If you go to one of those Tea Party gatherings, you'll likely run into a few weirdos. Ted Nugent, Senator Cruz's dad, Sarah Palin and her kids (Trick, Treat, Track, Fig and Scrod). Gotta love the trendy names for kids these days. On a recent Maury Povich this mother was trying to establish paternity for her newborn baby girl "Arraya Sunshine." Gigi exclaimed, "Ohhh, I kinda like that name" while I simultaneously puked in my own mouth (the distinctive taste of bleu cheese stuffed olive).
Speaking of more tasty cuisine (as opposed to bile and vomit) our crew dined on spaghetti with chicken meatballs, tossed salad and Italian bread. The perfect dinner compliments of Gig. Pam brought dessert. When she walked in the door I blurted out, "There's no place I'd rather eat than Pamela's." Granted, this was a reference to the diner in Millvale. But it came across as a bit pseudo-sexual. Pam would bail on the show. I'm told she likes scary shit, but this may have a been a bit out her "range."
Anyway, we hit up the big King Diamond show at Stage AE around 7pm. The parking lots were virtually deserted. However, the venue was totally packed. I'd guess a crowd of about 1,800 out of 2,000. So where did all these people come from? Gigi and I figured it out this morning. They were staying at the downtown hotels and had walked to the venue. The vast majority were from out of town. We met people from Buffalo, Toronto, New York City and even a couple latino chicks from Nicaragua. When I asked, "Oh you from Managua?" they got really excited. It was a rare opportunity to show off my knowledge of Central American cities. Seriously, not a lot of people know that Tegucigalpa is the capital of neighboring Hondurus. And judging from last night's crowd, even fewer give a rat's ass.
Speaking of rats...
These were our props from last night. The rat (bestowed with the name Templeton of Charlotte's Web origins), the inverted cross pumpkin and the mysteriously hanging candy bucket which I'll refer to as Caspar. How original. If you take a close look, you can see that Caspar is filled with tea bags. But these were not your father's ordinary Lipton tea bags. These were "limited edition" King Diamond tea bags. Every tea bag was enscripted with an uplifting message.
Here were the last 4 out of around a hundred. Circumcision, Steelers Suck, I HATE YOU and EBOLA. Other notable ones included KITTERS, Grandma's Gunt, THEM, 666 Mutha Fucka, Help I'm trapped inside a tea factory, agsaf.org, and WWKDD. Later that night we'd find one lying on the floor near the upstairs bar. It had one of my made up words on it --- dominipede.
Distributing the tea bags was much more difficult than we had imagined. You'd think a demonic crowd like this one would relish the Halloween experience. But most were either indifferent or afraid. People just don't have any inspiration these days. They plod along like trained seals, staring into their cell phones. Just zero creativity and a staunch desire to maintain personal isolation at all costs. If you ask them to think outside the box, they reply, "Yeah, I've eaten at a Jack in the Box." Sad. Back in the day, people had a lot more enthusiasm. U.S. government --- you've done a great job of marginalizing our collective humanity. Mitch McConnell seems to have taken the lead on this.
Him and this guy are distant cousins.
I can assure you... the latter individual is a superior approximation of the human race.
When I see Mitch's debilitating mug, it makes me reflect on King Diamond's facial journey.