Saturday, November 22, 2008


Anyone who has visited my home is aware of one thing. I've always wanted to use the walls as a source of information. When I moved in a few years ago, the entire house was this ugly shade of sea foam green. Every room was this putrid color. Hell, even the carpet is all sea foam green. Normally, I don't care much about trivial matters like this - "Ooohh, what a lovely shade of burgundy. Yeah, that lavender really accents your toilet." Stuff like this means absolutely nothing to me. So I embarked on a mission. Try to use the walls of my home to convey something relatively meaningful.
The bedroom is still under construction. Other than the ticket stubs, commentaries and Dead info, I've been considering going with a mural but can't quite seem to come up with a solid concept. I'll probably just go with the sports logos and band names and keep it consistent.
The wall of corks in the kitchen has exceeded my expectations. The abundance of different contributors have provided an inclusive feel. And the cross of purity offers an ironic twist. Embrace the absurd. Why not?
The recreational rooms offer plenty of scorekeeping. The garage walkway now has the equa-distant 50 U.S. license plates. The refrigerator maintains its interactive status but is getting a little old.
Here's what I'm thinking - the hallway downstairs. I want to do free-handed (preferably traced) drawings of all the continents - including the countries, capitals, bodies of water and possibly historic monuments (Great Wall of China, pyramids, etc.). They actually sell these overpriced wall maps at Ikea, but that would be pretty uninspired. Plus, I wouldn't necessarily be drawing each continent to scale. Is it really necessary to have a huge Antartica. Australia need not be overly complex. Anyway, it wouldn't take that long. Knock off one continent per week. Probably skip North America and focus on a more universal theme. This idea is still in the formative stages. Any input would be appreciated. Hopefully, "anonymous" will not suggest an anatomically correct nude drawing of the entire Obama family, but is well within his free speech internet rights.

Monday, November 17, 2008


Many have asked, "Saf, where are the pictures? Where is the music? Where is the glitter and emoticonal excitement?" How come you never talk about personal stuff or give us a glimpse into your sordid past? Why the fuck do you only write about shit that nobody gives a fuck? I'll admit, these are some valid questions. This seems like a particularly good time to address them since the Browns are playing the Bills on MNF. Nobody cares about that either. Actually, in that regard, I think I'm onto something. It's pretty obvious that the Browns are out of the playoffs this year and Romeo Crennel is on his way out. The question of course - who will replace him. The answer has never been so obvious. Bill Cowher will coach the Cleveland Browns next year. Yes, you heard it here. Cowher will be back. His stock will never be any higher. I think they'll also offer him a record contract. Not only would it be great for the NFL, it would reintroduce old rivalries with Pittsburgh and Baltimore. Plus, he used to play for Clevelend (special teams for a year I think). Plus, I think he'd just embrace it - he has a flair for the drama (with the cheating on his wife with his secretary bit) and loves the high profile. The timing has never been better. The NFL has this strange "what comes around goes around" aura. Just something to think about. It certainly would adhere to the sonofsaf "laws of universal balance" theory.
Meanwhile, back to the personal stuff.
I've been contemplating a major refrigerator overhaul. What's the deal? Am I going to get the icemaker fixed - No. Am I planing an upgrade - No. Maybe it's the outside - all those pictures of celebrity heads and the magnetic dress-up interactive status - No. Here's what I have planned. I'm thinking about starting a row of Coors Light alongside the Miller Lite. No one has preached the merits of Miller Lite the way I have, up until now. I've had about 3 Coors Lights in the past 2 weeks. They're really not that bad. Plus, I like the excitement of the silvery can. And they're also kind of narrow which bodes well for a decently stocked frig. They currently have the best beer commercials as well - where they misuse past NFL coach press conference footage.
What's up with the corks? When will it end? The answer - IT NEVER ENDS. As long as I can draw breath or pick up a glue gun. Some would say, they're TAKING OVER. And now, with the revelation of differential low and high lighting settings on the Cross of Purity - let us just say it has "merely begun." If you have wine corks, I want them. If you don't drink wine, please start.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

final thoughts

Well, it's over. I watched McCain's concession speech and it wasn't too bad. I don't fault McCain for running an overhwlemingly negative campaign. To be blunt, that was his only option. I suspect his campaign team came to him and said, "Do you want to try and win this thing or do you want to end up like Bob Dole in the history books?" Once he told them he wanted to be President, the campaign had its own momentum and he took a totally hands off, detatched approach. I do fault McCain for not being more actively involved in his own presidential campaign and a total lack of a coherent message. He seemed to stumble from one attack to another to another. Think about it...
First, he tried to make a mockery of Obama - the Britney Spears, Paris Hilton celebrity commercial. This wasn't that bad an idea. I think it was too "over the top" so they nixed it and moved on, possible prematurely.
Then, they went after an inner city black preacher who said "God Damn America!"
Then they tried the "he doesn't take a stand on tough issues." This had a TON of merit becuase he voted "present" so many times in the Senate. But they abandoned it way too quickly. Poor decision
Then, they went to the "he's too inexperienced and he has no executive experience." Once again, this had a certain degree of viability. But then McCain picked Palin and they couldn't pursue it further.
Then, they go back to the tired Republican refrain of "he'll raise your taxes and wants bigger government."
Then, he's going to meet unconditionally with third world tyrants and "cut and run" in Iraq
Then, in the waning days of the campaign, they got totally desperate. He's a socialist, has ties to a domestic terrorist and had the surrogates pull out the "Barrack Hussein Obama Muslim" innuendo.
There was NO coherent gameplan. The idea was to just throw everything but the kitchen sink at Obama and hope that something sticks. Their strategy was to turn the campaign into an American Idol competition - come up with some fun slogans (Drill Baby Drill) and create a mythical character (Joe the Plumber) for lower income people in the swing states to rally around. Basically, it just wasn't much of a strategy and there was no underlying theme. It's difficult to attack themes of hope and change, especially when your candidate is a political insider in his 70's. Once again, I don't fault McCain for the tenor of his campaign. He had to go overwhelmingly negative if he wanted a legitimate shot. But when the disgusting robocalls went out in the millions, I became thoroughly disgusted with McCain. You cannot, in good consience, send out millions of automated calls inferring that Obama is a terrorist and has terrorist connections. This is an incredibly dangerous precedent - Now, there's a statistically significant percentage of the population who can seize upon this absolute nonsense and use it to justify their future insidious actions. Trust me, they're out there and they're closer than you think.

