."  Yep, I forgot all about it.  Here's a radio broadcast of the song from a San Fran benefit near the Golden Gate bridge.  The proceeds went to funding gay marriage ballot propositions 20 years later.  Who would have thunk it?  The song's cool but it kind of drags - Look at us, we are all guitar virtuosos.  Yeah, I get it. 

This is a bad ass cover of Cheap Trick's "Surrender" by my favorite exhibitionist/satanist.  Other than Marilyn Manson, I don't have many of those. 

This was just too bizarre not to throw in.  Helix (they're still around) playing "Rock You" in Peterborough, Ontario in 2011 at the Red Dog Tavern.  I like the prelude of the William Tell overture.  You rarely see that type of riskiness on the big stage.  Or in this case, a jammed 30x60 ft. stage in the corner of a bar.

A great cover of Zeppelin's "Good Times, Bad Times" by Nuclear Assault from 1989.  Not sure where it's from.  Not sure that it would matter.

My favorite REAL trash band (aside from Slayer).  Here's Vio-Lence playing "Kill on Command" from a reunion show in San Fransisco.  Slim's Bar circa 2001 is the setting for this intimate gathering of insanity.  Vio-Lence was easily among the greatest trash bands of the late 80's.  But nobody knew about them.  Now you know. 

I'm still disappointed the Steelers lost in the wildcard round.  I will express my disappointment with this absurdly disturbing cover of Sister Sledge's "We Are Family" performed by the Spice Girls at a 1999 show in London, England.  I wonder which one is blowing the whistle at the beginning?  My best guess is it's Sporty Spice because she always had this athletic/referee thing going on.  I like how one them yells, "Get up!  Last chance to party!!!"  So Saf, who was your favorite Spice Girl?  I find this question purposely misleading.  The correct phrasing... Saf, which Spice Girl do you find the least objectionable?  After a prolonged moment of contemplation... I'd have to say Baby Spice. 


 Sonofsantorum (lube)


The sonofsantorum lube side.  I'll probably take some heat for desecrating Santorum.  Seriously... the youngest child has that rare genetic disorder and she had some recent complications with pneumonia.  Why do I have this horrible hunch that I'll be distributing a bunch of copies just as her condition worsens?  I am honestly cognizant of this but gotta stick to a founding sonofcd principle - almost always go with your first hunch with regard to the naming process.  Believe me, it's all an unpleasant coincidence.   And I'm not like Led Zeppelin.  Led Zeppelin 1, Zeppelin 2, 3, 4... How uninspired is that?  Sonofsaf 1, Sonofsaf 2, Sonofsaf... 46 ???  DON'T GO THERE!

This version of Tony Bennett's "Steppin Out with My Baby" is BBA (beyond bad ass).   Not to be confused with BBO (beyond b.o. - George Costanza).  Fuck it --- this is from London, England on March 10, 2011.  It's his 85th birthday party for cryin' out loud!

And continuing right along with more that constitutes bad ass is this cover of the "Dukes of Hazzard" theme song.... by fucking Weezer.  Nobody can figure out it's them.  Gigi thought it was Creed or some Goo Goo Dolls shit.  Either way, the garage B-side demo-sound really lends itself.

I never heard "Portland, Oregon" by Loretta Lynn and Jack White until very recently.  Never even knew the song existed.  I tried to get the live version off Letterman but lacked the MP3 downloading skills.  Sucked.  I think this song would be a killer candidate for the Monday Night Football theme song.  This is not a joke.  You just sub in different lyrics for the two teams/cities.  I am not joking.  Get a different duo every week - they don't have to be musicians or singers.  Just men and women with historical ties to the city.  It'd be sick.  Regardless, thank god Hank Williams Jr. is out of the mix.  What an annoyance... and his intro sucked, too.

Gigi and like Kanye's "Flashing Lights."  Well... she doesn't like the lights or the flashing part, but we both like the song.  This one's from the VH1 Storytellers program.  Interesting, but it drags a little bit when he gives his "be all you can be" speech.  I don't know specifically what he was saying.  I blocked most of it out.

John Lennon - Mind Games demo. 

Here's a pleasant version of "Faithfully."  Beware!  You may relentlessly swoon.  Seriously, I'm not sure if it's Steve Perry or the little Asian dude.  Hard to tell them apart.  The sound quality is exceptionally strong, so my best guess is the Asian guy.  In which case, it's probably from 2011.

"Second that Emotion" is easily my favorite JGB cover.   Jerry and Bob played it on Letterman back in 1989.  That was the version I wanted.  I huffed... and I puffed.... and I searched on the internet machine, but it just wasn't meant to be.  So be it.  Here's a live version from a boot called Shining Star.

I threw that Spice Girls' rendition of "We are Family" on the "shit" side of sonofsantorum.  So here's the real thing.  Much better.  Although I would prefer it if people call Sister Sledge... Sister Sludge.  A variation of Rusted Root... Rusted Soot.

We must continue this funk vibe.   Kool and The Gang!  A strong version of "Ladies Night."  Why didn't I choose the more popular "Celebration?"  At this moment in time, I do not feel like celebrating.  Regardless, this is from Montreux, Switzerland - 2009.  Fun fact - my parents got married in Bern, Switzerland while my father was serving in Korea. 

I think this is pretty cool.  Prince comes out on stage during Sheila E's opener set at the Orange Bowl in Miami.  Think about it.  It's the height of the 1985 Purple Rain tour.  Ray Lewis was just pre-pubescent purple teen.  Anyhoo, they play "Erotic City."  Great tune.  I like the tinny, unified audience screams too.  Annoying?  Yeah, sure it is... but very common on mid-80's boots.  You shalt embrace the learning curve of internet bootleg subculture. 

Christopher Cross sings "Ride Like The Wind" in Mons, Belgium (2009).  Me and Jenn were in Maui a decade ago.  I'm pretty sure we saw him hanging outside a major tourist attraction (Hawaii's biggest aquarium).   He was strumming his guitar and I made a jovial remark about  this "hippie performer."  He absorbed what I said and was quietly amused.    Just for the record, we found out that Kriss Kross does indeed own a home in Maui.  This still makes me want to jump, jump.  

Excellent version of "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John in Lucca, Italy (2011).  Most people complain about the deejay voiceover.  I like it.  Gives it some context and character.

People will make fun of me.  Some will laugh.  Some will antagonize and commit hate crimes.  But I think Sarah McLachlan's "I  Will Remember You" is really poignant.  Always better live.

If you'd like a free copy, just ask.  Even if you're a member of his Secret Service detail!  Hey, it's just  freedom of speech (or in this case, bootlegged music and liner notes).  Last time I checked, it's a free country.  Right?  Well... we'll see.  I have a hunch we'll find out about this "freedom thing" one of these days.