Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Trump strategy

Exactly what is Trump trying to accomplish? Does this guy really want to be the Republican nominee? I'm honestly not sure. At the very least, he's trying to shape the campaign. Trump sees a scattered field of Republicans and everyone has their faults. The mainstream candidates (Romney & Pawlenty) bore the hell out of everyone. All the other candidates are way too far to the right which would help Trump if he goes independent.

The flip flop for him on abortion is intriguing. All of a sudden he's pro-life. After decades of being pro-choice and liberal leaning on most social issues, Trump changed his mind because one of his buddies had a baby. At first, the guy didn't want a child but now "couldn't imagine his life without that bundle of joy." It would be interesting to find out exactly "who this mystery friend is." Why do I have a hunch he just made up this story, albeit not an incredibly complex one. Also, let's hope this "friend of his" doesn't change his mind if one day the kid ends up on one of those wild teen Maury Povich episodes.

I think Trump has this grand vision where he can bypass the usual caucus election process in Iowa. His theory goes something like this. I am Donald Trump. I am a great man. The public deserves to hear all of my opinions due to my superiority. It's a potentially crowded Republican field so I need to differentiate myself from the rest. So I'll throw everything I can at Obama (particularly the birther stuff). The more absurd and outlandish my claims, the more often they'll show polls of how I will fare against the others in the primary. If you say the words "Trump" and "Obama" in the same sentence enough times, the casual observer sees this air of inevitability. It has the mentality of a UFC marquee match on pay-per-view.

Trump knows one thing. The activist Republican base in Iowa trends hardcore conservative on social issues. The stance on abortion is a huge deal. If you're not pro-life, it's a deal breaker. So he flipped. It has nothing to do with this "friend of his" who saw the light. That's complete bullshit and needs to be exposed. Regardless, Trump will not run a traditional campaign in Iowa which involves a heavy ground campaign. You really have to be organized at the community level. And parading around in that monster TRUMP 747 likely won't sit well with rural Midwest Iowa voters. Trump just wants as much tv coverage as is humanly possible. He could care less about actual policy positions. He has one overriding goal - remain relevant.

Trump wants all these polls to say one thing repeatedly. He wants pitted against all the other candidates. If Donald Trump were running in the Republican primary, would you vote for him instead of the anyone from the Republican field. This is imperative. Frame everything.

I have a hunch about Trump. I think he wants to linger on the sidelines. Perhaps he'll bitch up a storm about being excluded from the debates. Perhaps launch a phony campaign of "public outrage" that he's not allowed to participate. Clamor incessantly about how this is "not the kind of America" where I come from. This is a wise move as it pits him against the entire Republican field. It's Trump against a bunch of dull, fuddy duddy white guys. It also bodes well for an anti-media campaign. Blame the media for everything which worked pretty damn well for Palin the buffoon.

This could be an effective strategy. He can stand on the sidelines and rip apart all the candidates without being interrogated in the debates. Every news channel will salivate at the prospect of having him provide "analysis." Again, this places him in a very advantageous position.

My hunch is that most voters will tire of the Republican debates. They'll all be preaching the identical anti-Obama rhetoric and towing the line on traditional Republican issues (tax cuts, creating jobs, social issues, Reagan is my role model). Trump steps in at the end - "How could anybody vote for any of these guys? I'm the only credible option."

I suspect after the dust settles and the Republicans have chosen a nominee (Romney), Trump might go the Independent rout. But that's only if his polls tell him to go for it. If gas is $5.00/gallon, he might have a decent shot. Personally, I can't stand Trump. His quest to have that massive ego placated is completely nauseating. Nonetheless, his overall strategy makes sense.

Frame everything as The Donald vs. Obama. Complain that the media and govt. don't want you in the debates, because they're afraid of the prospect of a Trump presidency. It would just be too dangerous to the establishment. In the meantime, you excoriate all the other Republican candidates and force them to respond to pointed questions. Trump attacks, all others try to defend themselves. Then, you have this alleged "Draft Trump for President" movement suddenly start popping up all over the place.

His goal above all else - remain a constant in the news cycle. Bypass the nuts and bolts of the primaries. Strictly employ a general election strategy. And you can still pull out the newest birther evidence shit on a prime time news special to coincide with your presidential bid. Do I like Trump in the slightest? Nope. I can't stand him and others of his ilk (I've known numerous blowhards with insatiable egos). Ohhh, and always keep the press guessing up until the last possible moment. Will I run? Will I not run? Just make sure to keep everyone speculating. Whether it's positive or negative is irrelevant. All in all, I think Trump has a good plan. And it would only work for one person... and that's him. Could he pull it off - doubtful. But it's his best course of action. And he knows it.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

fake texting

Yesterday at 7:55pm I'm driving on the straightaway section of National Road by Greenwood Cemetery. There's these 2 kids. One of them is staring into his phone while walking down the middle of the left lane (following the intermittent white line). This idiot teenager was staring into his phone pretending to be distracted. A downright bizarre attention ploy. Having tried similar stunts back in the day, I know where of I speak. His normal friend was walking on the sidewalk.

