Ah, Don McClean's classic "American Pie." Not a lot of people know this... but his song is "deep" in the Brad Paisley repertoire.
So, why-why, won’t the Orange Prolapse die
His fat ass is pretty heavy, and he makes children cry
Makin’ lots of noise he keeps on tellin’ big lies
Fuckin’, “He’s a piece of shit kinda guy
He’s a piece of shit kinda guy“
(radio-friendly alternative version)
So, bye-bye, Donald Trump told a lie
His big butt is pretty heavy, as he eats a large fry
He sometimes annoys but doesn’t drink don’t ask why
Thinkin’, this’ll make the Democrats cry
This’ll make the Democrats cry
So, bye-bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry
And them good ol' boys were drinkin' whiskey and rye
Singin', "This'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die"
Naturally, I just did the refrain for this one. Admittedly a bit of a cop-out. But hey, this song is hella long. Naturally that's the rationale for offering an unprecedented, additional, alternative version. Huzzah!
Brad has played Star Lake 10 times since 2001. And don't forget Jambo a/k/a Jamboree in the Hills a/k/a Port-a-jon poppin' your pills.
But me and him go way back. To the days of Linsly and West Lib. How many Capitol Music Hall rehearsals? How many band blasts? How many times have I asked his father Doug to encourage his son to relay generic, undiscussable venue safety information to the masses? (Hint: Everyone has a cell phone).
My point - I usually list the number of times I've seen a band or musician perform live. But to be blunt... if Brad don't give a shit about me. Well then I don't give a fuck about him. More importantly, it would only be an estimate and I like to be precise.
Please do not share this information with Brad Paisley, Don McLean, and/or former President Donald J. Trump.