Monday, October 31, 2022

#1519. Mike DeWine

Governor Mike DeWine (R-OH), at a measurable height of 5'5"... is at the top of his game.  His peak. His pinnacle.

That's assuming you're fixated on the much-overlooked "gubernatorial douchebag" to "lackluster length" ratio.

Lamentably, that stat ain't reflected in the latest polls.  

His opponent is former Dayton Mayor Nan Whaley. 


 

I hate to sound cynical, but "Nan Whaley" just doesn't have a really good ring to it.  It's simply not the ideal name for a heavier-set woman running statewide in Ohio.  She's gonna get clobbered.  

You wanna know who could beat DeWine... 

^^^ This guy ^^^

I hate to embrace political lunacy, but maybe the time has come for Dems to fight back with a few celebrities of their own. 



 

Mike DeWine
sonofsaf

(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
(Fucking-sucking)
Mike DeWine
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Piss on DeWine
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Donald Trump has stupid hair
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Insurrection if you care
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
That Donald Trump is full of bullshit
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
And, his asshole isn’t fine
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
An Orange Prolapse for all the world
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
‘Cause a coup d’etat’s a crime
(Fucking-sucking)

Doesn’t drink or get high
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Also, loves the big the lie
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Fake Truth Social is why
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Trump should burn in hell and die
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
All the fake news is a lie
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Trump will lie all day whenever
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Still, his asshole isn’t fine
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
Bullshit fake news whenever
(Fucking-sucking)

Mike DeWine
(Fuck yeah)
Asshole DeWine
(Fuck yeah)
Trump is a hater
(Fuck yeah)
And a masturbator
(Fuck yeah)
Piece of shit altogether
(Fuck yeah)
He is such a hater
(Fuck yeah)
Donald ain’t great
Donald ain’t great
It’s cause for much alarm

Donald Trump is mean
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
His tiny dick’s a mushroom bone
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
You gotta kiss the Orange Prolapse
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)
While he’s shitting on the throne
(Fucking-sucking-fucking)

Michael DeWine
(DeWine)
DeWine
(DeWine)
DeWine
(DeWine)
DeWine
(DeWine)
DeWine
(DeWine)
Fuck yeah
(DeWine)
DeWine

 

The Chiffons
He’s So Fine

(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
(Do-lang-do-lang)
He's so fine
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
Wish he were mine
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
That handsome boy over there
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
The one with the wavy hair
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
I don't know how I'm gonna do it
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
But, I'm gonna make him mine
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
He's the envy of all the girls
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
It's just a matter of time
(Do-lang-do-lang)

He's a soft-spoken guy
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
Also, seems kinda shy
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
Makes me wonder if I
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
Should even give him a try?
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
But then I know he can't shy
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
He can't shy away forever
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
And, I'm gonna make him mine
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
If it takes me forever
(Do-lang-do-lang)

He's so fine
(Oh, yeah)
Gotta be mine
(Oh, yeah)
Sooner or later
(Oh, yeah)
I hope it's not later
(Oh, yeah)
We got to get together
(Oh, yeah)
The sooner, the better
(Oh, yeah)
I just can't wait
I just can't wait
To be held in his arms

If I were a queen
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
And, he asked me to leave my throne
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
I'd do anything that he asked
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)
Anything to make him my own
(Do-lang-do-lang-do-lang)

For he's so fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
So fine
(So fine)
Oh, yeah
(So fine)
So fine



 



The Chiffons played the Burgh twice.  Once in 1963 at the Civic Arena and the other time at the Syria Mosque in 1964.  At the time I was -7 and -6 accordingly.  Never saw 'em.