My point... the kid was trying to play some form of "chicken" with oncoming cars. Pretending to be so engrossed in his texting conversation that he apparently lost track of his movement. It took me about 4 seconds to process everything. I was traveling about 40mph and heading in the same direction. After I figured it out, I debated turning around the car and yelling, "Hey, get out of the road you stupid piece of shit." I really should have but I didn't feel like turning around.

A few minutes later I gave it some additional thought. Yes, I know the kid was just pretending to be distracted and he surely would have gotten out of the way. But cars come flying up that hill and the kids were approaching that point. Every once in a while there's some drag racing asshole. And for the sake of Job and his mammoth whale companion, there are tons of elderly drivers in that area who don't see too well at dusk. What if one of them panicked and prematurely swerved? I think the kid was probably trying to mimic the behavior he has seen on MTV, a combination of the "you got punked/Jack Ass" vibe.

Maybe I should have gone back and bitched him out. At the very least, it would have made me feel better, but I declined. Perhaps I was thinking in Darwinian terms - "survival of the fittest" and I secretly was hoping the kid got run over. I just don't know. My hatred of cell phones has increased exponentially.

I've seen similar situations like these play out. Usually, it's a lone woman at a bar. If she has to sit by herself for even a brief second, she sticks her head in the phone. This way nobody will think she's a loser. The problem is, you can usually see right through this and mentally affix the name tag which reads "pathetic." Please, I beg you! Look at me! I'm obviously more important than you could ever fathom. All these people can't cease their desire to communicate with me via the text platform. And the information being conveyed is a matter of national security. Every single message is a tsunami of 9/11's.

"Just had yummy DQ sundae. HTC." Yep, that's the one I hate the most - HTC. Cool people known this means "Hit the cell." What the fuck is wrong with humanity? I can't be the only person who finds this irritating.

I'd love to see all cell phone reception knocked out by a solar flare or some unforeseen natural disaster. It would be amusing to see how the techno-dumbshits cope. Their make believe/virtual world suddenly compromised. Perhaps I'm jealous. Perhaps I'm funneling my disgust because I'm 40 and not as popular as I used to be. Perhaps not. I just can't stand it when that phone rings. And my little LG screen saver is still the same picture of an old lady casually strangling a cat in the Robinson Township Ikea. Maybe I just don't get it.

The problem is that I do get it. This obsession with cell phones. In the event of a series of artificially generated stampedes, we'll see just how cool all this texting nonsense is. Perhaps we could look to Mr. T. for a little guidance in a future government awareness campaign... "I pity the fool that texts all the time."

Ouch. Especially in the cold... "texting in the chilly weather."

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

rare advice

I offer plenty of commentary but little in the way of advice. Long ago I would discuss consumerism and offer some specific high-end retail selections. Mostly food product oriented. But that's about it.

This might change your life.

Get the lunch special - House Lo-Mein from Golden Chopsticks. Make sure to ask for a complimentary container of hot pepper oil. This is key. On your way home, stop by Jebbia's and buy some celery. Return home. Light the burner and lay down some kind of convex skillet oriented shit. Then, julienne the fuck out of the celery. Wait 5 minutes. Throw in the mysterious batch of Wheeling Island oil. Now hit it with the celery. Wait another 5 minutes while reenacting an old-school "Shake'n'Bake" commercial celebration with the aforementioned celery tossing. Now is the time to embrace the God of Food. Fuck it, there's a god for everything... why not a god for all-encompassing foodstuffs. Now is the time! Throw in all the Lo-Mein. Another 5 minutes of the Chaka Khan-pan shakedown.

Harvest the bounty. Or, if you've ever seen a special Wheeling facebook character. Now I be eatin. It is gonna be realy ood.

Thursday, April 07, 2011

Trump birther shit - primetime special

I'm starting to wonder if Donald Trump has an intention of putting on the biggest reality show of them all. Have an hour long prime/time expose where he demonstrates proof that Obama wasn't born in the U.S.

They had yet another interview of him on "The View" and another on MSNBC. It was the manner in which he casually blathered about how he has a research team in Hawaii "and you would be shocked about the things they've found out." It wasn't just "one" piece of evidence, it was a bunch of things.