Will Obama make a great president?
I think Obama is a great man, has shrewd politcal instincts, surrounds himself with incredibly forward thinking individuals, makes sound judgements, is an absolutely brilliant orator (exceeding both Clinton and Reagan), and legitmately wants to unite people rather than use the easier tactics of division. He's about as inspirational as you can possibly be without sounding silly. I think he knows that he must lead to the center and not the left. I also think he knows that although his victory could be considered a mandate, he will not treat it as such. But here's the problem... the Dems are solidly in. In the house and senate, they've got a perceived mandate and are anxious to retaliate for 8 years of Bush and the neocon policies. And there will be an assured tendency to overreach. Just because you elect a great man, doesn't necessarily guarantee a great presidency. It's impossible to change the culure of Washington DC works overnight. And I think Obama will have a difficult time controlling Pelosi, Reid, Barney Frank, Henry Waxman, Chuck Schumer and all the others. He might be able to reign in a few of them, but there are way too many egos and competing agendas. You have to pick your battles. But what happens when there are too many battles?
I suggest Obama reach out to the Republicans and perhaps select a few for key cabinet positions that share his general philosophy. Maybe a Chuck Hagel on foreign policy or maybe a relatively moderate Republican like Rob Portman to oversee budget & debt issues. Bring back Colin Powell in some capacity. This would infuriate the base Democrats in Congress but would play well with middle America.
I think Obama is a great man, but his presidency will be repeatedly tested. Our internal problems as a nation are far too challenging and complex and have existed for way too long. I also think Biden was right. There will soon come a major test in the form of an international incident during the transition period. Things have temporarily swung to the left, but everything always steers back to the middle. It's just the nature of the universe.
For now, I"ll celebrate the demise of George Bush and the right wingers. At the same time, I'll be cautiously optimistic of the new direction. And more importantly, I'll try not be naive.

Monday, November 03, 2008


One last political thought - this one regarding the inevitable demise of Joe the Plumber. This moron has had more than his 15 minutes of fame and he has gotta go. Fortunately, the press will have no use for him after McCain loses. By the way, I came up with a great idea for McCain in the closing moments of the campaign. Tonight, both him and Obama are going to make live comments during halftime of the Steelers/Redskins game. Chris Berman will be doing the interviewing. I'd encourage McCain to say something like this...
"Chris, normally politicians don't take sides in the NFL, but I'm pulling for the Steelers tonight because we need them to "clean up" the Washington DC Redskins." Then he could whip out a Terrible Towel that reads MCain/Palin or something to that affect. I think this would be a great gimmick. It would play huge among low-effort thinking undecided white men & women in Pennsylvania (which he needs). Not like McCain is going to carry the 80% black vote in the DC area anyway. It would be one last ditch affort and it's free and I think it would play incredibly well. Never underestimate the potency and resolve of the Steeler Nation.
Alright, back to Joe... Joe the Plumber is one of the biggest political hoaxes I've ever seen. Just who is this alleged man of the people? He appeared as if from nowhere (we used to call this "emerging from carpet"). PLEASE! This guy was a pure concoction of the Republican National Committee. An act of total desperation - They realized they needed to put a human face on all the "poor wealthy" people who are going to see their tax rate return to the levels of the Clinton administration. Oh my god, a substantial rise of 3% on the highest income bracket. How are these people going to maintain their quality of life and standard of living?
Joe is a fascinating individual. I've never met a plumber who makes 250K/year, has his own plumber publicist and is on the verge of releasing a country music cd. Just what the country needed, in an economic downturn and while the military is stretched to the breaking point. We need Joe. This would help every Tina the bartender, Chloe the waitress and Bob the garbage man more easily identify with the Republican party. If you take away the right-wing social issues, I'd say the current version of the Republican party truly and accurately represents a whopping 2% of the population.
Even more humorous, in the waning days of the campaign, McCain has been looking for "spontaneous" signs at his victory rallies. He keeps running into this one guy "Doug the Undertaker" over and over again. Grandpa loves invoking the spontaneity of the moment at every rally. "Look, there's Doug the Undertaker! I think the Democrats are going to need your services after this election is over!" Great line. Amazing how Doug shows up at every campaign stop.
One last message for Joe - The only way I can tolerate you is knowing that on Wednedsay, November 3, the media will no longer have any use for you whatsoever. They'll chew you up and spit you out. You'll be less famous than that old Wendy's "where's the beef?" lady but slightly more famous the Dick Cheney's hunting buddy who got shot in the face. I think I can live with that.