The Big Lie 100: (#694)

#1417.  Crudite Mode (Holiday Road --- Lindsey Buckingham)

#1418.  Wants Crudite (So Far Away --- Dire Straits)

#1419.  The Crudite (Not Fade Away --- Grateful Dead)

#1420.  Crudite Din (Holiday Inn --- Elton John)
 
#1421.  Tiffany Smiley (Baba O'Riley --- Grateful Dead)

#1422.  Markwayne (Cocaine --- Eric Clapton)
 
#1423.  Coco Elaine (Hello Again --- The Cars)
 
#1424.  Ill Campaigns (Still Remains --- Stone Temple Pilots)
 
#1425.  Crudite (Yesterday --- Paul McCartney)
 
#1426.  Roe Roe Roe Your Vote (Row Row Row Your Vote --- Ella Fitzgerald)
 
#1427.  Tate Reeves (Governor Blows) (Believe (Nobody Knows) --- My Morning Jacket)
 
#1428.  Eatin' Crudite (Surfin' U.S.A. --- Beach Boys)
 
#1429.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Smiley --- Poison)
 
#1430.  Mitch McConnell (Old MacDonald --- Unknown)
 
#1431.  Master Is Special (Master Of Puppets --- Metallica) 

#1432.  Crudite (Holiday --- Bee Gees)
 
#1433.  Fucked Up Ass Blake Masters (Fabulous Disaster --- Exodus)
 
#1434.  Mrs. Smiley (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)
 
#1435.  Talk To Mark Meadows (Walk In The Shadows --- Queensryche)
 
#1436. Chris Kice (The Price -- Twisted Sister)

#1437.  Crudite (Stay Away --- Nirvana)

#1438.  Crudite (New Year's Day --- U2)

#1439.  One More Crudite Bite (One More Saturday Night --- Grateful Dead)

#1440.  The Crudite's Bad (The Crudite) (Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) --- Motley Crue)

#1441.  Crudite (Say Say Say --- Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson)

#1442.  That Donald Trump Is... (All In The Name Of... Motley Crue)

#1443.  Comer Isn't Very Smart (Owner Of A Lonely Heart --- Yes)

#1444.  Mehmet Oz (Just Because --- Jane's Addiction)

#1445.  A Piece Of Shit From The Start (Total Eclipse Of The Heart --- Bonnie Tyler)

#1446.  J.D. (Lady --- Styx)

#1447.  J.D. Vance (My Romance --- Carly Simon)

#1448.  Donald Trump's Hair (Ya Mo B There --- Michael McDonald)

#1449.  Dixon, Tudor (Touch My Tooter --- Ween)

#1450.  J.D. (Lady --- Little River Band)

#1451.  J.D. Is Gay (Lay Lady Lay --- Bob Dylan)

#1452.  Tudor Dixon (Superstition --- Stevie Wonder)

#1453.  Richard Woods (Harry Hood --- Phish)

#1454.  Woods (Would --- Alice In Chains)

#1455.  Ted Budd (Blackbird --- The Beatles)

#1456.  Budd Is Far Right (Bloody Well Right --- Supertramp)

#1457.  Trump's Strange (La Grange --- ZZ Top)

#1458.  Ashley Kalus (Brokedown Palace --- Grateful Dead)

#1459.  Hung Cao (Right Now --- Van Halen)

#1460.  Hung Cao (Black Cow --- Steely Dan)

#1461.  Scott Jensen (Confusion --- Electric Light Orchestra)

#1462.  Meet Mehmet (Meet The Mets --- Ruth Roberts & Bill Katz)

#1463.  Bolduc (Holed Up --- The Raconteurs)

#1464.  Bolduc's Fucked up (Hold Your Head Up --- Argent)

#1465.  Vance Is A Cunt (Eminence Front --- The Who)

#1466.  Oh Mike Lindell (The First Noel --- Brian Wilson)

#1467.  A Fucking Assclown (The Final Countdown --- Europe)

#1468.  Kim Jong Un Will Fight (Afternoon Delight --- Starland Vocal Band)

#1469.  Majewski's Outta Line (Nobody's Fault But Mine --- Led Zeppelin)

#1470.  I Guess That's Why They Call Him A Jew (I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues --- Elton John)

#1471.  Crudite Plate (Runaway Train --- Soul Asylum)

