#785. Jack

Imagine the political conundrum of New Jersey Assemblyman Jack Ciatarelli.  He's running for Governor of New Jersey as a Republican in a traditionally Northern blue state.  The vote is next week --- Tuesday November 2, 2021. 

That peculiar moment when a shadow makes you like you're recovering from a lobotomy.

So this moron's trying to appeal to independent voters in the Garden State with a Trump-dictated social agenda.  Anti-gay marriage, zero common sense gun restrictions, outlawing abortion, and plenty of critical race nonsense.

Oh yeah, and the pandemic is all a Democratic hoax.  No masks, no vaccinations, no science.

Even more absurd, this literal Jack-off is forced to headline "Stop the Steal" rallies.  Claiming how the Orange Prolapse won in 2020.  While diehard Republicans and miscellaneous domestic terrorists in the crowd wear Trump gear and wave Confederate flags.

Uh, memo to Jack.  This imbecilic nonsense doesn't sell in the northern suburbs.  That dog only cunts in the deep South.  Ciatarelli... Murphy's going to kick your... "ass and belly."

 

 

Granted, this poll was taken over the summer and I'm certain the race has tightened a bit.  Especially with recent Republican voter suppression efforts and the fact that it's an "extra off year/low turnout" election.

Prediction:  Murphy wins convincingly by 5-10 points.

 

Jack
sonofsaf

We know you’re gay and so does your wife
You’re not a superstar
Elections go by
Please die
Die
Die just for me
But tow the party line
Ooh, ah yeah, ah ooh

Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, fuck you you you fuck you you
Fuck you you you fuck you you, ooh ooh ooh
Fuck you you you fuck you you, ooh

 

Black
Pearl Jam

I know someday you'll have a beautiful life
I know you'll be a star
 in somebody else's sky,
but why
Why,
why can't it be,
oh, can't it be mine?
Ooh, ah yeah, ah, ooh

Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, ooh ooh ooh
Doodoo-doo-doo-doodoodoo, ooh

With this parody, I just did the closing exit refrain.  Attempting the entire song would have been an exhausting calamity.

Pearl Jam:

8-25-98, Star Lake Amphitheater, Burgettstown, PA
9-5-00, Post-Gazette Pavilion, Burgettstown, PA
9-28-05, PNC Park, Pittsburgh, PA (opened for the Rolling Stones)
6-23-06, Mellon Arena, Pittsburgh, PA
10-27-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
10-28-09, Wachovia Spectrum, Philadelphia, PA
5-6-10, Nationwide Arena, Columbus, OH
5-9-10, Quicken Loans Arena, Cleveland, OH
10-11-13, Consol Energy Center, Pittsburgh, PA
10-1-14, U.S. Bank Arena, Cincinnati, OH
9-26-15, Central Park, New York City, NY (Global Citizen Festival)
4-28-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA
4-29-16, Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia, PA

The Big Lie 100: (#100)

#390.  Big Lie (Free Ride --- Edgar Winter)

#487.  Donald's Big Lie (Mr. Blue Sky --- E.L.O.)

#495.  American Lie (American Pie --- Don McLean)

#520.  The Big Lie (When Doves Cry --- Prince)

#530.  Big Lie (High Time --- Grateful Dead)

#545.  Big Lie (Goodbye --- Night Ranger)

#548.  Trump World's, Big Lie (Big Girls, Don't Cry --- Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons)  

#549.  All A Big Lie (Live And Let Die --- Paul McCartney)

#550.  Would Trump Lie To You (Would I Lie To You --- Annie Lennox)

#552.  Big Liar (Big Spender --- Shirley Bassey)

 

#553.  Big Lie (Big Me --- Foo Fighters)

#555.  The Big Lie (Let Her Cry --- Hootie And The Blowfish)

#557.  Big Lie (Big Love --- Fleetwood Mac)

#559.  Big Lies (Big Balls --- AC/DC)

#561.  The Big Lie (Aces High --- Iron Maiden)

#562.  Big Lie Trump Overload (Goodbye Yellow Brick Road --- Elton John)

#563.  Byrne's A Bitch (Burn The Witch --- Radiohead)

#564.  As The World Byrnes (As The World Burns --- Kreator)

#565.  Lie (Cry --- Godley and Creme)

#567.  Byrne In Hell (Burn In Hell --- Twisted Sister) 

#571.  He's A Scrotum The Big Lie (I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry --- Hank Williams)

#594.  Lie Lie You Trumpers (Die Die My Darling --- Metallica)

#595.  To Live Is To Lie (To Live Is To Die --- Metallica) 

 

#596.  Don't Lie (Don't Cry --- Guns'n'Roses)

#597.  Big Lie (Big Time --- Peter Gabriel)

#601.  Lies (Lies --- Thompson Twins)

#602.  Liar (Liar --- Three Dog Night)

#606.  Lie Free-For-All (Fly On The Wall --- AC/DC)

#609.  Big Liar (Big River --- Grateful Dead)

#616.  Jeffrey Clark (Rosa Parks --- OutKast)

#626.  So Great At Big Lies (Too Late For Goodbyes --- Julian Lennon)

#627.  Liar (Liar --- Henry Rollins)

#630.  Lie!  Lie! (Why?!  Why?! --- Nancy Kerrigan)

