Tuesday, August 10, 2010

McDonald's Happy Meal Systempunkt

I just came up with a bizarre idea for a litigious lawsuit that could prove financially rewarding. The next time you go to a McDonald's, order a happy meal. When the McCashier asks, "Is the toy for a boy or a girl," angrily respond, "My child is transgendered! How dare you be so insensitive!" Then you file your defamation lawsuit (preferably in West Virginia). I know a handful a lawyers who would be salivating, looking for a quick out-of-court settlement.

At the moment, Mickey D's is currently under harsh pressure form the government to eliminate toys from all happy meals. They claim it promotes childhood obesity. I suppose that's a reasonable assessment, but seriously... C'mon, how much big brother do we really need in our lives. And to be honest, those kids are all going to turn into fat, annoying punks regardless of whether they eat the happy meal or not. Like they're really going to have a side salad w/ low-fat balsamic.

McDonald's wants to avoid any scrutiny with the current happy meal controversy. The last thing they'd want is some kind of lawsuit which stresses themes of hermaphrodites and the potential for cross dressing accusations. Is Ronald McDonald secretly a woman? He does tend to over-apply the makeup. What of Grimace? His sexual exploration is not a topic I feel comfortable discussing. I once saw Hamburglar stealing some condoms at the Rite Aid next door for an upcoming conjugal visit at the Northern Regional Jail.

Of course the best possibility is to be working in concert with the cashier. When the order takes place, the droopy eyed, tattooed skater kid behind the register could say something like, "What??? You mean your kid has a dick and a pussy? Can I see it? Errr uhhh, them?" All that shit is videotaped. It's not as though losing his summer McJob is going to be the end of his life. Hell, you could swing him 5% of the settlement for his trouble. A quick 25K settlement - that's a little over a grand.

Personally, I almost always get the happy meal. I get it about once every 48 days, whenever I have craving for french fries. Regardless of your nutritional objections to McDonald's, those fries kick ass. The 28 fries they give you in that diminutive paper vortex is just barely enough to satiate my desire.

And id anyone see that crazed woman in the McDonald's drive thru in Ohio. She freaked out and tried to jump through the window and attack the employee. Ended up bashing the window in. Her problem was that she wanted chicken McNuggets, but they were only serving breakfast. It's my contention that her reaction was for the most part reasonable. Really, would you really have a McGriddle or a McNugget. The steroid-infused caged chicken just tastes better.

In case you missed it, here's the McRampage...


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Cocaine is a hell of a drug. I like at appx. 30 seconds, she lifts her leg in an attempt to climb into the window. Wow...scary stuff. DBV