#1472.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- Kenny Loggins)

#1473.  Roger Stone (Danger Zone --- The Ramones)

#1474.  Laxalt (Asshole --- Tom Petty)

#1475.  Trump Is A Bitch (Under The Bridge --- Red Hot Chili Peppers)

#1476.  Mark Meadows Loves Gay Porn (Every Rose Has A Thorn --- Poison)

#1477.  Kim Jong's Illin' (You Be Illin' --- Run DMC)

#1478.  Bad Roger Stone (Bad To The Bone --- George Thorogood & The Destroyers)

#1479.  Burt (Hurt --- Nine Inch Nails)

#1480.  Pate Is A Geek (Eight Days A Week --- The Beatles)

#1481.  Poor Sandy Smith (Poor Ellen Smith --- Billy Strings)

#1482.  Laxalt (Blackout --- Scorpions)

#1483.  Steve J. Scalise (Karma Police --- Radiohead)

#1484. Steve Scalise (Dream Police --- Cheap Trick)

#1485.  Teddy Cruz (Boggie Shoes --- KC & The Sunshine Band)

#1486. Ronchetti (Black Betty --- Metal Church)

#1487.  Joe O'Dea (Day By Day --- The Hooters)

#1488.  Tommy Tuberville (A View To A Kill --- Duran Duran) 

#1489.  Fuck You Trumpers (All You Zombies --- The Hooters)

#1490.  A. Biggs (War Pigs --- Black Sabbath)

#1491.  Rubio Ga Ga (Radio Ga Ga --- Queen)

#1492.  Moran (Old Man --- Neil Young)

#1493.  Trump's A Liar (Ring Of Fire --- Johnny Cash)

#1494.  Why Does Ivanka Blow (Where Do The Children Go --- The Hooters)

#1495.  Why Why, Gay Gay (Chris Sununu) (My My, Hey Hey (Out Of The Blue) --- Neil Young)

#1496.  Tonight Ivanka Masturbates For You (Tonight I Want To Celebrate With You --- My Morning Jacket)

#1497.  Marco A. Rubio (Turn Up The Radio --- Autograph)

#1498.  Tshibaka (Fuck You) (Axilla (Part II --- Phish)

#1499.  Sinning (Winning --- Santana)

#1500.  Nunes (Jane Says --- Jane's Addiction)

#1501.  (We Don't Want No) Kenneth Paxton (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction --- Rolling Stones)

#1502.  Asshole In Trump Tower... Stinking (Standing In The Shower... Thinking --- Jane's Addiction)

#1503.  Fuck Cooper (The Trooper --- Iron Maiden)

#1504.  Ganahl (Crank Call --- Billy Idol)

#1505.  Bannon (Love Gun --- Kiss)

#1506.  Marco Rubio's A Clown And A Retard (Me And Julio Down By The Schoolyard --- Paul Simon)

#1507.  Paul LePage (Turn The Page --- Bob Seger)

#1508.  The Donald Is Orange Not White (We Only Come Out At Night --- Smashing Pumpkins)

#1509.  Cindy Kirk (Dirty Work --- Steely Dan)

#1510.  Strong And His Mouth (Song Of The South --- Alabama)

#1511.  Clarence Thomas (Mr. Crowley --- Ozzy Osbourne)

#1512.  Jim Marchant (Ants Marching --- Dave Matthews Band)

#1513.  Adam Hinojosa (Champagne Supernova --- Oasis)

#1514.  Acrisure (Immature --- Bjork)

#1515.  Michels The Liar (Trial By Fire --- Testament)

#1516.  Donald's A Liar (Great Balls Of Fire --- Jerry Lee Lewis)

#1517.  Mark Amodei (Carry that Weight --- Paul McCartney)

#1518.  George Logan (War Begun --- My Morning Jacket)

#1519.  Mike DeWine (He's So Fine --- The Chiffons) 


Please do not share this material with Governor Mike DeWine (R-OH) and/or former President Donald J. Trump.