#632.  Fucked Up Lie (Custard Pie --- Led Zeppelin)

#633.  Tommy (Zombie --- The Cranberries)

#636.  Everybody Blows (Justice League Soundtrack --- Sigrid)

#639.  Orange Clown (Small Town --- John Cougar Mellencamp)

#640.  Be Unforgiving And Never Stop Lying (Shawshank Redemption --- Morgan Freeman / Tim Robbins)

#643.  Stampede (Candide --- Leonard Bernstein)

#651.  It's The Big Lie (Electric Eye --- Judas Priest)

#653.  Who Killed Ashli Babbitt (Who Killed Roger Rabbit --- Robert Zemekis)

#656.  Dush (Hush --- Deep Purple)

#657.  Dush (Plush --- Stone Temple Pilots)

#658.  Gonna Rock The Vote (Evil Little Goat --- Pearl Jam)

#659.  Trump's An Asshole (Get In The Hole --- generic dumbshit golf enthusiast)

#660.  Trump's A Clown (Lay It Down --- Ratt)

#661.  Between The Lies (Between The Eyes --- Ratt)

#663.  Lies Of The World (Eyes Of The World --- Grateful Dead)

#667.  Hole Jim Jordan (Beast of Burden --- Rolling Stones)

#670.  Sean Parnell (Go To Hell --- Alice Cooper)

#671.  Patrick (Magic --- Olivia Newton-John)

#673.  Sidney Implants (Breast Implants --- women w/ fake titties)

#674.  We Abhor Sidney (Eleanor Rigby --- Paul McCartney)

#675.  Trust Us on J6 (Justice for J6 )

#676.  Fuck Lin Wood (Amii Stewart --- Knock On Wood)

#677.  Lincoln Wood (If I Could --- Phish)

#678.  Burt Jones (Them Bones --- Alice in Chains)

#679.  Harriet's A Liar (Chariots of Fire --- Vangelis)

#680.  Trump's A Liar (Light My Fire --- The Doors)

#681.  Liar  (Fire --- Jimi Hendrix)

#682.  Lee (Tea --- King Diamond)

#683.  Fuck You Michael Cloud (Get Off Of My Cloud --- Rolling Stones)

#684.  Disunion Forever (The Union Forever --- Sergeant Richard Pickman)

#688.  Fuck You Lou (Love Me Do --- The Beatles)

#690.  Say No Thanks, 'Cause Trump Is A Crook And... (Ball Park Franks slogan)  

#691.  Barletta Theme Song (Baretta Theme Song --- Sammy Davis Jr.)

#693.  Justice For Gay Pricks (Justice for J-6 --- Matt Braynard)

#694.  Marco... Homo (Marco... Polo --- unknown)

#699.  Kent Is A Woman (Scent Of A Woman --- Seinfeld)

#700.  GOP (Can't You See --- Marshall Tucker Band) 

#701.  So Contradictory, Matt DePerno (Nestle --- It's Not Delivery, It's DiGiorno)

#702.  Ellis Lie (Jealous Guy --- John Lennon)

#708.  Orange Prolapsin' (Sister Christian --- Night Ranger)

#709.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#713.  Bad Thune Lying (Bad Moon Rising --- John Fogerty)

#719.  Donald Trumper Lies (Bette Davis Eyes --- Kim Carnes) 

#722.  Jody Hice (Paradise --- Coldplay)

#723.  Liar (Liar --- Sex Pistols)

#725.  Strategic Warning (Woke Up This Morning --- Alabama 3)

#726.  Lake's A Caucasian (Shake Your Foundations --- AC/DC)

#727.  Texas (Lexus --- Toyota Marketing Department)

#729.  V.P. Pee Song (1970's Steelers Polka Fight Song --- Jimmy Psihoulis)

#740.  Maximum Misery, Matt DePerno (It's Not Delivery, It's DiGiorno --- Nestle)

#742.  Subpoena No Doubt (The Sun Will Come Out --- Little Orphan Annie)

#743.  Congressman Cole (Head Like A Hole --- Nine Inch Nails

#745.  Scavino Never Cums (Tomorrow Never Comes --- Teddy Geiger)

#746.  Chucky (Lucky --- Radiohead)

#747.  Dan Scavino (Sweet Potato --- Cracker)

#750.  Queen Graham (Queen Jane --- Grateful Dead)

#754.  Fraud (Maude --- Alan and Marilyn Bergman)

#755.  Trump Oddity (Space Oddity --- David Bowie) 

#757.  Trump And Mark Meadows (Me And My Shadow --- Whispering Jack Smith)

#758.  I Allege Grievance (The Pledge of Allegiance --- Rev. Francis Bellamy)

#760.  Peter Theil (Spinning Wheel --- Blood Sweat And Tears

#761.  Brnovich (Burn The Witch --- Radiohead) 

#773.  Larry Was A Damn Conniver (Jerry Was A Race Car Driver --- Primus)

 

#776.  Bannon (Dannon --- Danone North America Marketing Department)

 

#778.  Jim Banks (Give Thanks --- Dan Moen)

 

#779.  Fiore (Old Glory --- Guttermouth)

#785.  Jack (Black --- Pearl Jam)

Rest assured, The "Big Lie 100" will continue unabated. 

Please do not share this material with New Jersey Governor candidate Jack Ciatarelli.