Sunday, December 30, 2012

Steubenville Big Red Rape Song

I did not attend the Steubenville protest yesterday.
I will go to the one next week.

I've been blogging my thoughts for about 8 years.  I'm willing to concede that most of the stuff I've written is unconventional.  If I were a normal resident of the Ohio Valley, I'd be writing about...

my family
going to church
getting drunk
filing a lawsuit
community garage sales
the Oglebay Festival of Lights
Jamboree in the Hills

but most important...

vicariously reliving your high school football glory days through the on-field heroics of your sons.

So in honor of our warped society and hero-driven culture, I wrote a parody of the Big Red chewing gum commercial.

No high school football team rapes young girls like Big Red.

"So rape a little longer
Tweet a little longer
Abuse a little longer
Longer with Big Red
That Big Red offense blasts into it
Hurt and pain goes on and on
While they screw it
so if you rape them a little longer
You'll think you're bigger and stronger
Do your crime, not do the time... with Big Red!"

Just for reference purposes, here's the chewing gum lyrics....

No little cinnamon gum freshens breath longer than Big Red

"So kiss a little longer,
Laugh a little longer,
Stay close a little longer
Longer with Big Red!
That Big Red freshness lasts right through it,
Your fresh breath goes on and on,
While you chew it!
say goodbye a little longer,
Make it last a little longer,
Give your breath long lasting freshness with Big Red!"  

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