First off, if you think Trump seriously wants to be the President of the United States, you are a complete moron. He just wants to feed off the publicity. He also seeks the stroking of his ego, but that's a distant second.

I'm incredibly suspicious of the timing concerning his birther rants. Why wasn't he concerned anytime leading up to the 2008 campaign? It was huge news then. And it has been since. Why all of a sudden right now?

I tell you what though. As far as ratings, it would probably rank up there with the Superbowl. Everybody would tune in, even those disinterested with politics. Maybe even have the guts to do it live - just like Geraldo when he opened that vault. That didn't spin too well. I think it's fair game though, but kind of like in a Westboro Baptist church way. In the meantime, he'll keep churning the cauldron of doubt. And he timed his birther barrages perfectly with the Obama reelection announcement for 2012. Just another crazy coincidence? No way... fuck that.

I'm not personally familiar with Donald Trump. We don't run in the same social circles. He doesn't venture down for a Thursday night Ullom at the 19th Ho. Nor would he be playing Crispin front 9 with the twilight deal ($12.73) - best golf deal int he valley. Like I said, I don't know him, but I do know the type. He has this intentional low key arrogance. You know the kind. Arrogant as fuck but always trying to downplay it. Usually marked by a casual smirk and a tendency to belittle people over trivial matters.

The funny thing - I don't watch his Celebrity Apprentice show. In fact, I've only seen one episode. I watched a little bit of Cyndi Lauper last year or whenever she was on it. Saf just wanted to have fun.

Watch for it though. An hour long expose about how Obama isn't a U.S. citizen. I'm deadly serious about this. Think about it, makes a shitload of sense. Come to think of it, we should tar and feather Donald Trump. Can you imagine the Don's hair being "feathered" even further?

Monday, April 04, 2011

national day of prayer - Thursday, April 7

So Thursday April 7, 2011 is the federally sanctioned National Day of Prayer. My father forwarded me a brief letter to the editor he wrote...

> I sent this in today to AZ Republic

> Governor Brewer wants our AZ legislators to establish a state day of
> prayer. It seems to me that those of us who find benefit in prayer
> can pray any and every day and those of us who do not, may be offended
> by the idea. Why challenge the first amendment of the US Constitution
> which clearly forbids government involvement in religion? Why invite
> expensive law suits over this issue? And lastly, why offend the
> approximately 15% of us who prefer to live our lives without the
> imposition of any religion.
> Harold L. Saferstein, MD

My response...

Perhaps a letter to editor from the complete opposite perspective would be amusing. Play the role of an obsessed, born again who's demanding that EVERY day, all 365 of them, be state-sanctioned days of prayer. Anything less than 100% complete adherence and devotion would be an insult to the lord. If god is truly omnipresent and omnipotent, how is only one day an acceptable amount of time?


He liked my idea, but wouldn't attach his name to this type of nonsense. I, on the other hand, embrace this type of silliness.

Seriously though, wouldn't this make for a hysterical issue during the Republican primary? Get a registered voter to raise the question at a high profile town hall meeting. And then let the fun commence. All the right wing nut jobs, the overwhelming majority of the field, would try to outdo each other. I believe that if one of them agreed to that premise, the others would have to fall in line... lock, step and barrel. I've never used that expression before. There are only 2 possible responses. Either you choose the miniscule one day option... which really is a slap in the face to JC, god and Casper the friendly holy ghost or whatever. Or you take the 365 days per year answer... which makes you look like a complete buffoon. These are the only viable options. There is no tertiary choice. Duhhh, I think 47 days of nationally sanctioned prayer is just about right.

Isn't it amusing how the overseer requires the incessant praise, devotion and compliance from his minions? You would think it would be satisfied with the creation of the universe and all its contents in that tight seven day time frame. Sounds more like human related ego and control issues to me. Personally, I think this proves just how god is soooo lame. Why couldn't he have done it all in one day? Or millisecond for that matter. How pathetic is your god?

You think I'm joking, but not really. A question like this, if posed properly... preferably by a young pre-teen girl would be the grand slam. They'd all have to fall in line or absorb the wrath of the Christian evangelicals. That's enough to sink an entire campaign. And it makes the Republican party look like a bunch of religious imbeciles. If anyone wants to run with this "every day should be a national day of prayer" idea, I say go for it. At the very least, I'd love to hear the unusual range of responses from people like Palin and Bachmann. They have memorized answers to just about every conceivable question. This one though... no fucking way.

And by the way, the mainstream media cannot handle 2 hardcore right wing female zealots. They can stomach only one during the primary battles. The other poli-celebrity has to go. As far as men go, the number in the field can be unlimited. I have no idea why this is the nature of things. I just know that it is.