Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Chargers 34 Steelers 24: (12-9-12)

Gig and I snagged some free 500 level tickets to the game yesterday.  Probably the easiest acquisition this season.  While Gig was chit chatting with a photographer acquaintance, this short dude came out of nowhere.  "You guys need tickets.  Here you go."  I wasn't even holding up the sign.  Ironically, I was conversing with an overly gregarious Santa Claus playing acoustic guitar at the Mazeroski Way / W. General Robinson intersection.  As a matter of policy, I generally try to avoid Santa Clauses.  I once designed a tribute sonofcd - sonofsizzlin' / sonofsanta.  The latter being a tribute to mall store pedophile Santas.  Think of it as a purging, cathartic attempt.  Let's get Santa outta the system.  Let us expunge him from the public domain.  I'd feel more comfortable having the grandkids sit on Jerry Sandusky's lap.  Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people?

Let me first say, I would never have predicted the thrashing absorbed by the Steelers this weekend.  Everyone's saying Tomlin threw Ben back into the fray too soon after the injury.  I wouldn't place the blame there.  With four weeks til the playoffs, if you're a starter and you can physically play... then you play.  It's not really that complex.  I just think the team didn't "show up" after the huge, emotional win in Baltimore.  The let-down was looming.

I also didn't think Dallas would beat Cincy.  When your organization goes through rough emotional times (nose tackle charged with DUI & vehicular manslaughter), the last thing anyone wants is a Trumplike egomaniac like Jerry Jones playing the role of goodwill ambassador.  Next week's game should be strong.  I hope Jones heads down to the sidelines to motivate the team.  The ultimate scenario - in the waning moments of a tight game, the ref call a personal foul on Jerry Jones (trying to intimidate an official) and it knocks the Cowboys out of field goal range.  When the last second 58 yard attempt comes up just short, Jones fires their kicker on the spot.

Then, he hires replacement journeyman Billy Cuntiff.

I can dream, can't I?

As I was saying earlier, tickets were too easy to come by.  61,359 fans showed up in "full force."  Not too shabby.  That's only 3,691 no shows.  But how can one assess blame?  After all, it started to rain late in the 3rd quarter.  It being Sunday and all (the lord's day of rest), perhaps some thought there might be a flood of biblical proportions.  Truth be told, the crick is way up.

So yeah, tix were everywhere.  We felt embarrassed even trying.  It was that easy.  We did secure one additional for that special someone whom we all knew wouldn't make the trip.  Faced with the prospect of eating a ticket as if it were a box of Crunch'n'Munch, we ended up giving it away.  We originally tried to charge this dude $20, but he didn't even flinch.  We saluted his effort and just dished it off.   

This got me to thinking.  Maybe WE could become "goodwill ticket ambassadors."  Everyone would know that those 2 weirdos standing on the bench are here to redistribute free Steelers tickets.  That's their sole purpose in life.  So if you have an extra, give it to them.  Not only will they perform a ticket "hand me down" (literally... while standing on the bench an extra 2 feet off the pavement), but they will also do a "quality control" assessment.  Make sure the person is legit (not going to scalp or resell) and that he/she isn't some drunken yinzer Monroever buffoon.

You can never be too careful.

So surely the urban legend would grow.  Yeah... those two freakazoids on the bench outside Gate A.  They're the ones that routinely accept and give away free tickets.  Think of it as though you're seeking salvation (from a couple feet above).  Kind of a Salvation Army, sharing is caring, theme.  We could be this renegade, Steelers miracle seeking, hippie nonconforming, IC Light drinking, anti-scalping force to be reckoned with.

To some, we could be heroes (David Bowie).  To others (those who spend all their disposable income on season tickets), we'd be pissing them off to an even higher level previously deemed inconceivable.  It's a win-win.  Conjure up this image in your head.  Picture the mongrel hoards of Steeler nation as "lap-dogs."

That's right, you lackeys.  It's that time of year again.  Time to "put the Christ" back in Christmas.  So if you're a true Steelers fan, here's what you need to do.  Go to a Dick's Sporting Goods store and buy your hubby an NFL officially merchandised Big Ben #7 jersey.  It's a steal - only $219.  Now you've properly earned the love and adoration of your significant other.  Have a Huck-it.  Chuck-it.  Christmas!

No comments: